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My Ex Is Freaking Me Out
September 12, 2005
4:21 pm
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SassyAlex
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I woke up today to urgent calls and text messages from my ex. He didn't say at all or even hint to what he was talking about, he just said it was very important and urgent and he had to talk to me.

Now, I've been really good about No Contact, so part of me didn't want to respond at all. After all he didn't say Emergency. But the urgent thing freaked me out because he's never labeled any messages in the entire time I've known him as urgent.

However, we work at the same company, and I freaked out thinking something was up with work. So I texted back, didn't call. I just said "What's up". And he hasn't responded for hours.

Now I know since he hasn't responded it can't be too much of an emergency, and now I'm wondering if it just wasn't a ploy to jerk me around. I guess time will tell, but I have to admit that all day I've been anxious to know what's going on.

I'm not going to call him, but I just needed to post here so maybe I can be more calm about this. If nothing is wrong, and he was just trying to get me to contact him, that is so bad. Crying wolf is not funny. He has been doing some goofy things since I cut off contact.

September 12, 2005
4:28 pm
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taj64
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Pay close attention to your behavior as a result of his text message. It is not good to get anxious from a phone calls or message when you have no idea why he is calling. Go about doing what you have been doing all this time since no contact. This is his problem, not yours. It might be false hope in your heart.

September 12, 2005
4:31 pm
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SassyAlex
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Well, taj64, I don't really have hope because I am the one who broke it off with him, so I'm not hoping to get back with him at all. I guess I'm just freaked out that it might be something related to work. Anything else just isn't my problem any more. And, yeah, his messages made me anxious, but I have no idea what is going on. I'm trying to just go about my day.

September 12, 2005
4:35 pm
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Shaney
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Hi Sassy,

I don't think that there is anything wrong with responding to a call like that, if you think it may be a legitimate emergency. The only bad thing about it, is that you're sucked into the waiting game - waiting for him to reply. I hope there is nothing really wrong, as much as I am hoping that he's not just jerking you around. If you find that his call is just an attempt at playing with your feelings, then that right there is your confirmation that no contact was the right decision to make. If he does return the call, and it IS a false alarm, acting crazy and confrontational is probably the response he wants, if he's toying with you. Be very calm - don't make it a big deal - just calmly say, "You're pathetic, don't contact me again." ...then hang up. Let us know - stay strong.

September 12, 2005
4:41 pm
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SassyAlex
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Shaney, you're right, I too am hoping nothing is wrong, although it will be just another pathetic attempt to get me to speak with him. If that's the case, it will make me even more sure that my decision was the correct one. And you are also right that I should not freak out, and I will remain calm and not give him the reaction he seeks. I just really hope it's not work related, I hate having problems at my job.

September 12, 2005
4:52 pm
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Shaney
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I'm also thinking that if his emergency was THAT urgent, he would have left the details on your message machine. My guess, it's probably not. Don't worry - it digs at you, I know, but try and relax. An emergency for him, doesn't necessarily constitute an emergency for you. 🙂

September 13, 2005
3:31 pm
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SassyAlex
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So here's an update from yesterday. He made me wait alllllll day before he contacted me. I did not call him. At 9:30 pm he sends me another text message: "How long has it been since you've been tested?"

Soooo, first we have the urgent messages of "I have to talk to you" in the morning, then we have the entire day of nothing, now we have this stupid message.

Luckily I was on the phone with my best friend, and she was like, he's just trying to freak you out. Which of course kind of worked. I knew in my heart that if he had gotten tested and had bad news, he would have just told me to begin with. But no, he was using this as a power play, what an *ss. Once again, I didn't give in. Didn't respond. So an hour later he calls and says that he got tested and the results were fine. So he had no reason to freak me out all day, he just said that they were asking scary questions and it got him thinking and it freaked him out.

But you know what? This is just one more attempt at reaching me in a long line of pathetic crazy attempts. I'll have to fill you guys in later on some other ones. They are almost funny, if I wasn't so close to them.

September 13, 2005
4:37 pm
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Shaney
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Those things WILL become funny once there is time between you and you can look back and wholeheartedly feel, "WHAT WAS I THINKING!?" I laugh at all of the lame stuff that has happened to me in crappy relationships.

You ex was being lame, and you knew it - glad you didn't cave in to his pathetic attempts as shaking you up. Good for you 🙂

September 13, 2005
5:10 pm
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LovesPurple2760
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Congratulations Sassy! It's called, if you don't dance the dance, the dance will stop since they don't have a partner! (At least they'll have to move on and get you out of their craziness!)

September 15, 2005
3:08 pm
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SassyAlex
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Latest update: so the day after that attempt to freak me out, he sent me a sweet message saying it would have been our anniversary that day, with a picture of us when we were happy and a song I like in the background. It said how much he missed me, blah blah. So, once again, I didn't respond. Then today, I wake up to a psycho message of him saying he hates me and fuck me and he knows I have some "folio" (can someone please tell me what the heck a folio is) on a porn website. Which is totally untrue, and I don't even know where he got that from. He knows I dislike porn. He's either losing his mind or making that up or both.

I have been so good the last few weeks with not giving him any reaction to his craziness, trying to save my energy for myself, not waste it on him, no revenge...you know, all of the good stuff we talk about on here. But he's doesn't seem to be slowing down...if anything he's getting more warped. In the beginning it was flowers and sweetness, now it's psycho. I think it's just that he realizes he has absolutely no power any more because I'm giving him nothing, and he's flipping out because he can't handle it.

In any event, I hope it ends soon. Thank you all for reading and giving advice, it helps to just be able to vent to you guys on here and know you understand. 🙂

September 15, 2005
3:20 pm
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gayle
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Sassy- I think you are right- He is realizing that he has no power over you and he is freaking out! Good for you for not giving in!

September 15, 2005
3:59 pm
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Shaney
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He'll burn himself out eventually - this insanity won't last forever.

Your strength is really sending him into a tailspin! Wow! He's pulling out all the stops because he doesn't know how to react to your lack of interest, or absence of interest, for that matter. Porn site! He's really grasping at anything to get your attention, isn't he? Ridiculous.

Good job, and GREAT example for the rest of us.

September 19, 2005
1:52 am
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SassyAlex
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So it's been a lot of back and forth. For him at least, not for me. Like I said, I have his emails and instant messenger blocked, but he can still reach me on my cell. The messages go from nice to nasty. One said "I hate you and fuck you," then the next one (from last night) said he was going to the emergency room, and he wished he had my support. Now, I could have been a little worried, except he had cried wolf with that STD message, so truthfully, I wasn't too concerned. I mean if he had been in a serious accident or something and was going to the emergency room, I suppose he couldn't have crafted a perfect text message about it.

I guess I just don't understand his tactics of desperation. If he really wanted me back, I would think he would leave me alone like I've asked, maybe sending sweet messages here and there, but his messages have been of urgent nature, the last one I have to unfortunately question as maybe even being false. I'm not sure how he thinks he will get me back by crying wolf, but it must make sense somewhere within his mind. I guess it's not for me to figure out.

I still haven't responded. Don't plan on it either. You all give such good advice and support, thanks Shaney, and as LovesPurple2760 said, he can't dance the dance without a partner.

I am guessing he is running out of ideas, at least I hope so, and soon this will end.

September 19, 2005
2:17 pm
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Shaney
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He's going through withdrawls from the relationship like any other person. Sad one minute, pissed the next - trying anything and everything to get your attention. It's lame, but as long as you don't respond, he'll eventually get the message and cut it out. If you give him any sort of response or reaction, no matter how small, it will feul his fire and you're right back at square one. My step dad used to say to me that guys just don't get it when you say you don't want to see or talk to them anymore. It takes being totally ignored, hanging up on them without a word everytime that they call, or a sharp-shooter, to get them to stop. They'll eventually get it if you're consistent.

You are REALLY doing a great job with this no contact thing - I'm really impressed... REALLY.

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