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My old b/f is now married and yet he kissed me
May 23, 2005
4:23 am
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hardygirl
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September 29, 2010
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Okay, I'm new to this and just needed to think aloud as it were...sorry if it runs long...

I've had to deal with some major losses (deaths) these past couple of years...and have come to appreciate that life is short...we don't really know how much time we have...although we all do stuff we'd like to change a bit (but not a lot), I believe the worst regrets are the things you didn't do...chances you didn't take, because you were too chicken-shit, pardon the expression.

I finally got the nerve to email an old flame. I had thought about it for years, but never acted on it. Did I break his heart? maybe. Did I kick myself for letting him go? definitely. He was one of the rare "good ones'. After composing and deleting numerous e-mails, I sent a very simple "hi stranger" e-mail. He emailed back later that afternoon, sounding very happy and surprised to hear from me. I wrote a witty reply and wondered if he'd be up to meeting in person and catching up, and gave him my phone#.
This was Thursday afternoon.

He called the very next morning, and left a message with his cell and work #s, taking me up on my suggestion to catch up. I figured we'd get together next week, as it was a long weekend coming up. Anyway, turns out his drinking buddy date didn't make it back into town, so he found himself with a free evening on his hands. I could either pretend that I already had plans (I didn't really), stay home and do homework, or just go and get it over with (so I wouldn't needlessly obsess about it!)

I picked him up (a little late) at work. He gave me directions on the phone, and then wondered if I would recognize him (it's been over ten years). I said that he might not recognize me! Anyway, he looked a bit older but still great and we gave each other the polite double cheek kiss. We drove to the nearby trendy area, and parked the car. We gave each other a big hug (okay he asked first) when we got out of the car, and then headed over to a nice patio restaurant (upstairs).

It was very surreal. It felt like we were transported in time, that we had just been together as opposed to not having seen each other for ten years...We talked about all sorts of stuff, what I'd been up to and old friends, and what happened last time we saw each other...I asked him what he'd been up to and he showed me his wedding band; pictures of his newborn 8 month old son; one of his wife and baby. We got into some deep conversation, and very frank...exploring the old relationship, current philosophies, all sorts of stuff. All evening we both had silly grins on our faces. He made a comment about how this would be so different if he were single.... they'd been living together for a few years and only just got married about two years ago... like a lot of people I know who drift into marriage. I was in pretty much the same boat, but I ended up NOT marrying because I knew I'd regret ending up in a similar situation.
He said that back then, when we were trying to be together...that he'd never had a serious relationship before and didn't know what the hell he was doing so probably was going about it all wrong.
Anyway, he finally called his wife after dinner and I discreetly occupied myself with dessert while he talked. He didn't lie, but she obviously did not know about me....which kind of surprised me, but then again not really. What? Hi, dear, I'm having dinner with the one person who stole and broke my heart years before I ever met you? And I never told you about her because it was just too painful? yeah, right.

After dinner, we went to a magazine store, and flipped through a lot of books (we're both very visually driven) just to delay saying goodnight. He was going to just walk me to my car, but I offered him a ride home as it was getting late and it was on my way. We drove through town, passing by my old apartment. He said that he passes by there often, and it's a reminder of me...okay, so here's the confession...we pulled up in front of his house (nobody home) and we start to say goodnight...and he asks for a kiss for old times' sake. Now I know what you're thinking...he's married, but I just have to kiss him especially if I'm possibly never going to see him again...I have to know...and it's a doozie. oh my god! by now I'm not thinking at all. it's even better than what I remembered...and from his reaction, it is unfortunately for him even better than HE remembered or possible obsessed about....he asked if I wanted to come in for a few minutes...and if this were a movie, we'd all be yelling "NO, Don't go in!!" but just like in the movie, of course I go in...

"So you come to this bridge in an unfamiliar land
And you know it's a bridge you are going to walk on
and the only thing you know
is that everything you know
Will do you no good from here on..."

We made out...and both freaked out...all those feelings for so long rushing up to the surface and boiling over...regrets so palpable..why did I let go? why didn't he wait? what the hell did we just do? he can't believe he's cheating on her...he never thought he'd be someone who'd do that...he's feeling guilty when he sees the baby carriage...I'm freaked out..I'm NOT a homewrecker...I've just helped turn this great guy into a cheater? Of course he's never done this before...but then again I'm not just anybody am I?
and needless to say I've not in the habit of doing this either... I can't believe how far we got...he made me a cup of tea...We agree that it'll take a few days to sink in and that we should talk next week...

He called me early Saturday morning to apologize again. "It was so amazing" to see me, and he doesn't know what came over him. He doesn't know what he's going to tell her yet, but we'll definitely talk after the weekend. and now I'm losing sleep.

Careful what you wish for...
What am I going to do? Oh, I know what I SHOULD do, but the question remains...what am I going to do? I have to figure out what I want...and always, "be careful what you wish for, because you WILL get it."

Don't I know it...

"You can marry anytime you want,
but a lover is forever."

May 23, 2005
1:28 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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HI hardy, yes this sounded like a movie!! with him being married, wow, that's alot to handle, and for him to kiss you......I guess, i myself would not want to be with someone who is married, and to think that he cheated (in my eyes) on his wife, and they have a baby together.

What do you want now, do you still want to persue him and maybe make up for lost time in the past?? and why did you both break up in the past????

May 23, 2005
1:46 pm
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kathygy
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Given your strong reaction to each other I would stay away from him. He is a married man now. If you see him again the odds are it'll end up the same way. Let this one go. Whatever you do don't have an affair with him. You'll end up getting crumbs and a lot of pain. Also, it would damage your self respect. You said you don't want to break up a marriage. If you really mean that you will stay away. Find someone who is single and available you. You are playing with fire and know it. I also, hear some denial on your part.

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