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my friends treat me bad :-(
October 26, 2001
1:44 am
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Amber72
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What do you do when good friends that you've known for years suddenly start treating you really crappy? And for no reason? I have a group of co worker friends that i've known for a good 5 years. We used to party together,and go out to eat after work a lot. Then,like 7 or 8 months ago,i started to notice that they were treating me differently. I wouldn't get invited out after work with everyone else...no one said hi or bye to me when i WAS invited...when i talk,they barely acknowldge that i'm talking,or worse,they snap at me like i just said something stupid or insulting. I am VERY nice to these people,i never do anything to hurt anyone. People tell me i'm too nice,in fact. I just dont get it,i never made any of them mad,and yet they are shutting me out of the group. Even "newcomers" to our group get more attention and respect than me. The girl i am (well,was) the best friends with of all of them,she is the meanest to me. I walk by her at work and smile or say hi and she barely acknowledges that i'm there,usually she's giving her attention to someone else more important. How did i suddenly become the outcast in my own group? I've known this girl almost longer than the rest of them. I just cant figure out how i did nothing wrong but i get treated so badly. And i cant just tell them all off because we work together and I cant just quit just to get away from them,i've been there 11 years. What can i do,without avoiding all of them and having the whole place think i'm a freak because they all quit hanging out with me? And if it helps,the main girl is 30,and i am 29,some of the other people are older than me...shouldn't they be a bit more mature than this? Or are they trying to give me the hint that they dont want me to hang out with them anymore? If that is the case,why do they even invite me along at all anymore?

October 26, 2001
1:52 am
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amymarie
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I'm not sure about your particular situation, but I am 24 and recently went through the same thing. All of a sudden after 7 years of friendship, my best friend decides to go to a new school and makes new friends. Suddenly she begins to tell me how I will never become anything and she is so much better than me and I deserve all the bad things that happen to me. What the heck is with moody friends?!

October 26, 2001
12:43 pm
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Molly
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Yup, jealously, don't take it personal, its them and not you. Don't give your power away, sure it hurts, but don't let them see it. Hold your head up high, look better than ever, strut when you go through those halls, and around those desks, and I am sure Blondie, will have a tall dark, handsome man, with flowers, and a Tifaney Box in hand when the suits with sunglasses escort him to your office, as the 4 of you leave in the limo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should set that up for today, let them stew about who what and where over the weekend, ahhhhhh ya know the Concord is flying again 🙂

October 31, 2001
12:17 pm
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pg lova
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September 24, 2010
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Amber,

I went through that same thing with some friends of mine. What it is, is that true friendship is not measured by how they are to you when both people have the same. Instead it's measured by if they still treat you right when they get a little more than they had previously. It seems to me that these people are not "friends" but a**holes (and I usually won't swear God forgive me) whofeel they're better than you. Next time they do invite you out say NO! Always be busy and give them none of your time. They will quickly realize howthey've messed up.

October 31, 2001
12:54 pm
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Ladeska
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September 27, 2010
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Women can be SO brutal to each other, especially in the work place. Have hypothesized for years that one thing that happens is - in as much as men have this primal instinct to hunt, females have a primal instinct to attract males because as nature has it in the animal kingdom - it’s usually one male who has the harem of a lot of females and yes the male does do his thing to attract them - but the females have a riskier thing going on with the numbers against them.

In the human realm what I see is - women in the work place have a displaced thing of needing to find their male that they can get strokes from, mother or flirt with for whatever reason and then they attach themselves to them. Horrible thing to think that’s where so many women get their ego boosts, but I’ve seen it happen so much, it’s proven out. Not all women are like this, but a lot are, especially ones in their 40's and older and those who have been influenced by these women growing up.

So, when a young, pretty girl comes on the scene - and the women already have their surrogate husband snatched up at work - then she becomes Threat No. 1. Consequently, the man - takes care of - his little surrogate wife and when he gets promoted, so does she. She wipes the slobber off his chin every day, makes him look good or takes his abuse and he rewards her. Women might not see someone as a threat right away, but shifting might go on and all of a sudden, for whatever reason - this Threat No. 1 - might be getting ahead in some way - and out come the claws.

Sabotage starts early a lot of times. Something gets in the wind about how great the gal is at her job and how someone wants her in another dept., or to promote her, so on and so on and out come the obstacles that get thrown in the works. No. 1 obstacle - to do a number on your self esteem and it works. They give the friendship, play nice-nice, make work enjoyable and then all of a sudden - guess what? What they have given - they can withdraw.... It’s very sad to me that women get their self esteem from doing such. Cutting down another woman, just to elevate themselves. Good luck ladies who do this because - it’s all very telling about your own character and lack of true self-esteem.

Yes, we are in a different time and a lot of women don’t do this crap, but I see an awful lot who do and it’s really very sad and quite ugly. Men are much better “brothers” than women are “sisters” to each other. Unfortunately, with some people.....if you have character, if you have true beauty from the inside out and if you remind them of what they do not possess.....look out - they will rip you to shreds and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with anything that you ever did besides - show up. But, there is a way to walk that is “graceful”, that isn’t being catty back, a confidence that can stand alone, that can smile in the face of it all because their essence isn’t dependent on what anyone thinks of them or what kind of cowpie they throw at them. True beauty will continue to stand, poised and with a great presence.

I’d just hold my head up, smile and nod and realize deeply that who you are - isn’t about whether they accept you or not. And if it is - then the proof will be in the pudding when they pull the string and you fall to pieces. So, prove the power play wrong. They pull the string and you still stand, smiles and all.....in tact. I’d just be quiet, hold my head up and not even acknowledge what they are doing unless it’s blatantly in your face and then you confront with dignity. Sometimes the best maneuver is just to be the mouse who observes...quietly watches. You may learn a lot about the people you “thought” you knew as long as they were being nice to you. You’re young. You can learn things, don’t ever think - you have people all figured out. They can certainly surprise you and can be quite nasty underneath the smiles and supposed comradery. And hey, you may have been there a few years, but - you can move on and get another job, too. I just don’t buy that stuff about - you can’t go anywhere else. You can always - blow the popsicle joint, if your life is that miserable.

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