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My Husband hit me and I don't know what to do
November 14, 2009
10:32 pm
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Why, THANKS ya'll! It's Good to be back and yes, I plan to give any support I can to others who are in my situation. God knows I would want to help others the same way you all helped me. But, I have to say that I still have to deal with the Ex because we are still trying to sell the house. And I have to admit that I see him occassionally. We have made peace with each other for the most part, but it's still tough sometimes. I also have to admit that I might have taken him back if he had actually gotten some Help for himself. But, luckily he didn't do that, which made my decision to leave him the Obvious one.

I still have to deal with his Manipulation and currently, he is trying to get me to move into the house we own because he is tired of living there and paying the mortgage. And he even tried to ultimatum me (last week) into letting him rent the house out, but have me pay for half the $1500 mortgage when it's sitting empty. Because he feels like he can't move forward with his Life until he moves out of the house. Well, I told him in so many words, Tough Luck! He should have though about that before he put his hands on me.

So, things are Good for the most part. But, I still have the lingering house problem and of course, the Ex could totally ruin my Credit if he decided to stop paying the mortgage. But, that's the chance I had to take to get out of that situation.

Nonetheless, Life is still Wonderful! I joined some Social Groups that I found on the Internet so I have been meeting new people and occassionally dating. I've learned so much about myself after going through this ordeal and I have to say that I am Proud of myself. I mean, I am REALLY Proud of myself!!

THANKS again, and I'll be in touch...

Much Love to you all!! 😀

November 15, 2009
12:26 am
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Randomwomen2
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((((Need DV Advice)))))

November 15, 2009
2:08 am
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hopeinhim
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Well, it sounds as if you have few doubts. What a wonderful place to be!

November 15, 2009
12:57 pm
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StronginHim77
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Have you actually divorced him? That would address the sale/ownership of the house and safeguard your credit by resolving the issue, I would hope.

- Ma Strong

November 15, 2009
8:24 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Hi Need DV Advice,

It sounds to me that you figured out the right thing to do.

Nobody desrves to be abused, and nobody can endure it for long without incurring injury.

I'm proud of you.

If you haven't already, I encourage you to read two books.

1) "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans.

2) "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft.

You mentioned that your husband is being manipulative.

As Bancroft pointed out, the character traits of batterers that are very visible in a divorce process are: Batterers are Entitled, Disrespectful, and Manipulative.

November 15, 2009
8:24 pm
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Oh, and I am also very proud of you! Good work.

March 9, 2011
7:34 pm
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Hello there,

Wow, it's been a long time since I posted. Life got super duper busy there for a while.

Things are still good and I've been coming along just fine. Ma Strong, I hope you're still

out there, but you had asked if I was Divorced yet and the answer is YES!! Our Divorce

was final back in June 2009. But, I couldn't get the ex to agree to put the house that

we owned together in only his name. Well, I don't have to worry about the house anymore

because it FINALLY Sold back in June 2010...Wooo Hoooooo! So, I tried to stay on decent

terms with the ex because of our house and we even tried to remain friends. But, over time

it became more and more obvious that he wanted to be more than friends. Because he

started acting strange and would sort of turn into a drama king at times. And he would act

like he was pissed off at me for some reason, but I would have no idea why (??). And he

ended up getting laid off last year and then last November 2010, he landed a job in the same

place that I work. But, I work in a building with over 10,000 people so I didn't really see him

and plus, I work from home most days. Well, one day, he had another one of his 'fits' and he

ended up calling me the 'C' word. I didn't react when he called me that--except for saying

that the name calling wasn't necessary. And so, that was the last time I spoke to him. I had

suspected that he hadn't changed, so I wasn't surprised at his behavior. He's called me many

bad names, but Never the 'C' word. His lack of control over his mouth was a huge eye opener.

Once an Abuser, Always an Abuser. Well, nonetheless, Life is Good. I just moved into a 3-bedroom

townhouse in the same apt complex that I have been living in for the past 2 years. I had made

some Friends here. I haven't dated anyone seriously for about a year now, but I think I'm

ready to get back into the 'scene'. I've been having lots of Fun! but I've been keeping my

guard up because I just am not ready to Trust again just yet. So, for now, I'm just going to

continue on and continue enjoying myself. Well, that's all I wanted to say. I don't how many

of you who helped me are still out there, but I'm so Grateful that you did. And I hope that

All is Well with you all!!                                           -Need DV Advice 🙂

March 10, 2011
8:21 am
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StronginHim77
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Need DV -

How awesome to hear from you after all this time!   And it sounds as if the quality of your life has improved dramatically.  I am truly glad to hear this. 

You are quite right about the "ex."  People DO NOT CHANGE.  Once an abuser, always an abuser.  As far as trying to date again?  That's a tough one.  You have acquired alot of wisdom (the hard way).  And I believe your radar for detecting -- AND ACTING UPON -- red flags has sharpened, too.  After a break of nearly four years, I am trying to date again too...a long distance relationship.  And it is not easy for me.  I am not certain if I am seeing genuine red flags, or if I am simply paranoid from being so badly burned in the past.  Stupid, eh?

Your new place sounds great.  Fill us in on more details when you have time.  And definitely keep the door closed to that toxic ex.  Anyone who would use the "C" word against you does not belong in your life in any capacity.

-  Ma Strong

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