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My life - like nothing you have ever heard
February 9, 2007
5:23 pm
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student1
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When I was nine years old my father was diagnosed with diabetes, there was not much they new about it and with a field workers insurance there wasn't much they were going to do about it. They used my father like a guinea pig, and tried diferent medications under study. My father became impatent and abusive. He began beating me at the age of ten. When I was eleven he beat me so bad I woke up on the floor of my room, I have no idea how long I was out. My mom and dad were talking in the kitchen they were not even worried about me. I could have been dead and they would not have cared. I remember once I was beaten with a leather belt because I could not figure out my math homework on my own and I was frustrated. At 12 I was running away from home. However by the time that I turned 13 my father was stable on good medication and everything seemed to be getting better. At the age of fourteen I was introduced to a guy over the phone by a friend. This guy claimed to be a mexican and 16. When I met him in person I knew he was not 16 he had a thick goatee and mustach. Anyway he had told me on the phone that he had a sister that had been raped and murdered and her birthday was coming up and he did not want to be alone because he would end up doing something stupid. I fell for it. However, I did double date him with a friend and her and her date really hit it off so on the way home we decided to stop at this park that was designed as kinda like a resivor you know, like it had a big dip. Anyway we wanted to give thes two some privacy so we walked all the way over to the other side of the park. We did dumb childish things like I remember him walking on his hands. When we walked back, our friends were gone. We thought that maybe they had gone to the store so we waited and waited and waited until 3 am. I was scared to call my mom or come home after curfew so I made the stupid decision to stay at his house. He snuck me in the window. NOTHING HAPPENED!! at all...swear. Well the next morning my friend calls my mom scared cause she didn't find me and gives my mom HIS number (whore!) My mom calls his mom and we hear screaming...I hear my name and my age, then stomping and banging at the door. I paniced and hid in the closet (making myself look guilty of whatever) She screamed "I know you're in there you F$%*#@ B#@$%^ come out here!" So I did, she screamed in my face every racial slur you can think of and kicked me out of her house. It was so humiliating however when she said my mom was going to meet me at the park I was too afraid to care. The park was a few blocks aways yet I felt like it was a short plank. I sat in the front of the park and stared at every car passing by. Five minutes later he comes and apoligises about his mom and about lying about his age he was (18 going to 19 in a month.) He offered to stay and tell my mom what had happened. I agreed. I was too scared to talk to her by myself. When my mom got there she didn't let us spea at all she gave me 2 choices.
choice 1 Tell me you love him and that you want to marry him.
or
choice 2 I will send him to prison for rape, since he is 18 and you are only 14.
Being fourteen I chose (1) so I told her that I loved him and that I wanted to marry him. I didn't cross my mind that he was a preditor or what was going to happen to my life only that I did not want him to go to prison for something he did not do.

(I have to go pick up my kids, I'll finsh this when I get back. 30 min,)

February 9, 2007
6:02 pm
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When I made that decision my mom had us move in together that same day. I was not attracted to this person, and only lived with him to save his life. The great thing was that he was eighteen, and he bought me cigaretts. I had a new freedom. My parents could no longer tell me what to do. I could come and go as I pleased. I hung out with an older croud and I felt cool.
Eventually it got old. I confessed to my parents and begged for them to make him leave, my mom daid I would have to be examined by a Dr. and my dad said that I would have to get on birth control because he did not belive that I had no relations with this person. I agreed as long as they were did not take me. My dad didn't care he wanted to see the birth control be the end of the week. So after they sent him home his mom was so happy that he did not stay with me she bought him a car.
Since he was mobile and we were still friends he took me to planned parenthood. Policy is that you have t take a pregnacy test before you get birth control, no sweat, I had nothing to worry about. I did it and waited, a nurse came out and called me back. She claimed my test was positive. I laughed and insisted that my results were mixed up. She agreed to retest me for a $10 fee. I paid, retested, and again the results were positive. I laughed and called her an idiot, you know acked like a typical teen. I left, got in the car and looked over at him sitting there. He looked pale and clammy like he was going to blow chunks. I asked what was wrong and he said "you don't think it was that one time?" Suprised I asked "What one time?" well it turns out one night when I got drunk with my cousin and her boyfriend I passed out and he had sex with me.
I never thought about it like that then I just thought, "I got drunk and did something bad"
Boy was I wrong...

February 9, 2007
6:15 pm
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I waited two months before I told my parents. I was so hard. My dad called me a liar, and my mom could not have more disappointed in me.
The guy left to Kansas were he got himself a thirteen year old girlfriend. I was now fifteen and alone. My mom took me to my Dr. appointments but she was embaressed of me, I could tell. I was so ashamed, and I never wanted to hurt my mom. When I went into labor with my baby girl, my mom was the only one there with me. I tried so hard not to show her I was in pain, I don't know why...
My daughter was the best thing that ever happend to me. That's when I understood love. I continued to try and have a relationship with him but when my daughter was seven months old I found out that he never had a sister that was raped and murdered and I felt so betrayed. I broke off contact with him 100%. I got back into school, got into the gym, got my life together, you know...
Then six months later on my way back from the gym he was waiting for me on the street. He begged to see his daughter. He said he was sorry and that he had changed. I went against my better judgement and snuck him into my house to see my daughter. She was asleep on the little toddler bed next to mine. He kept asking for me to give him a chance and I kept saying no, the more I rejected him the more agressive he bacame. He got on top of me, I resisted for a few minutes but when I seen my daughter was moving I thought she would wake up and see so I gave in, when he finished his business he got up and left ... like nothing. Two months later I found out i was pregnant AGAIN!

February 9, 2007
6:20 pm
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My kids are swarming me I'll try and back to this tomorrow.
Thanks for reading. It's therapy just writing and knowing that your there to read.

February 9, 2007
7:14 pm
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Randomwomen2
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(((Student1))))

February 9, 2007
7:16 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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((student1)))

February 9, 2007
8:20 pm
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sleepless in uk
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((student))

February 9, 2007
8:34 pm
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gayle
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((((student1))))

February 9, 2007
8:44 pm
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(((student1)))

You come and write whenever you want to or can. You have come to a good place honey. šŸ™‚

February 9, 2007
9:00 pm
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((((student1)))) I just want to give you a big hug. I am so sorry that you went through all of this and at such a young age.

February 9, 2007
9:01 pm
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hopeful for change
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Please keep posting...we are listening. We are here to support you. YOU Truly are not alone here>

February 9, 2007
9:23 pm
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(((Student1)))

I am still reading through the beginning of your story... just sending an "interim hug" till I can make any real comments. take care

February 16, 2007
12:19 pm
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Okay, I am back. Sorry I have taken so long, busy...busy...busy.

I didn't know how to tell my parents that I was pregnant again, and by the same person. I was not even suppossed to be seeing him. I was so depressed. I finally told my mom one morning on the way to school, she cried. It was terrible. I had to leave school that same day. I just vanished. Picked up my books, I didn't say anything to my friends, I didn't answer the phone or return their calls. I just disappeared. I guess I was afraid of having to answer any questions. I was seventeen when I gave birth to my second daughter. Instead of being angry at the situation I decided to be happy about it. I was glad that my older daughter would have a sister, someone she could be close to forever. I never had a sister, I was so lonely growing up. They were 23 months apart and like little Irish twins, I always dressed them alike, and we did lot's of girl things. I tried so hard to be a good mom and not let the things people said about me get me down.

February 16, 2007
12:44 pm
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When I was 18 I got my first tattoo. My brother is a tattoo artist and he did it for me for free. I have three roses and aztec art. Each rose represented one of us, me and my two daughters. To me this sybalized the acceptence of being alone and raising my two daughters by myself.

It had been one and a half years since I had gone out alone and out of the blue my parents offered to babysit so that I could have a night out. I hesitated for a while then finally I agreed. I called my cousin to see if she knew of anything happing that night and her and her friend happened to be going out and invited me along. I dressed up, and left to her house around 7. My cousin is a total hooch, so I redressed her before I walked out of the house with her. I was NOT looking for that kind of a time...LOL. Anyway, her friend was running late so we decided to walk to the corner store and buy some wine coolers and cigeretts. When we walked out from her apartment building we seen this house across the street with all this guys and lowriders parked everywhere. (I had a weakness for lowriders) These guys start whistling and calling us over, I had no idea how to act so I just ignored them. My cousin was all smiling and looking at them, I had to grab her and make her stop. We walked into the store bought our stuff and when we walked out we lit our cigaretts, and walked by all cool...
one guy yelled out "Can I get a cigarett!?" My cousin yelled back at him to come and get it.
Well this guy came over, and asked us our names you know the usuall. When we asked him his name it was similar to a name I had heard before on the Ice Capades, we started to laugh and we talked for like five minutes. He asked for my number and I didn't have a pen so I walked into my cousins apartment to get one. She was mad.. she was like..."That guy was all trying to talk to me and you just wouldn't shut up!"
I felt so stupid! I thought I must have looked like a fool! So I put here name on the paper and gave it to him. A week later I got a phone call from him, he asked for ME.. she was jelous but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, I told her to go out with him. HE refused. Him and I became the best of friends. I knew all about the girl he wanted to be with, he knew about me and my situation. He was the first person I ever told. We had nicknames for eachother too. He was "Ass Face" and I was "Wienie Head"...LOL!!! We told each other everything, I needed a friend like that. A while later at his friends party he called me and was telling me how bored he was, his friend walks in and askes him who he was talking too. He said HIS LADY. I started laughing and making fun of him, he said, "You act like you don't want to be..." I thought he was joking, I laughed harder, then saying...joking around..."You never even asked me." So he asked me, and I got quite, I thought maybe he was serious, then rethinking it to be a bunch of crap and started laughing again. He hung up on me, I was shocked. I didn't know how to act. He was my best friend, I didn't think of him like that. I knew about the girl he wanted to be with. I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be with him, but I didn't want to lose him either. I decided that the only way to keep him close to me was to be with him. So I called him and called him, he didn't return my calls for a week. I made up with hima nd agreed to be his girlfriend. Our first date was sooooo weird!!!!

February 16, 2007
12:55 pm
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We decided to double date, me and him and my cousin and his cousin. It was like JR. High. We couldn't be any further from eachother. We decided to go out to eat, I always ate in front of him before but now it was different. He tried to feed me which was so freakin eeww! You know...he was my best friend, I just couldn't get that hole picture of him being my boyfriend.. Anyway, my cousin and his cousin hated eachother, it was like a sceen out of "Blind Date" They ended up going home early and leaving me and him alone. He knew me like the back of his hand so he could tell I was nervous. After dinner he took me out to the country side to a special place where all the stars in the sky could be seen. This was unfair, he knew how much I loved the stars. Anyway, it was BEAUTIFUL!!! But then he tried to kiss me!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't do it, I turned and just started running away from him. He cought up to me and grabed me from behind, rapping him arms around my waist. He picked me up and spun me around, let me go, pulled me into him and kissed me. I had never felt so light in all my life. Like I could just float away. I hugged him, and right then I knew, he was the one for me. We have been together ever since.

It wasn't easy though, since we were best friends we still acted like punks with eachother, we never really got the repect you husband respect your wife thing down. And we partied together and did alot of stuff together that normal couples would never do.

February 16, 2007
1:10 pm
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We became engaged August 12, 1999. My parents were furious! They hated him, they said he was a lowlife thug who would be a terrible step father to my kids. That I would struggle with him my whole life and that I would be sorry.
After long battles with my parents, my dad made me chose "him or my fiance"
I chose my fiance.
We had no where to go, no money, nothing.
just us, my girls, and my car.
So he borrowed money from his dad and that night we started driving to Iowa (from California) He had family there and there was a lot of job oppertunities in construction there, so four days later we arrived in Forest City Iowa. We lived in a motel for about two months until we saved enough money for our own place. He completely whole heartedly accepted my daughter as his own. I fell in love with a two story house one day passing through Lake Mills. My husband said "You love that house? I am going to get you that house." And he did. We moved in a week later. It was beautiful there. We had three living rooms, One upstairs and two downstairs. A electric fireplace, an acre yard. It was great. We had wonderful times there. However I recieved a letter from my mom that said she was sick from her heart and she needed open heart surgery, she said if I wasn't there she knew she would pass away, so my husband and I made the decision to pack what we could and leave. We left two cars a house and furniture behind. We were scared to drive ourselves in the dangerous weather so we took the bus.
We all moved in with my parents and helped my mom get better while I planned my wedding. Things got so much better between everyone in the family around this time. For once in my life everything was good.

But not for long.....

February 16, 2007
1:35 pm
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Right after our marrage on August 12, 2000. We found out I was pregnant. I was excited and so was he, the family was too. Then at five months I found out I was having TWIN GIRLS!! The first in my family, I was scared!. From having 2 children and then jumping to 4 was tooooo much on me. Then when my twins were five months old one of them ended up getting sick and was diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis, Infintile Spasms, Hyper Sencitivity, and Noonan Syndrom. It was a devistating blow. My daughter began having terrible attacks , her eyes rolled over to the side and she would just spasm. It was awful. And since she was Hyper Sensitive she was super sensitive to sound so we had to keep her twin and my older daughter quite all the time. Finally I had to send my healthy twin to live with my parents so that I could take care of my baby girl. It was too much for my husband and I. She was crieng all the time, I am not sure how but we got started on meth to help us stay awake and have the energy to do what needed to be done around the house. It did just what we needed it to do. When my daughter was close to a year she made a miraclous recovery. Leaving no signs of tumors seizers, nothing. It was gone. However not realizing our addiction, we continued using meth. It got bad. We started fighting and hitting eachother, screaming breaking stuff. It was awful. We now had a healthy family and an unhealthy relationship. I can't imagine what it must have been like for my daughters. I am so sorry. I stopped first when I realized how we were effecting the children. When I was sobber and he wasn't, I was always angry at him. Calling him stupid, watching him die in front of me. He was pale and sickly looking, he looked like a monster with blisters all over his face. He started kicking me out of the house keeping the girls inside with him.I finally got sick of it and said okay. You wanna be stupid! You don't care about yourself! Fine. I knew he cared about me. I know where we had been. It was almost like I had to find a way to surface him inside the demons that had taken over so, I began acting really stupid. I went to bars, I went to after parties I got drunk and got high. Came home at four o' clock in the morning. And he had no choice but to be responsible for the kids. He quit. I quit. We were back to normal, for a while. Then, he asked me for a son. One more try, to see if he could get a son. I agreed and just like before, I try got me pregnant. We were excited. Espeacially because we were both sobar life was back to normal the kids were happy. Then, during my third moth he relapsed. And he was gone all through my pregnacy, parting, being stupid, and there was nothing I could do about it. So when I had my son, four weeks later I got high with him, sent him out in broad day light on a run, knowing he would get caught and watched the police arrest him from my window. I didn't even go outside. Just let them take him. I layed on my belly in the living room and thanked God that it was finally over. We have both been sober ever since.

February 16, 2007
2:02 pm
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My husband was in jail for two months, the best two months. He went through his withdrawls in jail and that was the worst experiance of his life. When he got out we said to each other how stupid we were, and we thanked eachother for never giving up and sticking it out together. We decided to get out crap together and make it all up to our kids who were now 9 , 7 , 3 , and 4 months.

Before all this mess, back when I was twenty one I had written a childrens book, I tried to find out how to publish it but ran into dead ends all the time. I talked to anyone and everyone about it and nothing so when I decieded to get my life strait I decided not to pursue writting, but, instead Criminal Justice to become a councelor in the Juvies, where I could council kids that were in trouble or didn't have support from their parents like I was when I was young.
I got my G.E.D first try, and a month later I enrolled at University of Phoenix.
It was one of the best decisions I ever made, It's a great school.
The teachers there are not just teachers, but they are proffecionals
in the field of which they teach. This place changed my life!
My first and third teacher was the same person. He was an ass to me in my first class. I had not been in school in ten years. It was too much for me to write a college paper, or so he thought. He contantly picked on me. I know he expected me to quit. But what he didn't know was how much I went through to get exactly where I was and I was not about to go anywhere. I remember him holding up my paper in front of the class and saying "do you see this paper? This is exactly what your paper is NOT supposed to look like" And used my name. I got so fired up! I went home and criend to my husband. He told me to rewrite the paper and turn it in again the next week. So I did. My teacher didn't even want to look at it, he said "You know your not going to get a new grade for that right?" and I said "yeah, I just wanted to do it again and show you that I can. I am not stupid." and left it on his desk. I guess he like my fire because when I walked into my third class and seen that it was him, I was pissed, but he seemed happy to see me. He took a totally different attitude with me, leading me to belive he was impressed that I stuck it out and was still in school. Since I had some time away from him my writting and my presenation style had improved and he like me even more. The fourth night of class he busted out with a confession, that he was no ordinary teacher, but in fact, a milti millionaire, who taught at U.O.P because when he was a young child he worked in the fields that were once at that same location. He owns 7 companies and teaches for pure pride.
That is when my life took a HUGE turn.

February 16, 2007
2:16 pm
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Later that night, he mentioned that he had written a children's book. My ears purked up and as he talked about, I spoke up and said, I've written a book. He said "You did? bring it in I would like to take a look at it." So the next week I did. And he loved it! He asked if I had the 5000.00 to begin publishing, and I said no, so he gave it to me. Just like that we went 20 / 80 and we made an appointment with Ernie Hergenroeder we call him Hergie, he soon became my illustrator. Well when I went down to the appointment I decided to take another idea with me of a book that I was writing, they both loved it. They said the best thing for me was not to have my book published by to begin my own publishing company. So my teacher gave me all the finacial help I needed to begin my company and publish my book. He had me swich my major to marketing and he and my illustrator mentor me every step of the way. I have everything I need. And now I am just strugglig with myself. There is this wall inside me that I can't knock down. This is why I am here. I seriously need help. I don't understand what is wrong with me. I should be happier, more motivated, I should be...but I am not.

Now you know my story.... good....bad...and ugly....

Help me.

February 16, 2007
3:33 pm
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student1
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Hello?

February 16, 2007
3:41 pm
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atalose
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Hello student,

Your story is truly inspirational yet filled with life long struggles you've managed to over come.

Could your discountenances now be with the fact there is no more struggling, peace and calm have taken over your life and the stillness is uncomfortable to you?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 16, 2007
3:58 pm
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Loralei
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That is a fascinating story. Maybe you should write about your life like you did here. Soap opera material if nothing else.

You have always had so many challenges in your life that you may not be used to the feeling of things going easy for you. Your life was one of pure adreneline and now it is calm. You just haven't adjusted yet. Maybe you are addicted to the adreneline rush of the chaotic life you used to lead. The excitement is no longer there.

You are a survivor, for sure. Have you ever tried meditation? Yoga? Start exploring your inner self and see if that will give you some peace and acceptance. You just need new worlds to conquer so give your inner world a shot. Very interesting story! Thanks for sharing.

February 16, 2007
4:01 pm
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Student ~

Funny how as I was reading I kept thinking that you should write a book....and then I get to the end and find out that you have.

You should right one about your life and your triumphs over the obstacles...it's pretty inspirational.

I think I agree with atalose in that perhaps you crave the drama and this "normal" life you have now isn't filling that void. You may need to heal some from the past and chase out some of the demons still there. You went through a lot and I think you may find that if you dig into yourself and be truly honest...you'll find the answers that you are looking for.

t

February 20, 2007
3:13 pm
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student1
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Thank you all. Hmmm... I had never thought about things this way before.

I think your right, now that I think about it I have been craving drama. I keep picking fights with my husband over nothing. What do I do now?

February 20, 2007
4:25 pm
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atalose
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I agree, write a book. If not about your own life then create a character similar and write about her using your own life experiences.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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