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My Father-Your Father
April 10, 2001
5:39 pm
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grass
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Lately I have been seeing an area of healing that needs to take place in my life-with my father here on earth...the last counselling session I had was with my dad, completely unexpected. I'm just going to use this space to express myself. Maybe it will reach someone's heart ...

A man you have seen all your life, but never knew at all. A body filling up space-a void without a face. He gave you life and gave you a name, but to you he was just someone to blame.

The nights he came home covered in sweat, sweat that was laboured for you. He secretly wished for arms to great him, but non stretched out for the weary soldier. He fought his inner demons all day, his body drained from the endless days work. No one takes time to notice the hands that are cracked and bleeding for them. Ignorance, selfishness, hatred, bitterness, sin, block them to se the man who has given up his life so that they may live.

He never looses sight of what he is doing it for and has given it all up for. Its the love of his children. He created them in love and he will work to his death to give them all that he can; though they don't deserve it. They treat him with disrespect and look at him with unseeing eyes, they don't see the blood spilt, the bones breaking and the hurt eyes; but he does it anyway.

Until one day you look into the eyes of your father and you see his face, you see your face, you see the pain in his eyes, and you see the distance that sin has put between the tow of you. The years, minutes and seconds taht could have been used in builing a relationship built in love, instead built in sin and hate. And you see the arms that have been wating for you to embrace, you see the blood spilt from his hands, you see the sweat that dripped down from his face for you, and you see his eyes waiting to say I love you.

April 11, 2001
12:48 pm
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Molly
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That was beautifully written and very insightful. Did all work out well in the session, were you able to heal, was he?

April 11, 2001
9:47 pm
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grass
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Yes, we've healed to a degree..it's something one has to continue working on..One session does not cure everything. When I finish all of my exams and papers we are going to go on a "date" and have a get-to-know each other time. This is what life, counselling and relationhips are about...I wish everyone can find healing, sometimes it takes one to make the first move, whether they want to or not. Sometimes things won't change until you make them...

April 11, 2001
9:49 pm
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grass
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Yes, we've healed to a degree..it's something one has to continue working on..One session does not cure everything. When I finish all of my exams and papers we are going to go on a "date" and have a get-to-know each other time. This is what life, counselling and relationhips are about...I wish everyone can find healing, sometimes it takes one to make the first move, whether they want to or not. Sometimes things won't change until you make them...

April 12, 2001
1:38 pm
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Molly
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Good for you!!!

April 13, 2001
3:51 pm
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grass, u said the children disrespect the father and they dont deserve his good treatment. well i dont agree.
it must be the fathers fault, not the childs.
its the parent who loves first, not the child.
what is the use of making children and working hard for them and in the end the children dont love the father.
theres something definitely wrong with the father. hes to blame, not the children!

April 13, 2001
4:54 pm
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grass
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guest_guest,
the statement: "what is the use of making children and working hard for them and in the end the children dont love the father" true...never thought of it that way. umm I'm not quite sure how to respond to it. Yes, I agree...however in my situation I beleive that my father did love me and my sisters and that he just did not know how to express it... he had an anger and control problem and it got in the way (even hurt us at times)

I agree that his anger and other stuff is what caused us to treat him disrespectfully, but I have been out of the house for some time and I realized that we focuse way too much energies on what my father did wrongly and never looked at how he expressed his love through his work..that was often painful...
I just realized that there was good in my father and a beautiful loyalty to his family. I realized that nothing would change about the disrespect (on his side or mine) unless I did something about it.

I guess that I got tired of the pain that I see festering in each member of my family, the critical attitudes we carry. I saw that unless I opened us up to a new outlook a new attitude about each other we would continue in the same manner, a new attitude that focuses on the good in each person, that looks beyond what my dad did to why...I think that love was never expressed to my dad (you know the whole generational thing) and that he will not be able to correctly display it towards his children until someone shows him how...I want to be the one to show him..I know that there is still a ways to go (sigh), but he is open to learning

April 13, 2001
5:38 pm
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eve
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April 13, 2001
5:49 pm
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eve
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grass, I think you're doing great. I guess that is one of the most heroic things to do: offer love and understanding where there was contempt and conflict before.
I wish you the best for the process. Your first post about your father touched me deeply, you surely have your way whith words!

April 13, 2001
6:50 pm
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grass, best wished from me too. i hope u become happy with ur father!

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