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My Husband Is a freaking Flirt!!!
April 7, 2005
5:45 pm
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raissa
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God how the hell do I live like this?
I am sitting right next to him and he is flirting(laughting,giggling )like a high school boy.I have never in my life felt so insecure I feel like craying No I am craying.
I refuse to feel so little and Ugly can I ask do men know what they do to woman when they openly flirt?

April 7, 2005
6:26 pm
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D dog
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they have no clue. I think that they think it's part of their "role", as a man in our society, to flirt.

What I always do when this happens is A) attempt to join the conversation, or B) If this fails, wait till later and go, "Wow! She was SO CUTE! Wish I had her looks-hair-clothes - whatever...at which point the guy usually goes, "Shut up! She's not you! I don't want to be her!"

April 7, 2005
6:34 pm
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woundedspirit
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d dog...thats a good idea. It would be really hard and unnatural at first but...ultimately worth stepping out of your comfort zone to try it out.

April 7, 2005
6:41 pm
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Anonymous
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That or it could backfire. I dont think i would want a boyfriend saying I wished I looked like that guy you wanted, then I would think he was super insecure.

I would just start doing the same thing back and going and talking to men, that is always the best dose of medicine. When you see what it is you do and you FEEL how much you don't like it, then you don't do it as much.

I do like the join in the convo though.

April 7, 2005
7:03 pm
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raissa
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I just thinking that for him to really get I am going to have to his level,Why should I be like him? I dont feel like flirting. ultimately it is his job to be a good husband and respect me like I do him, What I dont get is the fact that he know better than anybody how I am affected by this and still he does it.
Is it possible that he is just a flirt by nature?

April 7, 2005
7:13 pm
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D dog
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Lots of guys are. Usually, the insecure ones.

Sometimes I just say, 'Go for it dude!' or 'Good luck with that'...of course, this could be construed as a challenge and make it worse...

Another approach I like is the "beat them to the punch"...ie, I know my guy's taste, so if I see a "hot chick", I may say, "Damn! Check her out!" This can be a good tactic - no guy likes being told what to do! (plus, the whole "fear of lesbianism" - which many unenlightened people struggle with - comes into play, and leaves HIM feeling left out instead of me!)

I don't know...do you think he flirts out of a lack of respect for you, or cuz he's insecure, or is he truly looking for "greener pastures", so to speak?

April 7, 2005
7:18 pm
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raissa
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I have no idea I would love to figure that one out, I think he is incapable of figuring out when something really hurts I think thats the bottom line.
Regarding fear of lesbianism I think he would welcome it but be assured that after words he would dump me!!!

April 7, 2005
7:23 pm
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D dog
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Yeah, good call on that one.

Back to square one -

Why do men flirt when they know it bothers us?

Maybe there's a website on it (there is for everything else!) I'll look...

April 7, 2005
7:27 pm
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D dog
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Here's one for starters, though you already know this...

http://magazines.ivillage.com/.....gray/qas/0,,284469_566196,00.html

April 7, 2005
7:38 pm
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raissa
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They probably do it because WE WONT!!!
So what do you gals say we join them in eternal endeavor for a new chalange?
anyone wants to join in?
I say when we go out we outright come up to men and hit on them I bet my head they will freak out!!!
Men dont want to hunted they want to be the hunters, they love to tell themselves "Yep I still Got It"
what do you guys out there think?
Wrong or Right?

April 7, 2005
8:12 pm
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D dog
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Ok, one more Delgados song, but it fits here!

Girls of Valour:

Daybreak comes late / Batters down your soul / These days you crave nothing that you own /You don't feel like moving from your room / And all your friends are still too cool

Come on fight on now is not the end / These days we must act but not pretend / I can turn all your lead into gold / But all your friends will then seem old

Chorus:

If you change your mind you will find everything inside our worlds collides / Rouse up now you girls of valour let's go out and fight forever

Come on what you must do is believe / These days you'll find friends you get for free / Daybreak comes late send it all your way / And all the roads go on and on...

(Chorus)

BTW, here's their downloads, if anyone's interested:

http://www.delgados.co.uk/downloads.html

April 7, 2005
8:43 pm
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raissa
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You go D DOG!!!!

April 7, 2005
9:13 pm
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exoticflower
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Of course theres the 'Lush' song 'Ladykiller'...

Hey you, the muscles and the long hair
Telling me that women are superior to men
Most guys just don't appreciate this
You just try convincing me you're better than them
So he talks for hours 'bout his sensitive soul
And his favourite subject is sex
I don't think he even really wanted it
But, Christ, this guy's too much
(I wanna tell him)
I'm as human as the next girl, I like a bit of flattery
But I don't need your practised lines, your school of charm mentality so
Save your breath for someone else and credit me with something more
When it comes to men like you, I know the score, I've heard it all before
(Here comes the next one)
Blondie was with me for a summer
He flirted like a maniac but I wouldn't bite
I'm weak and he was so persistent
He only had to have me 'cause I put up a fight
Oh God, the boy had such an ego
He liked to talk about himself all day and all night
You think you're such a ladykiller
But you were nothing special 'til you turned out the light
When he's nice to me he's just nice to himself
And he's watching his reflection
I'm a five foot mirror for adoring himself
Here's seven years' bad luck
(I wanna tell him)
When you say you love me you're just flattering your vanity
But I don't need your practised lines, your school of charm mentality so
Save your breath for someone else and credit me with something more
When it comes to men like you, I know the score, I've heard it all before
Ooh, you're such a ladykiller, always on a winner, thinking that you're in there
Oh boy, you're such a ladykiller, super sexy mister, call it what you will, oh
You think you're such a ladykiller, I just bet you're still there, posing in the mirror
Hey girls, he's such a ladykiller, but we know where he's coming from and we know the score.

April 7, 2005
9:16 pm
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exoticflower
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For some reason that copied all as a paragraph, but you get the idea. Here's the line I think to be true of most men...

He flirted like a maniac but I wouldn't bite
I'm weak and he was so persistent
He only had to have me 'cause I put up a fight

April 7, 2005
10:24 pm
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GiantFerret
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just ONCE i flirted with a woman in front of my wife. it took her all night to figure out what i had done that was bugging her, but once she figured it out, she was so furious i thought she was going to punch me. ("you might as well have had sex with that woman on the table right in front of me!!!")

as it turned out, my flirtatiousness was the catalyst for our divorce. we separated three days later--my wife never got over what had happened. (the divorce would have happened anyway, but that was the final straw.)

looking back, she was right and i was wrong. i should have respected my wife more and kept my flirtatiousness out of my marriage. she was right to be furious--and so would be you.

April 7, 2005
10:49 pm
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raissa
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Thank you for the input giantferret I am furios angry,and at the same sad very sad.
It should not be like that neither party in a relationship should have the need to be accepted and liked by everyone in the world, whay can we just be happy and thankful for what we already have?
Is this only about sex and the conquest?
Well I give up I have no more energy to fight or explain this garbage to my husband.
In fact I dont see why I have convince anyone in my life of anything, Let them do it by themselves I already have to many issues of my own. Having a life is my goal and if he is looking for attention he is going to get but not from me.

April 7, 2005
11:42 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Well, it depends what you mean by "flirt."

Does He think he is flirting or does he just think he is being friendly and warm? If he is cheating, then confront him. If he is not intending to be sexually unfaithful, then maybe consider cutting him slack and not letting your insecurity damage your relationship.

There is a difference between people enjoying each other and being unfaithful.

April 8, 2005
7:48 am
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Notsure
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Hello raissa,
Did he not exhibit this flirty behavious before you married him? Personally I think that most flirting is harmless as it rarely leads to sex. If YOU do feel uncomfortable for whatever reason you should bring it forward in a clear and direct manner. Most men don't know when they are flirting or acting goofy. Those that do are having a little harmless fun (my opionion again) and generating a little sexual tension/stimulation if you will which rarely leads to a rendezvous or an affair. My advice is that if you don't like it say something but explain as to why. Regards. Notsure

April 8, 2005
8:11 am
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raissa
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Dear Worried_Dad,

thanks again for the input you are right if this is harmless I should not let my own insecurities damage my relationship.
On the other hand when do I know the difference between just fun or crossing the thin line?

April 8, 2005
10:17 am
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balancesekr
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hi everyone,
I thought I weigh in on this one. Not all guys do it. The last two guys I dated were not like this and one of them was a lead singer! He had girls around him all the time, but didn't flirt.

The solution? I would try hard to not let it bother me, unless he was being ridiculous! I also would talk to some men around me to keep him on his toes. Some men just have to flirt, sometimes an 80 year old man with his 80 year old wife will stop me and tell me how pretty I am! and I wonder, is she pissed? When do men ever stop? -balance

April 8, 2005
3:00 pm
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BamBam
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Wow! A woman after my own heart! I just read this post and I think I'm reading my own situation. My 6+ years bf flurts ALL the time. I can't stand it. He gawks at every pretty girl we see. I never ever do this. He thinks that looking cant hurt and (i do know he wouldn't cheat) but where's the respect. I finally came up with the answer of it being a matter of opinion. We had an argument a couple weeks ago about it I don't care if it's "harmless" just "looking" blah blah, I HATE it. He knows very well how I feel and keeps doing it. He told me I could look all I wanted to as long as I didn't do anything. Not going to happen. Guess I'm not much help, just wanted you to know I agree. Also, I don't like the way most people instantly blame this "opinion" if it NOT being OK to gawk on us being insecure!!!!

April 8, 2005
3:43 pm
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artist 2
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BamBam, I don't know how you have stood this for six years. And telling him doesn't do any good because he's not concerned. Well, that pisses me off just reading it. I would be tempted to get back at him, and then there's no telling what I would do. A woman scorned....

April 8, 2005
3:56 pm
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BamBam
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artist, I think you hit the nail on the head! You're right, he's not concerned. He is a very selfish type of person and since he knows in his own mind that he really doesn't mean anything bad when he looks at other girls, he doesn't even give any consideration of my opinion of it being wrong. I suppose he thinks since he's doing doing anything "intentional" to me, it's my problem if I can't handle it.

raissa, I think you're right about the situation when you said it was his job to be a good husband and respect you (part of respecting you is giving your opinions/likes/dis-likes some consideration. NOT to mention, it's not like you two are disagreeing over the flavor of ice cream or something, this is something that hurts you(me)!!!!

April 8, 2005
4:17 pm
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artist 2
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Hell yes it's his job to make you happy. Part of that is respecting your wishes. This man is pissing me off... He's putting his own desires in front of yours.

April 8, 2005
4:39 pm
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BamBam
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raissa,

Wondering if it's just fun or crossing the thin line? In my opinion, if it's hurting you (really hurting you, not just you feeling insecure or mad at him about something else), but if he's flurting with someone and it's "hurting" you then he's crossed WAY over the thin line. Just because he's not scr#$ing someone, doesn't mean he's being faithful

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