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MY GOOD FRIEND IS KILLING HERSELF, I NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY OR DO!!
January 17, 2007
3:30 am
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santino
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What a day, I'm back in counseling talking about the ex, trying to work on myself and all that good stuff. I go to work today and around 10 pm the phone rings, I answere it and it's my ex. But this time, my heart doesnt drop. We great eachother and began to joke around and chat like two buddies who haven't heard from eachother in a long time. As time goes by I ask how her sister (my friend) is doing, then sillence....

Hello.... I say and her voice begans to crack.... not good she says. My heart starts to race, whats wrong I asked so she tells me that her sister is making herself throw up and she is uncontrollable. Shes lost 30 pounds in 3 months!!! She only weighs 68 pounds!!! And shes 21 years old!!! She begans to cry and tells me that she wont listen, she wot go see a doctor, she wont stop!! My ex sounded so helpless. I tried to be there for her but I didn't really have any good advise. I don't really know much about bulimia. I advised her to get an intervention, but her sister is so stubborn she wouldn't do it. Shes on a destructive path and I don't know how to help!! I'm thousands a miles away and feel so helpless.

I told my ex that if she ever needed anyone to talk to if she was feeling down to call me so I can help. I didn't want to open that door but it killed me to hear her so vulnerable. She sounded very gratefull.

I need advise desperately.

What should I tell her to do regarding her sister?

What can happend to people with bulimia?

I just don't know enough about the disease to be helpful, can anyone help?! Please?!

January 17, 2007
8:54 am
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Anonymous
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Santino,

Even a mild case is bad for the enamel on your teeth.

68 lbs...that is ridiculous....she needs to be in a program or be hospitalized...forget the teeth....how is she still alive?

It may be bulimerexia...bulimia and anorexia...many bulimics have a normal body weight. basically starvation, but whenever you eat you purge.

Not really much of a binge.

Often throwing up after eating doesn't eliminate calorie ingestion because the stomach lining has already absorbed calories and it is very hard to throw up everything you have eaten.

Maybe she will go to EDA...Eating Disorder Anonymous...but I think if she is refusing medical assistance....that might be a tough one...I don't know how you force a 21 into an eating disorder program...maybe there are some sort of similar laws out there like the 72 hour hold for people who attempt suicide.

I'd google bulimia and anorexia and check out the EDA site.

You know...so you don't freak her out by accidently saying something like "girl, we need to fatten you up." which would send her into a major freak out.

January 17, 2007
9:22 am
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jastypes
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This girl is a candidate for commitment, even against her will. She is killing herself, plain and simple. Your friend should throw her in the car and get her to an ER NOW before she dies and then that will be on her conscience. She cannot see her need for help right now. Someone else HAS to take control. A doctor would have her hospitalized IMMEDIATELY.

January 17, 2007
9:29 am
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lovetocrochet
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I'm sorry your ex's sister is suffering so much, and refusing to listen.

I have a friend in OA who has had both anorexia and bulimia. When she entered program she was 95 pounds (she's 5'6"). She's been in recovery for about five years or so and is now at a normal weight, eats healthy, doesn't purge. It's still a daily struggle for her, many days she still argues with her sponsor that she's eating too much when she's not, but she's doing it with the help and grace of God.

What she said helped her finally wake up to what she was doing and how serious it was, was a doctor she respected talking to her. The doctor herself also had suffered from eating disorders, and she told my friend look, you're in a lot of trouble and you need help NOW. My friend said to hear this from someone who'd been there, and who was a medical professional, really drove home to her the gravity of the whole thing. She entered a treatment program shortly after and then OA.

A lot of people think OA is only for those who overeat, but they've actually helped out scores of people who have other eating disorders including anorexia and bulimia. I can attest to this as well, I struggled on and off with anorexia for many years and I also abused laxatives. Through a sponsor I was able to formulate a healthy food plan where I don't eat too much or too little... and I am tackling the roots of why I developed eating disorders in the first place.

As artist girl mentioned there's also other 12-step programs that focus on eating disorders. Aside from EDA there's also Anorexics-Bulimics Anonymous, Food Addicts Anonymous, and Grey Sheeters Anonymous. Which one's right for your ex's sister is up to her.

The family can try to talk to her doctor and see if she's a threat enough to herself to get her hospitalized. If she's only 68 pounds this could be possible.

Teeth are probably the last of her concerns. At this point she's risking organ damage and possible shutdown, she's leeching calcium out of her bones, she's putting an unimaginable strain on her heart. Another recovering bulimic friend of mine is in her mid-late 20s and not only did she permanently mess up her digestive system but she has osteoporosis... and she was nowhere near in as danger as your ex's sister.

I sure hope something gets through to this young woman soon. She's in a dire situation and you are right, she is killing herself - this is a slow suicide, some will even admit it.

January 17, 2007
9:38 am
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StronginHim77
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Look up the Renfrew Center online. There are several of them. (I know there is one in Coconut Creek, Florida.) People die from bulemia. Many survivors retain permanent organ/heart and esophogial damage. I know because I am a recovered bulemic.

It is an illness. The patient must have outside intervention. I know how angry I got when my psychologist made me face the Truth: I was punishing myself by refusing to feed myself. To this day, I still have to struggle with a desire to vomit (or deny myself any food, like an anorexic...these disorders can "overlap") whenever I am upset, scared, unhappy or feeling bad about myself.

I rarely feel genuine hunger, unless I am extremely happy. I must force myself to eat a great deal of the time.

Here is what you must do for your friend. Report her condition to her doctor. That is essential. If the doctor is unresponsive (or if she has no doctor), then contact a local psychiatrist or psychologist (or one of the Renfrew Centers) for information on how to have her involuntarily committed for treatment. It is definitely do-able. If you don't do this, she will probably die. It is a recognized illness, so she CAN be commmitted for treatment, in order to save her life.

DO IT. If you can't because of the geograhy involved, get someone else who cares about her and lives nearby to do it. PERIOD.

There are no excuses in this situation. She will be very very angry with whoever helps her. (I sure was.) But someday, she will be grateful to the people who helped her.
(I was and still am!!).

- Ma Strong

January 17, 2007
10:10 am
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Anonymous
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I am glad there is a way involuntarily committ someone. I think it is a good idea for this woman.

January 17, 2007
11:18 am
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loverbee
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I can tell you from experience that although it would be against her will, she needs to be committed into a program for people with eating disorders and then in the end she will thank you. You have to intervene though or your ex does.

January 18, 2007
2:57 am
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santino
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Thanks all for e advise 🙂

January 18, 2007
3:46 am
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kingy
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Dear Santino,
Bulimia/anorexia is just the way out. The main cause for all this is deeper. There is something about herself which she does not like and hence is trying to take it out of her system.
Yes, EDA will help, but at the same time she needs a one to one interaction with a therapist and the earlier this is done, the better.
Hope she responds to therapy.
Wish you all the best.

January 18, 2007
8:47 am
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Anonymous
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santino,

I'd love it if you'd keep us posted on you friend. I really hope she will be ok!

January 18, 2007
9:51 am
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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I agree with the numerous others in saying that at this point..with the rapid downhill slide she is on..she is gonna have to be FORCED into getting help. I know from personal experience that when someone is going thru this..you can talk and reason with them with all the logic and concern in the world until you are blue in the face and ultimately it comes down to them. She may not even be able to stop herself at this point. So someone stepping up and taking control for her might be a relief.

My friend was only 16 years old, she passed away a few years back now. She spent the last year in her life for the most part in the hospital. While she was working on the "issues" that caused this disease..she still struggled daily with it. By the time she had in her mind decided to fight it, her body had shut down and there was no turning back. She was one of the most beautiful souls i have ever met but grew up in a very abusive household and unfortunately all that light was taken out of her in the end. It's a hard disease to understand but its never really about the food at all. I pray that someone reaches out to this girl in time. You are a good friend to seek help for her like this. God bless you both.

January 18, 2007
10:02 am
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taj64
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You must be so worried, how you are coping with this.

January 18, 2007
10:12 am
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atalose
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Santino,

I think you need to encourage your friend to seek treatment. You can encourage your ex to encourage her sister to seek help.
Addiction is addiction regardless of what it is, eating, gambling, drinking or drugs it's all the same. Denial is such a great part of addiciton for the active addicts and they just won't seek help for themselves.
Not sure what the laws are in the state in which she lives if commiting her would even work. Like an addict who's forced to seek treatment instead of chosing treatment on there it doesn't usualy work when they are forced into it.
Maybe encourage your ex to do an intervention with her friends and family, have them show there love and support for her to seek help in getting better.
I worry about you getting emotionaly invovled with your ex again and this situation which may keep you glued to her again.
Tread those waters very carefully....

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

January 18, 2007
11:23 am
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nappy
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Santino, I agree with atalose, I understand that you care about your ex sister, but I would express my concern, then I would let it go.
If your ex haven't called you and now when she feel that she might need you, now she is calling.
I also worry about you, because it has taken you up to this point to get yourself together and now the ex is back (somewhat). Don't let her get back into your head because then you might start to have hope, and get emotionally involved and then we are back to square one again.
In situation like these there is really nothing that you can do. Yes she has a problems, it also a family problems and I hope that she has enough people around her to support her in her treatment once she get help but you need to keep going on with your life

January 18, 2007
4:34 pm
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santino
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nappy, atalose:

thanks for the adices regarding my ex. Your right, I can only give advise being so far away. Although my ex's sister is a good friend, it's really out of my hands. I did and said all I could do and now I'm just gonna back off.

I just had to be there for my ex though, she would have done the same for me, I think. But like you both said, be careful. And thats what I'm doing, being very careful. I don't even have her phone number, so me making contact is out.

1 thing that worries me is I called and left a message to my ex's sister, but she has yet to respond. I think she knows I know and doesn't want to hear it from me. Theres really nothing else I can do.

January 18, 2007
6:29 pm
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taj64
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Hi Santino!!!

January 18, 2007
8:47 pm
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santino
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Hey Taj64!!! How's it goin?!

How are you? 🙂

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