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My Husband hit me and I don't know what to do
January 11, 2008
12:20 am
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mamacinnamon
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CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU !!!!

WAY TO GO

January 11, 2008
1:35 am
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free
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Hey that's cool need. I got my fingers crossed for you.

make sure you erase the history on your computer after each time you come here- don't need him finding this.

rooting for ya!

free

January 11, 2008
3:10 am
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guitargirl
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Good luck!!! I admire your strength. You deserve a new life.

January 11, 2008
8:22 am
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Anonymous
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If someone hits you, you move away from them and get out..and if you have children, you do it yesterday!

January 11, 2008
12:24 pm
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Ima Noid
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I'm a little behind. I notice that this was started a long time ago, but would like to offer my advice anyway. If he is abusing you physically and/or emotionally, you HAVE to get away from him. It is not going to get better, it will only get worse. The problem is with his personality and not with you... but you can stop this by leaving and staying gone. Try to get him to agree to counseling, even if it's not to get back with him, but to help him stop doing this to himself and others. You have to take care of you and your children above everything else.
I wish you good luck!

January 11, 2008
6:11 pm
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Hey Guys,
Yes, I agree 110% that getting away from my Abuser is my top priority at this point in my life. And that is what I'm going to do. My Husband keeps hinting that it is both of our faults that our marriage has failed. And I know that I'm not perfect, no one is, but what ever flaws I have is not the reason our marriage is over.

He was thinking that we would pay for our own attorneys and our own move-out's, but earlier this week, I told him that I wanted him to pay for my attorney and my move. And he didn't agree with me. He said that if I'm working (and bringing in my own income), that he shouldn't have to pay for all of it. And then that's where the conversation turned sour.

I told him that he has to be accountable for what he did to me and that he committed a Criminal Act. And that if I had gotten the police involved that he most certainly would have a criminal record right now. He said that I was trying to bleed him dry at some point. And so, I asked him what he would rather have: 1.)a criminal record or 2.)having to pay a few gran. I told him that my physical scars (or rather bruises) may have gone away, but that my Emotional scars would be with me Forever. And I hold him personally responsible for that. I told him that he was never really punished for his crime and that there were no consequences for his actions. And I feel like I should be compensated in some way for the horrible thing that he did to me.

I told him that I didn't want to have a 'nasty' divorce, but that I am going to seek compensation. And that once I get an attorney I would discuss that with him/her.

So, later I went to a neighbor's house for Girl's Night and my Husband went out by himself to a bar. Later that night when he returned, he apologized and he said that he understood what I was saying earlier. And that he would do what he has to do [to essentially make things right].

He knows that I have pictures of my bruises and I have several witnesses (friends in my neighborhood) that saw the bruises--they were the ones who took the pictures. So, I think that he does not want to go to court, just for that fact. But, we'll see.

Yesterday (Thursday), when I found out that I got the job (contigent upon my drug test & fingerprints-background check), my Husband seemed mopey afterwards. It was weird, but he says he wants a divorce just as much as I do. I almost feel like he's kind of jealous of me right now. I found out that my salary would close to his (1K less) and that seemed to strike a cord with him. Like, he was in disbelief that I'm really moving on.

Oh, I have to go. He just got home from the grocery store. I'll be in touch. THANKS again for all of your advice. You guys are AWESOME!!!
-Need DV Advice

January 11, 2008
6:14 pm
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P.S. Yes, I clear out the history and cookies after each visit to this site.
-Need DV Advice

January 12, 2008
8:00 pm
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Hey Guys,
I just wanted to quickly address something that 'Ima Noid' brought up. Yes, I asked my Husband to go to counseling right after he hit me. And so he started going. But, then the visits got fewer and fewer and after a while, I felt like I was nagging him. At that point, he would only go when I would 'suggest' it to him, or ask him when was the last time he went. So, after a while, I decided to not say anything. And see how long it would take him to actually go on his own.

Well, after that he Never went back to counseling. And after I told him that I wanted 'out' of this marriage, I asked him if he was ever going to go back to counseling and he said "No". So, as far as I'm concerned, I can't make my Husband get better if he doesn't want to. And of course, now, I have no desire to help him get better. I just want to get out of this marriage and move on with my Life.

I came to the Harsh realization that simply put, I'm too Good for him. And I can do Better. And I deserve Better.

It's Amazing to me to think that I was in such a Dark place just a few months ago. My confidence was Low, and I felt so Helpless. But, now, I feel like my 'ole self again. I know that these next few months are going to be very Stressful. But, I'm going to take each day at a time, and continue to get Stronger.

I am really Glad that I found this website. I can't express how much I Appreciate you all...

-Need DV Advice

January 12, 2008
9:09 pm
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You are most welcome to be here. I know in my case it was like the black cloud drifted away and I found out there was sunshine. It was amazing. I hope you will keep your eye on your goal and move forward s you can.

I do hope this goes amicably for you, but I also have my doubts The thing I would advise is get thimgs movin while he's feeling generous. In your Petition ask for the things you need and remember it is 50/50. Be fair but get what you need also.

Best to you and remember there is always someone here w/ a listening ear and a soft hug.

January 15, 2008
7:34 pm
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Hey Guys,
I am so HAPPY right now. I got my official offer letter yesterday, and my start date is this Monday. I am so Overwhelmed right now! And now that I will have benefits, I can get off of my Husband's benefits, as of March 1st. I really, really needed this full-time position, and I am just so glad that the company saw the potential in me.

My Husband says that he is happy for me, but he still gets mopey. Last night, he made some comment like, if we were together, we would make so much money (together). And I said, "Well, you should have believed in me." [Instead of punch me when times got difficult]

My Husband is home for another 2 weeks and then he goes back to his normal 50% travel. This is Week #5 with no travel (Sigh!).

THANK YOU all for being so Supportive and giving me great Advice. You guys are the Bomb-diggity!!!
-Need DV Advice

January 24, 2008
6:45 pm
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Hi Guys!
I can't write much because my Husband is downstairs and it seems like if I'm on a different floor level too long, he checks up on me.

This is Week #6 with no travel for my Husband but Thank Goodness! he goes on travel this Sunday (for a week). I think he goes back to his usual 50% travel starting next week. Hallelujah!

I started my new job this week. But, since I was a contractor in the same position, nothing has really changed. Except I got a new badge today. I have been calling around for divorce attorneys and a co-worker told me about this Legal insurance that my company offers. It's with a company called ARAG.

I have to go. He's coming. More later...

January 24, 2008
6:48 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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Good luck with the new job. IMO you should start making plans to leave this guy. Don't wait until he hurts you so bad you can't recover.

January 24, 2008
7:05 pm
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(((Need))) The ((())) means hugs. I agree with Tiger. Will let others adivse you. This is a great site. Good luck.

January 24, 2008
7:58 pm
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If I remember correctly, you have reserved your townhouse rental, starting in mid-March? So, you have at least 6-7 weeks to go? Please be very careful, especially since he is frequenting the bars. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and is a MAJOR contributor to physical abuse.

I am thrilled to learn about your job and salary. You sound so completely different from the wounded, timid, frightened woman who first posted here last May. Guess I will have to nominate you for the AAC "Break Free From Abuse" Poster Child!!

- Ma Strong

January 24, 2008
8:30 pm
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MsGuided
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No healthy adult deserves to live like a prisoner, being under watch and monitored.

You aren't accepting abuse or this life anymore and that is good.
You do have to pussy-foot for your safety in the meantime tho......Been there myself!

Congrats on lining up your options and taking back control! I hope the legal insurance covers divorce!

I wish you all the best on your road to dignity, empowerment and freedom NDVA.:0)

January 24, 2008
8:36 pm
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thewall
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Im also on your support team to escape this abusive life and husband!! Good job taking control over your life.

And if you get a chance, find books on healing from emotional abuse. The emotional abuse goes along with any kind of abuse. i found the emotional abuse books to be so helpful in my own life, from the effects of a phys abusive mother.

good luck and stay safe

January 24, 2008
8:39 pm
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Celtic1
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(((Need)))

Congrats on the new job. Be safe.

Celtic

January 25, 2008
6:38 pm
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Thanks Guys!
Honestly, I couldn't have gotten the strength to come to my senses and get away my Husband if it weren't for all of you and your wonderful insight and ADVICE. I truly, truly am happy that I found this website and that I found all of YOU!

Yes, I have a townhouse (rental) that I am moving into in mid-March. I get the keys on March 14th and I'm sure ya'll can imagine how I'm counting down the days/hours/minutes/seconds/nanoseconds! ๐Ÿ™‚

And yes, I do feel like a Totally different woman than when I first posted back in May. I've been through some rough times in the past, but I have Never in my Life been that Depressed and Down and Insecure. A Partner is supposed to make you a Better person, not bring you Down so Low that you feel like the bottom of a Sh*t pile. And that's what my Husband has been doing to me for YEARS and I didn't even realize it. Being around him (especially now) is like being with this Super Incredibly MISERABLE human being who wants you to feel just as Miserable as he feels.

I Thank God every day for you all & this forum because now, I feel like a New woman. I'm not that old, but when you've been with the same person for so many years, it is just so hard to imagine being Alone. I am 35 years old and I realize that that is not that old. And I use 'Oil of Olay' so I don't think I look my age anyways. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Well, the alternate Scared me even more and that is--staying with my Abuser and wondering when he'll SNAP again and hurt me. Forget that! I'll take being single at 35 over that Any Day of the Week!

Well, I better run before my Husband gets too bored and checks up on me.

You Guys are Da BOMB-DIGGITY!

-Need DV Advice

January 27, 2008
2:27 pm
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I admire your courage.Wish I had some.

January 29, 2008
8:38 am
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I left my husband around the same age and I thought I would just die. I didn't! I am much happier now.

January 30, 2008
10:50 pm
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Hey Guys,
This week is a good week. My Husband is on work travel and I feel so FREE when he's away. I don't have to tip-toe around and try to dodge arguments or whatever. The only bad thing is that I dread Friday evening when his plane lands. But, oh well. I just have to hang in there until my Big Move, I suppose.

This is for newwifestyle: I may be on the wrong path, but if you are having trouble getting the courage to leave your Abuser, then Please go back to some of the earlier posts on this thread and read what others wrote to me. All of the things that people told me gave me the Strength and Courage to make the Decision to leave my Husband. After I soaked everything in, it really was a no-brainer.

Okay, it's almost 11pm and I need to get some sleep. Good Night All!

-Need DV Advice

January 31, 2008
12:51 am
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Glad you made this choice. Remember to be vigilant now the closer it get's to your move time, the more likely he is to "explode" - stay safe.

Much love,

Z.

November 5, 2009
2:21 am
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Hello Guys,
It's been almost 2 years since I've written so I don't know if all of the people that gave me such GREAT advice are still around. But, if you are then I just want to say "THANK YOU!!" again for helping through the toughest time I've ever had in my Life.

My Divorce was FINAL this past June and I am still working for the same company that I was working for--that made it possible for me to leave my Ex-Husband. I feel like a Totally different person than when I first posted back in 2007. I feel Stronger, Smarter, Better. I've been on my own for a while now and honestly, I am really enjoying the Bachelorette Life. No offense to the fellas, but it is GREAT not having to deal with 'Relationship' problems or whatever. I mean, I've slowly gotten back in the dating scene, but as time as gone on, I realize that I'm just not interested. ๐Ÿ˜€ I think right now, I just need my "ME" time. And I know that there is nothing wrong with that.

Well, that is all I had to say. I just wanted to say that I am SO Thankful that I found this website because I truly Believe that it changed my Life. And I just Hope that other women who are going through what I went through get the Courage to stand up for themselves and Leave their Abusers. It was the Hardest thing I ever had to do, but it's also the BEST Decision that I ever made...

November 5, 2009
11:13 am
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I sure do remember you! I was the one who nominated you to be a poster child for "Leaving Abuse." Or something like that. You did so great. It was hard, but you faced your situation and took every, single, necessary step towards safety, wholeness and recovery.

Thanks for posting here today. You can be a real inspiration to others who are afraid to leave their abuser.

- Ma Strong

November 5, 2009
4:31 pm
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atalose
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Welcome back Need DV Advice (Bachelorette)!!!!!!

Itโ€™s wonderful that you and your life are much healthier these days, thatโ€™s fantastic!!!!

Your strength and courage to get out of that abusive relationship is truly inspiration and I hope you stick around a bit to offer insights and support to others struggling with where you once were.

((((Need DV Advice))))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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