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My friend is co-dependent
November 14, 2005
4:58 pm
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clareshere
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September 27, 2010
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My best friend, who I have known for 20 years, has been in a relationship for about 14 years with about 5 different guys. Each time she gets into a relationship she disappears and becomes a mirror image of who her partner is. For example, if he likes basketball,she does too...if he likes to drink, she does too...etc etc. I also feel like the only time she needs me is when her relationships go sour and she needs to seem occupied..sort of like a manipulative move towards the fello whom she is involved with. When we were younger I use to get mad at her, as we got older I brushed it off, now we're entering our 30's and nothing has changed. I had hoped with time she would learn and get better. Instead she is getting worse and Im really worried. She's in a very destructive relationship now in that they both manipulate each other a lot and when he tries to leave her she begs for him to stay. Her mind is completely focused on her boyfriend and all she talks about is him and how bad he treats her. Yet, she does not leave him?!??! I dont get it. In the past, when I have tried to tell her what I feel and observe she becomes defensive and distances herself from me. Should I just take that risk again and tell her what I think? I need some help. Thanks!!

November 14, 2005
10:49 pm
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Giggles_29
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September 30, 2010
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Clareshere,
Hi and welcome to this site 🙂 I have just recently had this very thing happen w/ me and one of my friends from back in middle school. She did tell me how she felt and ended up judging every part of my life. Not just telling me how she felt...she went overboard. Needless to say we are no longer friends.(my choice)..she kept telling me that she hoped we could repair our friendship...but after all the things she said ... no way! I think there is a certain way you can tell her...please please just don't judge her for it. It is okay to tell her how you feel, but think about what you want to say before you say it. Words are very powerful. Also, my friend judged me and based her opinions from 5+ yrs ago. Please if this is how you feel at this moment, do tell her NOW. Don't wait. BUT, again pls don't judge her. It is sooo easy to say, just leave, but speaking from personal experience, easier said than done. She has to want to leave, she has to want better for herself. As painful as it is for you watching/hearing first hand what she is going through. It has to be her decision. I have finally had a breakthrough w/ my situation this past weekend. You can read my threads if you would like, maybe can give you some insight to her point of view. They are, "Codependency at its Best", "Enough is Enough", and "Taking a Stand". I wish you the best of luck, and please keep an update. @--]---- Giggles 🙂

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