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My life is out of control
November 11, 2000
10:20 pm
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poohbear
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I feel like my life is so out of control it scares me. I am a 41 year old housewife/teacher with two sons. One is 20 and the other is 16. I am in poor health due mostly to being overweight. I am 5ft. 1in. and weigh about 230 pounds. I have sleep apnea, mitral valve prolapse, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, osteoarthritis of the spine, and major foot and back problems. I am a compulsive, yet picky eater.I dislike most vegetables and crave carbohydrates. I am addicted to soft drinks. I am suffering from I guess you would call it empty nest syndrome. I love children so much. I guess that is why I am a teacher, yet my own boys growing up has left a void in my life. I do not feel needed and I am so ashamed of myself for gaining all this weight. It embarrasses me to even go anywhere anymore. I would like to exercise, but I have so much trouble with my feet it is unreal. I need help and support really bad. Please help if you have any suggestions.

November 11, 2000
11:37 pm
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Castle
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Hi Poohbear...

Yes, it sounds like life is giving you problems. Yet, as any therapist will tell you, the cycle of shame, feeling bad about yourself, and poor eating habits is vicious. When we feel like our lives are out of control and we don't know what to do....eating is a source of comfort. I've felt this feeling myself. It sounds like you need to work on yourself slowly. I have no doubt that you're a good mother. Seeing your kids grow up surely must make you feel unneeded.....but you'll always be needed. When they come home from college and need a home-cooked meal and laundry done...who's gonna be there for them? just kidding:). My point is, my mother felt the same way, yet it was something she needed to cope with. I'm positive you are not alone with this feeling. It's universal, I would say.

I think in order to feel the best you can.....aside from being overweight....you need to take care of physical ailments first. I don't know if you're already seeing doctors for your foot and back problems. So, if you aren't.....now's the time to start. Exercise is extremely important so this is the way to start. Plus, it will help with the high blood pressure....so will blood pressure medication. I'm not trying to make everything sound easy.....I just think rebuilding yourself is going to be a step by step process.

Start slow with exercising...do arm circles. Any exercise is better than no exercise. Plus, it gets you into a routine. And don't set a specific amount of time that you want to lose a specific amount of weight. That's just frustratiing. It has to be an ongoing process.....eating healty. It's hard but support groups are around and they surely work for some people.

You need to start slowly. You probably should seek counseling for the emotional side of your problems. I don't know if you already have thought about it, or what your views on it are. Just let me assure you that counseling/therapy is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It actually helps to talk about your problems with someone who is completely non-judgemental. I suggest you give it a try. Things are going to take a long time, so devise a plan on what you want to work on with yourself first. It might mean some extra money for trips to the chiropractor. I always say, if something is going to make you feel better about yourself, you're not ever going to miss the money it cost you. So, if you want to join a weight loss program where counselors are present for support and encouragement.....it's a great idea. So, try and get started. Oh, and the soft drink thing......they're not good for you! Try to cut down by substituting one half of the soda you drink per day to juice or water...and decrease from there. Good luck! Write back on this page and let us know how you're doing! hugs.

November 15, 2000
10:50 pm
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Corin
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November 16, 2000
12:11 pm
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eve
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hallo pooh,

just two brief thoughts:

- I like soft drinks mixed whith water: it still tastes like the original, but it doesn't make me thirsty but quenches the thirst pretty well.

- swimming is a sport where your extra weight won't give you trouble. Maybe you can find a group that does swimming or 'aquarobics' (exercising in the water). Because your body is floating, your legs don't have to bear the weight.

Take care, eve

November 20, 2000
8:19 pm
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OpiateHead
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I cant stop getting screwed up if I dont know why I do it

November 21, 2000
12:02 am
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janes
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Pooh...get that book "stop the insanity" by that crazy lady with the short white hair....

she has comparison charts on how foods measure up to one another..interesting that 1 choc chip cookie may be the same as 3 whole cups of lentils.

If you want your boys to come back and visit at your nest you need to be healthy ... to be able to play with your grandkids someday. To have your sons be proud of you.

But the best goal will be to reach that goal...for you.

As a teacher you will be an even better one if you are healthy.

check your insurance and find a good therapist.

Check out the "total gym" machine. My helped me a lot.

I exercised, drank gallons of water and cut all dairy out my diet and the weight fell off.

If is amazing how much your otulook on life will change.

You have YEARS of life left...hope you can make them healthy ones

Good luck

November 22, 2000
10:29 am
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Corin
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Hi Poohbear...this is Corin...I tried to write before but had a computer mal function...anyway I wanted to say that I struggle with weight issues too and that I know the self hatred that can accompany being overweight. Recently, though, I'm realizing that I'm a whole lot more than my physical self...and I'm beginning to appreciate all the other qualities within me that make me a really good, special person. I still strive for a healthy, non- addicted lifestyle but I'm learning to feel that I deserve love and respect and happiness for who I am at this very moment....
I also think that swimmimg or water exercise is a great option for foot problems...I have discovered a pool at the universtiy where I actually feel less self concious in my suit because I am anonymous. That works for me...but there are all kinds of options...women only clubs...groups formed for weight loss etc. Being in the water makes me feel thin...you're weightless!
One other thing..I heard,I think on Oprah,the idea that parenting is the only job where you know you've done a good job when you get fired. If your children are strong and independent and are busy creating their own lives you should feel proud!
Don't let those negative thoughts win out. Hope to hear from you, Corin

November 22, 2000
10:33 am
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Corin
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Hi Poohbear...this is Corin...I tried to write before but had a computer mal function...anyway I wanted to say that I struggle with weight issues too and that I know the self hatred that can accompany being overweight. Recently, though, I'm realizing that I'm a whole lot more than my physical self...and I'm beginning to appreciate all the other qualities within me that make me a really good, special person. I still strive for a healthy, non- addicted lifestyle but I'm learning to feel that I deserve love and respect and happiness for who I am at this very moment....
I also think that swimmimg or water exercise is a great option for foot problems...I have discovered a pool at the universtiy where I actually feel less self concious in my suit because I am anonymous. That works for me...but there are all kinds of options...women only clubs...groups formed for weight loss etc. Being in the water makes me feel thin...you're weightless!
One other thing..I heard,I think on Oprah,the idea that parenting is the only job where you know you've done a good job when you get fired. If your children are strong and independent and are busy creating their own lives you should feel proud!
Don't let those negative thoughts win out. Hope to hear from you, Corin

November 22, 2000
10:34 am
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Corin
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September 24, 2010
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Hi Poohbear...this is Corin...I tried to write before but had a computer mal function...anyway I wanted to say that I struggle with weight issues too and that I know the self hatred that can accompany being overweight. Recently, though, I'm realizing that I'm a whole lot more than my physical self...and I'm beginning to appreciate all the other qualities within me that make me a really good, special person. I still strive for a healthy, non- addicted lifestyle but I'm learning to feel that I deserve love and respect and happiness for who I am at this very moment....
I also think that swimmimg or water exercise is a great option for foot problems...I have discovered a pool at the universtiy where I actually feel less self concious in my suit because I am anonymous. That works for me...but there are all kinds of options...women only clubs...groups formed for weight loss etc. Being in the water makes me feel thin...you're weightless!
One other thing..I heard,I think on Oprah,the idea that parenting is the only job where you know you've done a good job when you get fired. If your children are strong and independent and are busy creating their own lives you should feel proud!
Don't let those negative thoughts win out. Hope to hear from you, Corin

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