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My husband beats our dog...and I am not happy ..
February 3, 2006
8:56 pm
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bonni
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Ras,
I love you!
bonni

February 3, 2006
9:47 pm
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Rasputin
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Bonni! I love you too! I am a great lover and fan of pets and have a kitty and I despise anyone who beats or mistreats vulnerable creatures such as kids, the elderly and pets.

When I read Birdie's post, this one, I was in tears and got up and hugged my sweetie kitty so tighly. My God, my kitty scrached so many of my books and did naughty things and I Never raised up my hand on her. How can that man does these things to a dog? Pets are not like humans, their mind is not as developed as us. Thus, they are not as intelligent as humans no matter what, so if the dog does not understand something or disobedient, there is a way to train him without violence!

When my kitty does does soemthing naught like scrach my fingers or hands, all I do is a firm "NO" and in case she repeats it I say again "NO" with a strict expression on my face and my kitty stops doing scraching my fingers.

Birdie, I hope your hubby is aware of these methods.

February 3, 2006
10:28 pm
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Birdie
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Well, I had a long talk with my father about the situation to let him know my intentions about the separation. I also told my husband briefly today about my intentions to separate, but he is acting like nothing is wrong. Kinda makes me feel like I might be overreacting, but after viewing all the messages...Im gonna make my push tommorow...Seriouly this whole experience is H!#@ for me.

February 3, 2006
10:43 pm
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Birdie
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I guess I should add that I told him that I would report him if he hit the dog again. Anyways, I think he will leave --respect my wishes--this weekend. Its very hard for me because I love him. He really isn't an evil person, just one I can't live with.

February 4, 2006
12:27 am
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bonita1
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Today the dog. Tomorrow you.

Actually, tomorrow is already here because he easily turned from hitting the dog to hitting you.

You are in danger. Do not tell him you are leaving. Do not tell him you are getting a divorce. His reaction may be violent. Just leave. Get a good divorce attorney and let her/him take over all further communication. Go to a friend's house that he does not know. Do something!! Just make sure you take your dog and leave.

You do not want him to father a child with you. The child will be another one of his victims. He is not fit to be a father. He is not fit to own a dog. He is not fit to be anybody's husband.

Be safe. My prayers are with you.

February 4, 2006
5:13 am
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alycia
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Can i ask where in sth america he is from? Don't take it the wrong way and i dont want to offend anyone but are there any good sth american men out there?

I have met many and i think very very few are decent. My ex was from chile, i think the chileans and the salvos somehow qualify as the worst especially meeting some of my exes friends, not that he was much better as i sadly found out.

Was just curious to know where in sth america?

February 4, 2006
6:43 am
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Anonymous
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hi there,

I hope you are safe and sound today with your dog....my (now ex) bf is an animal beater as well. Two weeks ago he asked me if I loved the cat more than him, and well, lets say when i left two weeks ago, I didn't bring my bf;) Unfortunately I have to agree 150% with the above comments, I find you are in serious danger if you are to confront this man with divorce. My ex is Mexican, and unfortunately their culture is just completely different, men dominate there, period. After fighting it for two years, the abuse got worse, the isolation more, etc... etc.... Go with your heart. I realized last week that I was ready to leave, I walked out and havn't looked back, before I would make it for two days before I took him back. They cry, they yell, they threaten, they do whatever it takes to push your buttons to get you back in. I wasn't happy and never would have been happy. Even if it takes you a few tries to leave, don't give up, one day you will walk away. I also wanted to add, the clincher for me was I found out I was 4 months pregnant, a week later he decided he didn't have to come home anymore and started to really treat me like s***. I walked out after the first night, because it is sad but true, once you have a child with them they always have some hold on you. I can write a book about this experience, one I will NEVER repeat again. I hope this helps, I know it hurts, but feeling sorry for someone and wanting to help them isn't the same as actually loving them!

February 4, 2006
9:44 am
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Birdie
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He is from Bolivia. I tried to explain that I wanted a seperation to him in debth this morning. But he said "Can we work on it." I swear I tried to be stolid about it, but then he said it was divorce or him--that he really loves me and started crying. So confused right now.

February 4, 2006
9:55 am
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whidbey
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Confusion is the main tool of an abuser. He is giving you an ultimatum. Ultimatums are not what healthy relationships are built on. Don't let him manipulate you. He has not regard for other living things. If he did, he wouldn't beat a defenseless animal OR you, which he did. He "kicked you and hit you back." He has already devalued you as a human being. I know how much it hurts, truly I do. But please love yourself, and your dog, enough to get yourselves to safety, and don't be blinded by the web of confusion he is trying to spin around you, and that is exactly what he is trying to do to you. Please don't fall for it.

February 4, 2006
3:10 pm
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Zinnie
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That is what he is hoping for - to keep you confused.

As mentioned above, first the dog then you - and in addition, the dog is defenseless. Anyone who beats an animal is a coward!

That being said, file for a restraining order, get your Dad's backing if need be since you are living there with him and file for a divorce. I am not an advocate of divorce, I firmly believe in counseling EXCEPT in the case of abuse. It will only escalate.

Z.

February 4, 2006
4:26 pm
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Birdie
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My husband said he would go to counseling with me. He seems to want to work on the relaitonship and is being really really submissive right now.

I want to be a hard a** but its hard.
He says he feels extremely guilty and hurt because of our discussion this morning.

February 4, 2006
5:05 pm
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Birdie,

Your husband needs to go to counselling for HIMSELF. This is not a marriage counselling issue.

If you can find that book I mentioned, ("Why Does He DO That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft) there is a good section at the back for how to evaluate good programs for abusers.

He's being submissive, he says he feels guilty, he says he feels hurt.... please don't get sucked in and seduced by his charming side.

It's important to find a counsellor for him who understands how abusers are and will not be bamboozled by his charming side. Unfortunately that can and does happen with inexperienced counsellors.

Stay strong. Don't cave. Hold onto what you know.

Is there a women's center near you where you can get advice and information on possible counsellors for him?

February 4, 2006
5:35 pm
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hopeful for change
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I to know a few men who were animal abusers and they were both physically abusive to their wives. I don't know how to explain it why they are the way they are. I am an animal lover to so I guess I would let the dog free if you can't let yourself free. I don't know why some people think "beating" an animal will make it respect or love you, all it makes them is fear you.

I hope that you are doing ok and that you and your dog are well..

February 4, 2006
9:55 pm
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StronginHim77
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Please get the dog out of there. Even if you choose to stay with this abuser, the dog is an innocent victim who cannot "choose." Please please please get the poor animal to safety. If you don't, you are as guilty as your husband for the dog's sufferings, because you are standing by and permitting the dog to be remain in a potentially dangerous situation.

February 4, 2006
11:06 pm
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bonita1
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My gosh!!! Birdie, do you realize what is happening? Strong said you are permitting the dog to remain in a potentially dangerous situation.

Well gosh darn yeah! No sh*t! But do you realize the unspoken thought here? You are permitting YOU, a valuable human being, to remain in a potentially dangerous situation.

Also, what the h*** does he have to be "hurt" about? That is so freakin' manipulative!! He is the only cause of the hurt in your home. He hurts the dog. He hurts you. He has serious anger management issues that he needs to resolve before you can even consider any marriage counseling.

You and the dog need to be safe from harm. He needs to get out or you need to leave. I am so sorry you are in this situation. But, please put yourself and your innocent dog out of harm's way. Please seek some counseling for yourself. I am only offering my opinion and my heartfelt wish for you and your pet to be safe. I am not a trained, licensed counselor. Please seek help.

~~bonita

February 6, 2006
8:19 am
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Notsure
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This man is dangerous and exhibits classic abuser symptoms and that is because he IS abusive. Send the dog away if you choose to stay and don't want to leave but, truth be told, you should get yourself out too. Good luck. Notsure.

February 6, 2006
8:53 am
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dalpuz
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I've been offline a while but [email protected]#...if you want to send me to the top of a thermestate and blow!.....hhit an animal or woman.

If this guy thinks so much of himself that he feeels he can justify hitting woman and animals without regard, GET OUT, REPORT THE SON OF A BITCH, AND CRUSIFY HIM.

I'm to you all if im so extreme here but at least you have the option to leave and walk out. After a while that dog will actually train itself to see being beaten as affection and an act of love. Call ANIMAL control. I'll pick the dog up until you get rid of this creep.
j
Get the Devil off your doorstep

February 6, 2006
8:56 am
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dalpuz
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The funny thing is if you look at what the dog is going through because you can see it. Open you eyes wider and realize it's your reflection. Your both going through the same thing. Wake Up and get out, and make sure you've got that dog with you.

February 6, 2006
11:02 am
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be_a_screen
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What would happen if you were in a situation with a relative that would steal your money and keep draining you until you lost a house, custody of a child etc. Would you say well, they had a a bad childhood and they can't control themselves?

Bottom line, there will always be reasons to rationalize the way a person acts. Dangerous empathy - viewing a person in a way as to excuse acts that are dangerous to you.

You love someone who does not love you back.

February 6, 2006
1:45 pm
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kathygy
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birdie,

Your husband is only being submissive now because he doesn't want you to leave. But if you stay he'll revert back to his old ways and I'm willing to bet that he will kick the dog again.

I agree, I don't think your husband's abusive behavior can be well addressed in marriage counseling.

It is very deep rooted if he was beat by his own father.

February 6, 2006
2:04 pm
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dalpuz
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what kind of dog is it?

February 6, 2006
2:06 pm
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caraway
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NO excuse for hitting an animal... NONE!!

Cary

February 6, 2006
2:32 pm
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dalpuz
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i couldn't agree more

February 6, 2006
3:15 pm
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I wish I was In love
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birdie, if he beats the family dog, you are also at risk of being hurt physically, beating an innocent doggie is illegal and one of the major signs of people who are capable of seriously hurting others, you should look into the signs of a domestic abuser, you will be surprized of what the signs are please stay safe and may God guide you in all you do.
P.S. be strong and get spiritual guidance (if you are a believer,) it will help.

February 6, 2006
5:13 pm
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CAMER
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i wish Birdie would "re post".....i think she knows she is in a bad situation, and may give her hubby the benefit of the doubt now....I guess all we can do now is wait and see if she reposts.

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