Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
My husband has a problem!
February 23, 2006
12:13 am
Avatar
prettybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi, My name is elaina, i've been on this website before but it's been about a year. Since then i got married and lost two babies by miscarriage. I come back to the website to try to get some help with my marriage before it goes to far. Well my husband smokes pot,he's been smoking for almost the whole time we'd been together.I'll asked him the other day to choose me or that. He chose me, but then the next day he asked if he could just smoke one more. I said no, and he went and got a whole fight started with me and his family. So i left and moved back in with my mother. I miss him and i really want to be with him, but he said some horrible things to me and about my family. I need to have a second opinion on what i should do. This is the second time i've left him because of the same thing. Please help me!!

February 23, 2006
12:29 am
Avatar
ryny143
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi~I was with someone like that for a while (but not married). A lot of times, drug users will feel such a need for the drug that when confronted with quitting, they start any fight they can. My father was like this too, with alcohol. Both of them would start fights, JUST to have an excuse to leave, smoke pot, drink, etc., and come back with apologies. Don't blame yourself no matter what you do, bc your not the cause of their need for this drug.

I'm not an expert, but I'd say talk to him again, and make it clear that he needs to stop smoking pot, if he really wants to be with you. Maybe either you, or both of you, could come up with a plan of action (that is IF he is serious about quitting). Maybe a support group, therapy, other activities that might be able to replace pot..... Either way, be strong, and make him prove that you are more important than pot! Best of luck!!!

February 23, 2006
8:53 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi, you have to decide if his words about you and your family are worthy of taking him back or not.

With the pot, that is his choice, and he may resent you if you tell him to stop, so basically he would have to want to stop for his own reasons and stop using drugs to get away from the real world.

Take into account all of this and talk with him if needed and let him know how you feel and do not settle, stick to your words and see if he makes positive changes.

February 23, 2006
10:50 am
Avatar
prettybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for the advice.
I've tried to get him to go to marriage counseling right after we got married. Do you think I should talk to him about that again?

February 23, 2006
10:59 am
Avatar
codyrn
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Do you think you have the ability to fix him ?

February 23, 2006
11:04 am
Avatar
prettybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I've changed his ways before, so maybe!

February 23, 2006
11:56 am
Avatar
prettybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I wanted to ad onto my para..
Ever since i've moved in with my husband at 17 we've had arguments about him getting a job. But in order for him to get a job he'll have to stop smoking. Well when i found out i was preganant he said that as soon as i turn 7 months he'd stop. Well we found out i lost it and found out i have cancer cells on my crevix he blamed me for losing it. When the docter sat there and told us that the baby didn't get enough nutrition. His family never had enough food in their house to feed everybody. And he still blames me. After the surgary he told me everything would change and he would take care of me. So i moved back in with him and his parents and three siblings. Nothing changed, it just got worse. He told me he'd stop smoking after my next surgary for the cancer cells. And when i get pregnant again. He keeps putting it off. Then i finally told him it's me or drugs. Then all that other stuff happened. I miss him and i understand that it's hard to stop smoking but i dont get any attention from him unless he wants something. I need him to talk to me just to talk and i need him to be more honest to me. I need someone who makes me feel good about myself. He makes me feel like im ugly and only wanted for one thing. We use to be close and he use to look at me like i was the prettiest girl in the world. But now the only time he looks at me is when he wants something or when he leaves.
He use to wake me up in the morning before he went to work to tell me he loves me and he'll miss me, but now it seems like he doesn't have time for me anymore. Sometimes i think he wouldn't notice i was gone until someone told him. I do i get our spark back and make me happy at the same time? I miss him loving on me for no reason!!! Is it me or does he seem like he wants something different?

February 23, 2006
12:54 pm
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Prettybaby,
I went through the same things that you went through but I thank god that I came out of it.

My first thing to you is that you can not fix him. Only god can raise the dead. Let god do his job.
I realize that to many of us wants to fix the problems or the person but you know what, we can't do that.

My boyfriend was drinking like a fish and smoking like a fire. Thank god we were not living together, because I probably would have put him OUT.
He became homeless on his own for about a year, chasing the drugs. The last time that I had seen him while he was homeless and doing drugs, I told him that he have choices in life and which one is he going to take. Well after I left him, he decided to take one last hit and then he fell out in public. Thank god there were others around him. Well long story short, he has been clean and sober for eight years. He looks good now. He can't even look at a picture of himself when he was like that. He now talks to other about what he went through.
Just imaging if I was trying to fix him, fixing him but having no one to fix me. Girl, please. Until he wants to change on his own, then there is nothing that you can do about it.
And by living with his family, that don't work. That is his family, they can't help him either. Don't never tell him it's me or the drugs because you know what, you will not win.
I'm sorry that you had two miscarriage but sometimes god does things for a reason and what kind of father do you think he will be. Get your life together. Maybe it is not time for you to have any children until both of your lives are correct. Everything happens for a reason.

February 23, 2006
2:27 pm
Avatar
artist 2
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You cant' change a person. Only they can make the decision. Why waste your time?

February 23, 2006
2:43 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Prettybaby:

From a woman who has lived w/ a pot smoker for 13 years.... It's not worth it honey. It doesn't matter how many times he tells you he will quit; he won't unless he wants to. And if he does quit he'll just fall back into it again and again, specially if it is easily accesible thru family. It's a roller coaster ride that never stops. If you were to have kids, what about his pot smokin... he gonna quit then? I doubt it. My b-i-l actually keeps this stuff right there on the endtable and their child (now 8) is to know better than to touch it. That to me is just unacceptible, but i'm told to stay out of it so I don't go there. But anyway, he's not gonna work, it can cause birth defects, and the drugs become more to him than you could possibly be.

You are a beautiful girl and smart. He doesn't notice coz he cannot. His head is all messed up w/ the drugs.

I am sorry. It's a hard life if you choose to live it. I believe in keeping marriages together, but there are some things that just don't work. If you are living in dispair and depression then you will have to decide this is the way it will be; unless he wants to change or he wanst to go for counseling; and you've said he won't. The most important thing is.... IF you say it then you stand behind it. Set your boundaries or walk.

February 23, 2006
8:05 pm
Avatar
mikey101
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MY HUSBAND HAS THE SAME PROBLEM. I'M NOT SURE IF IT IS RECREATIONAL OR AN ADDICTION. I AM CURRENTLY IN A RECOVERY GROUP OF MY OWN. NOT FOR DRUGS OR ALCOHOL BUT FOR CODEPENDECY. IT IS A CHRISTIAN BASED GROUP AND IT IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE. I DO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM SMOKING POT....BECAUSE HE LIES ABOUT IT. TRUST IS A HUGE ISSUE WITH ME. I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 13 YEARS AND THERE ARE CHILDREN INVOLVED. I HAVE GIVEN HIM THE ULTIMATIUM AND OF COURSE HE SAYS I WON'T DO IT ANYMORE...BUT HE STILL DOES. IF I'VE LEARNED ANYTHING....IT'S THAT I CAN'T CHANGE HIM. NO MATTER WHAT I SAY OR DO. THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE WON'T CHANGE BECAUSE I BELIEVE THAT HE WILL.....BUT I DO KNOW IT WON'T BE BECAUSE OF ME. I DON'T HAVE TO ACCEPT HIS BEHAVIOR....BUT I CAN HOPE FOR SOMETHING BETTER FOR HIM. I AM JUST LEARNING HOW TO RESPOND TO THIS MORE THAN REACT TO IT. THERE IS MORE AT STAKE HERE THAN JUST MYSELF. I'M NOT REALLY QUALIFIED TO GIVE ADVISE....I CAN ONLY TELL YOU ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY SITUATION. IT'S NICE TO KNOW THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE IN MY SHOES.

February 23, 2006
10:14 pm
Avatar
prettybaby
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Im sorry mikey101, I know how your life must be. I feel bad for peoople like me. Because we go through these difficult things every day of our life for the ones we love. I love my husband very much and i want to be with him, but i wish he would spend a little more time with me then his drugs. I feel like thats all he needs to be happy, like he doesn't need me. I feel that im in this realationship alone and that i have to do everything myself. Do you know what i mean? The only time he spends with me is when we go to bed, and he doesn't even have a job. So nothings really keeping him away from me except for his pot. I suggested counseling again and he's considering it. He said he wants us to be happy again. I hope everything works out for you. Thank you for writing me. you dont know how much i appreciate someone to talk to who can relate to my life. You are my new best friend. Hope to talk to you again. Let me know how things are going. k?

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110978
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714262
Newest Members:
brianwolfe, swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information