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My first Christmas and New Years alone
December 8, 1999
8:55 pm
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cerry
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This will be the first time in my life being alone for both Christmas and New Years. My bf broke off with me and has been living with my best friends ex-husband. She had something to do with it. I have never felt this way about anyone. My mother used to tell me that you would know true love. I did . Something happened and I believe it all started out a year ago when my bf for 5 years , and roomate moved in together for financial interests. My bf and I never had anytime to have for ourselves only when the roomate went to vist his family which was occasionally.
My bf had a very bad childhood and bad relationships. He stated that he never loved his wife ever but did love only two people. One was a girl where he was born in England who broke his heart and devasted him for two years. After the two years he started dating again but did not feel right. He broke it off with her and he found out shortly afterwards that she committed suicide. My bf is a very quite guy. All he wishes in his life is love, happiness and trust. I gave him everything and I mean everything.
He stated when rumors were going around about him and another girl and I spoke with him stated that rumors can ruin relationships. He bought her a birthday gift as she was recently the drummer of his hobby band. He stated to me after I felt hurt about what said about his emotions. It tore me apart. I reacted different and was verbal. I said things that would hurt because he hurt me.
He is now gone. The house we used to live in is almost empty now. I have taken all my things out of the house except for the washing machine.
He took my necklace and states he can't find it. He comes to the house to pick up his things when I am not there. He states "he will not get involved in any relationship as he does not need anymore hurt nor will he hurt anyone else. If he could have only communicated with me.....I I haven't seen him or the roomate for a month now. I try very hard to keep myself busy fixing up the house I am living in. It looks great. I come home and can do what ever I want. I do though miss my bf and still do love him even though he has hurt me. Of all the three of us, I am the one who has less security in her job and it is only temporarily until I can find something more secure. The other two make twice as much as me. A friend of mine who I see rarely stated to me: "Does that not tell you something? You have succeed both of them. You have your own place and they are both living together to make ends meet. I have my independance. It saddens me as I still do love my bf with his problems. I have even gone for theraphy. I am recovering as well from a car accident.
Says alot doesn't it. My mother is afraid that if he sees me the way I look and how independant, successful, changed in attitude will make him think twice and might want to get back. He told me that he desensitied himself as not to feel anything and keeping himself busy with his guitar playing and band. We will see.

December 21, 1999
12:08 pm
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eve
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cerry, are you still going for a christmas and new year on your own? Best wishes from me, then. I spend last year's new years evening on my own and it wasn't frightening at all, i quite liked it. I used the time to do myself some favors (like go for a walk, then have a nice bath and then huddle up in an armchair with a good book). And I used some of the time to collect bits and pieces of that jigsaw puzzle that is my life and put them together. I prefered that to a holyday cramped with mixed expectations and missunderstandings in a relationship that was over the edge already (had that the year before and it was ghastly). Have a goood time, eve

December 23, 1999
2:43 pm
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BROC
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Cerry,

If your listening....... I remember you. Has been quite awhile since I have seen you post.

I have to admit back then I didn't hold a lot of hope for your situation. And with all the therapy and advice I have been given, it really doesn't suprise me.

You see, the common theme in ALL of these threads is basically the same....I call it Rule 1: If nothing changes, nothing changes. You can search and analize your situation to death, and you will come back to that simple truth.

You BF has issues.....a buttload. You didn't make them. They were there lonnnnnnnng before you got him. And from the start, you didn't have a chance in hell of making it with him. NO WOMAN DOES OR WILL. Why? Rule 1.

Now, about your mom. I think she is right. If he sees this independence going on, he more than likely, say 85% chance would come back. However,that, in essence, is a game. Not that your doing that intentionally (you might be, I don't know), but if he comes back BECAUSE of this and for no other reason, then the relaitonship still has little to no chance of working. I am only giving it little to no chance because he might come back, get into couseling, and be willing to work on himself to get him right. That is the only way it will ever work. With you two, with me, with anyone.

My couselor said something to me that really hits the nail on the head. My girlfriend and I are doing extremely well. We meet in group....and just hit if off. We both go to group, and individual counseling. We read our asses off, and discusss what we have learned. Every now and then old habits surface (game playing) but since we have been in recovery, and know what we know, we recognize it for what it is, point it out, and discuss it. Its really liberating. Its healthy. I never dreamed it would ever be this nice. Its serene. Its total peace.

BUT, had I not do the work I have and continue to do, OR had she not done the same, FORGET IT!

It takes two. You can't do all the work. Neither can he. Again, refer to Rule 1. If that rule is true for you, and nothing changes, well, nothing will change.

Cerry, I wish you all the best in this holiday season. I hope you get some counseling. If you don't, you will repeat your choice in a man....your codependencey. And that will hurt all over and waste more of your precious life. Learn now. Change you and your future will change for the better. I promise you!

Take care!
Broc

December 24, 1999
8:08 pm
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PatrickB
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Hi Broc...this seems to be an appropriate place for me this year. My first x-mas and new years without my beautiful wife. This was her favorite time of the year. This was when she was at her best. Doing things for others, baking cookies, buying gifts..ect...Christmas was what Cindy was all about...doing stuff to help others. Like you said before, I hope she is thinking of me as much as I am thinking of her. This has been the longest streach of us not talking or e-mailing (5 days). I know It dosen't seem like a long time but it has been a eternity for me. I have mo idea what she is doing this weekend which sort of really scares me. Is she with her male freind?? I know I should think of other things but..it is so hard. I miss her so much. Thanks for the ear. Have a great weekend.

December 27, 1999
5:48 am
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sms
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me too feeling a lone all my time do you have any thing to do with yourself.

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