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MY HEALTH IS GOING BAD BECAUSE OF MY SON
August 24, 2006
12:19 pm
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nappy
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My health is going down hill. Everyone around me is noticing it and by looking into the mirror, I see it also. I am scared that I am going back into the hospital if I don't get myself together. My son has moved back in with me and it's only been two weeks now and I can't take it anymore. My other son has his own room and this one son is sleeping on my couch. My place is not big enough for all of us in there. My son that came back is living like when he was living by himself. Leaving things around the house, eating up the food, not cleaning up behind himself. I know that I am going to have to make the most hurtful decision of my life and tell my son that he is going to have to go. It is hurting my heart but I know that it is the best thing for me to do especially for my health and my job. I have been at my job for 22 years and can't afford to lose it now because of my home life. Stress is eating me up and everyone see it. My son has made some bad choices in his life but I can't do anything about that. He left my home when he was 17, and has been hopping from one house to the next. I think that drugs had him to lose his job and to get kick out of the last place that he was sharing with his friend. I didn't tell him to do drugs, that was a choices that he choose. Now he is leaning on me like a crutch and I just can't be it for him right now. My health comes first but to kick my son out is going to break my heart even more but after these two weeks now, he still haven't found a job and when I leave in the morning for work. I don't know where he is going but I know that he is going some place. My other son has found a job and will be helping me and also himself but this one, I just don't know what his problems are and I can't fix them. Everyone is telling me that he have to go because it has change me so much. I can't take it anymore, I need help.

August 24, 2006
2:07 pm
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StronginHim77
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Dear nappy,

My dear, dear friend...you are really suffering. And that has to stop before you stress yourself right into a hospital, ya hear? It is time for this son to move out. You have supported him with a place to stay, to bathe and free food for two weeks now. That was plenty of time for him to find some kind of work. It sounds like he hasn't tried at all. And he plans to just keep on living there, using your electricity and your water and eating your food, so that he can do nothing. Yes. You are going to have to get him out of there.

If you plan the day/time beforehand, you can call the local police department and request their presence, to prevent any trouble or violence. It is a public service which they are REQUIRED to provide.

Hopefully, it can be done quietly, so you don't have any complaints at your apt. building. I would try not to worry about that. Alot of us have had problems from time to time, requiring police assistance. It's not your fault and you should not feel ashamed or embarassed about it. These things HAPPEN. You can't control the choices your son is making, but you ARE making choices, yourself and that is good. Don't wanna see you winding up in the hospital ER from all this trouble. The sooner you get him out of there, the better.

- Strong

August 24, 2006
2:43 pm
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nappy
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Yes I understand Strong, My health has to come first before I wind up in the hospital. Then when I'm in the hospital, what is they going to do? Nothing but wonder what is going to happen to them. I have three sons and my oldest is on his own. He has tried to help them but gave up because my son that came back is holding so much anger but I can't help that with that. He is going to have to let that go but now this is where he is going to have to go to his friends. He have burn so many people. His one friend did give him a place to stay, his own room and free range of the house but my son just didn't seem to get it. I never thought that I would feel like this toward my own children but now I just don't care anymore. I think that this is where my son is going to have to learn because he thinks that he is fooling me but he is not. It is funny that other people could see that my health is going bad but my own kids don't see it and think that I am crazy when I complain about my health and the more that I think about it the more that I am getting angry. They think they know so much now but this time mother knows best.

August 24, 2006
2:57 pm
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StronginHim77
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nappy...

Let us know when you plan to get him out. We will be here for you.

- Strong

August 24, 2006
3:26 pm
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nappy
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I will be getting my son out either tonight or tomorrow. The sooner the better for me and my health.

August 25, 2006
12:30 am
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pearlseeker
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Nappy, Sweet Nappy!

You are the one who gave me such eye opening advice about my brother. Now you need to follow the advice you gave me. Your wise advice gave me strength and when I read it, I knew deep down how right you were.

My thread was Brother Issues. And you really did choke me up because yur advice was so good and true.
So read what you said to me...and you follow it, too!

I am so sorry that you have to go through this..but it sounds like a lot of people love you and depend on you...and if you get sick and lose your job...that would be horrible. You do NOT deserve that. You need to take care of yourself and put yourself FIRST until you are back to being healthy again. And happy.

Be strong. You can do it.

August 25, 2006
12:42 am
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mamacinnamon
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Nappy: You are diong the right thing honey. Honestly, from one mom of an addict to another, you are doing what is not only best for you but for him. You gave him a shot. Now it's time he stand on his own or fall on his face and then decide to get up. One way or the other they have to hit the bottom before they bounce back up. Some just have much deeper bottoms to hit.

Stand strong girl and take care of yourself. Stress can do terrible things to one's health. Take that from one who knows all to well.

August 25, 2006
10:39 am
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StronginHim77
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Nappy -

If you can, give us an update? Kinda worried about ya.

- Strong

August 25, 2006
11:53 pm
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pearlseeker
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Nappy...I also read your thread "MY Son is on drugs"

Let us know how you are doing tomorrow. OK?? Did you call a rehab place for advice.

Hang in there. Pray for guidance.

August 26, 2006
1:24 am
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mochroi
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Nappy,
I am new to this forum so forgive me if I don't know your history. I am troubled by the headline of your post, that your son is causing your health to decline. In my experience no one else can cause us to do anything. It is our choices that cause stress and subsequent illness.

In my view kicking him out will not necessary eliviate your stress. Perhaps for the short term but more than likely that choice will just compound the situation with guilt. You are his mother and obviously care about your son but feel powerless or there would be no dilema. Stress can certainly cause illness but the source of that stress is the cause of your downturn not your son.

From my perspective I would guess that not setting boundries and demanding respect is the source. You never mentioned how old he is now but if he started doing drugs in his early teens chances are he still has the coping mechanisms of a child. Motherhood doesn't end just because a child reaches what is percieved to be adulthood. Adulthood starts when someone can take responsibility for themselves. Parenting is about helping children to gain that independence and be able to take responsibility.

I would suggest making a list of expectations, shared chores, counseling for him or both of you, him being up and out of the house when you go to work so he can look for work himself or off to GED classes. This empowers you and gives him the opportunity to empower himself. If you feel you need a third party contact someone to do an intervention. If he chooses not to abide by your rules in your home then kick him out, anything else would be enabling. I am not saying this would be easy. The difference is that you can do it feeling empowered, knowing that you gave him the opportunity to grow and make good choices to turn his life around.

August 26, 2006
9:55 am
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Robert123
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Ummmm sorry Nappy I can't see how your son can make your health go bad. I CAN see how the choice to allow him back in your house has created a lot of stress for you, which might effect your health. I guess you have a decision to make.

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