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my husband tried to kill me in front of my kids
December 17, 2000
1:37 pm
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rachel25
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6 days ago my husband got drunk and beat me up, he had a knife and told me he was going to kill me. He also does some drugs and is an amputee(he lost half of his right leg and wears a prothesis).

The worst thing is that my 2 year old son and 4 year old daughter were there and were crying and begging him to stop. I really felt like he was going to kill me.

He was mad because i called his mother and told her he was drunk. He works for her business. I only did this because her workers were over at my house drunk with my husband (her son) and I wanted her to tell them to leave because I didn't want them around my children.

I ran out of the house in freezing weather with no shoes on me and my kids and we spent the next 4 days at his mother's house.

The worst thing is he asked me to come back and I did. I feel so stupid. I am so dependent on him! I have no money, no car, nothing at all. I married him at 18 years old and now I am 25 and I still don't have a drivers license, but I am almost $30,000 in debt and I have no job or college education so I don't know what I could do.

Also I am very protective of my kids and I am obsessively afraid to leave them with anyone so even if I did work I would be so crazy worried about them.

I know I am just a mess, my husband beat me bad a few times before we got married and I sent him to jail for it, but his mom bailed him out. The house where we live is his and he had it before we met, it is in his mother's name, so all I have is debt and trouble.

I feel like I should not be here, it is wrong! but I cannot bring myself to leave. I am so afraid and I feel like such a loser! Does anyone have any advice for me, I could really use some help!

December 17, 2000
3:37 pm
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jwt
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Look at me...the mess of the world...giving advice to anyone. But, get out of there. Call a Womens Crisis Center or hotline. They can help with the practical problems. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong. Your safety and that of your children are more important than anything right now.

December 17, 2000
7:28 pm
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Brenda
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Dear Rachel:

Rachel is a beautiful name. Rachel, I pray that you read this. I have been where you are and I know how you feel, also about being protective over your children.
I let two men abuse me, both the fathers of my children, and I thought the treatment wasn't solveable. I mixed pain with love because I was brought up in a home where pain and their so called expression of "love" went hand in hand. WELL LET ME TELL YOU THIS, YOU DONT KNOW LOVE YET BUT YOU WILL, YOU THINK YOU LOVE THIS MAN BUT YOU DONT.
I know you love your children, as best as you are able, having little love for yourself at this point.
I hope you dont think I am blaming you in any way, you were not given the love and support you so needed and deserved as a child and growing up therefore you have latched onto this loveless, violent and disrespectful man and let him take from you your own independence and self esteem.
YOU are in full control, you can take back your life and your soul!!!!!!
Do this for yourself, because your children need you to be healthy and whole. YOu and your husband are both sick to participate in this cycle of violence and pain and your poor children are the ultimate victims. Give your children a different life than you have had up until this point, show them the way towards self love and self respect.
Give them the greatest xmas present ever, get yourself some support with friends and a battered womens group and save some money. Put away as much as you can in your own bank account and dont let your husband know about this, please, I know this sounds as if you are plotting against him but you arent you are plotting towards YOU and your children. YOu owe it to them to be the ONE out of the two of you who breaks the cycle and gets the help she deserves. HE will not batter or threaten you if he knows he can not get away with it.
Teach him how to treat you.
BUT FIRST AND FOREMOST BECAUSE OF THE VOLATILE SITUATION AND THE ALCOHOLISM, PLEASE GET YOURSELF AND CHILDREN TO A SHELTER OR JUST OUT OF THE HOME. IF YOU GO BACK AFTER DOING THIS HE WILL BE EVEN MORE VIOLENT THAN BEFORE BECAUSE HE IS EVEN MORE SCARD OF BEING ALONE. HE NEEDS TO PUT YOU DOWN AND SEE THAT YOU TAKE IT BECAUSE IT MAKES HIM FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF AND TAKES THE BLAME OFF OF HIM AS THE ABUSOR.
I PRAY YOU ARE ALL SAFE, I SEND LIGHT AND HEALING TO YOUR FAMILY IN THE NAME OF THE CREATOR. AMEN

December 18, 2000
1:02 pm
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christina
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I used to work at a crisis shelter and they really will help you and your children out, they have safe houses where you and your children can stay, your children will go to school and go up in a normal environment and they will help you find employment. Perhaps something as simple as answering the phone within the shelter itself so you can still be with your kids during the day. You'll never know what your future could have been like unless you get out and fast. The longer you stay the more you're hurting your kids, I promise you that. You might think they are too small to remember these things when they grow up, but they WON'T forget, so you really need to get out of there and help your children. If you're not willing to leave for yourself, please i'm begging you, do it for your kids, they haven't done anything to deserve this kind of a life...

December 18, 2000
8:36 pm
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Molly
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Please leave, at the shelter they will help you heal, help you resolve the debt, find you education, or welfare, and housing so that you can reclaim you, the children left in that environment will be damaged, and you will be as guilty as your husband, surrender your pride, and get the help, there is no shame unless you continue to stay. God Bless.

December 19, 2000
3:34 am
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fall
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Do what Christina and the others adviced you to do.Stay away from your husband. I think you need a professional counseling as well.

On the other hand,your husband,the abuser;needs badly to see a professional counselor.

Good Luck.

December 19, 2000
10:14 am
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janes
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Ditto ditto ditto ditto ditto

As an educator of 25 years I am telling you straight thta if you don't find the guts to get out of there IMMEDIATELY you will be doing your children (and yourself ) the greatest wrong ever!!!!!!

Children learn what they live. You let them live with this man and they will have shitty lives. I have seen it happen time and time again

He is an adult and so are you. They are not. They turn to you for stability and strength.

Get to a woman's shelter NOW.

You do not need THINGS. Your kids do not need THINGS. You need a life!!

GO NOW>

December 19, 2000
10:19 am
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janes
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I shared with my husband your plight and he agrees...GET OUT.

How can YOU be $30000.00 in debt?

Drivers Licenses are easy to get..the people at the shelter will help you!!!

There are alternatives...regardless of how this man has you trained....YOU CAN CHANGE. Your life can improve and you can find happiness.

Take the steps and GO!!!!

December 21, 2000
7:43 pm
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DANE
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Are you gone yet??

December 21, 2000
7:55 pm
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Molly
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Part of the abusers protocol, is to render you helpless, emotionally, physically, and mentally, to keep you there, under his controll, then come the carrots, dangeling, the threats, fear is there only power that they can truly inflict upon you. You are unstable in this environment, and cannot make the proper decisions, seek support seek help, or you are as abusing to your children, as your spouse is to you, so get gone, and respond soon, please.

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