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my ex-husband just assaulted me
July 23, 2007
1:23 am
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Desert Moon
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Horsefly, sininho, and Sad sack,

Thank you all so much for your feedback and support. You have all have helped me get through the last 36 hours. Yes, my mind is quieter, although I am still in somewhat in a state of disbelief, but have had time to absorb what happened. I've had support here in the real world too. I've talked to all my kids, my mom, and friends. I probably sound like a broken record, but remember, when this happened during my marraige, I never told ANYBODY. EVER. I protected him!! I'm not going to do that anymore. this is not ok. I will press charges. so the next few weeks will prove interesting, or however much time this takes to filter through the legal system.

It was strange, though, I am so aware of how my mind wants to fall into the old patterns. My mind was saying to me this evening, "It happened, everything's cool now, you dont have to do anything- he's gone, it's done and over with. That is EXACTLY the thinking that allowed me to stay married to him for so long. Plus he would always be soooo sorry afterwards, saying "I have a problem and I'm working on it."

Well, my mind may be telling me that but I am not listening. I will press charges, because, that is what I would have done if any stranger had violated me in that way. Why should it be any different with my exh? He is a BULLY. Yes, I do get scared of making him more angry, but I can't continue to live in fear, I have to live my life and stand up for myself.

Ok, I think I have vented enough for the last couple of days. I hope most of the drama is over and done with for now. I need to get on with my life.

Have a great evening all

DM

July 23, 2007
8:55 am
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sad sack
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Dear Desert Moon,

Just wanted to wish you a good morning. I know the last few days have been so very stressful but it does seem that you are handling things very well.

I understand about the "secrecy" involving past abuse. That is so very common. But fortunately, you have grown since then and you are at a much healthier place.

The best case scenario is that your exh will get much needed help (even though I know you said he had been in therapy). His violent rages have isolated him from all those around him. How sad. He is coming across as a pathetic individual.

Well, please have a better day.

Take care Desert Moon and know you are in our thoughts and prayers.

sad

July 23, 2007
9:57 am
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atalose
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Desert Moon,

I am sorry that I wasn’t fully aware of your situation. Like you said there are so many stories on here with so many different people I sometimes can’t keep up.

I trust that you do have the strength to break old patterns and see this through so he does get what the legal system deals him.

I am so glad you now have support and have come such a long way from keeping his problem a secret.

I think that is something many of us have done in the past with our abusers. My ex-husband was emotionally and verbally abusive, my role was to minimize it, make excuses for his behavior and cover it up as best I could. When I look back now, it was more to protect myself then it was to protect him. I felt embarrassed he talked to me the way he did and making excuses I think some how minimized the pain for me. I also attempted to make excuses to my kids for their fathers behavior trying to keep there little world in tact.

By the time I was strong enough to leave and turned to my family and close friends for support, they were standing there with open arms waiting. They had seen for too long what I was trying to cover up and minimize, so really I was only fooling myself. Boy am I glad those days are over!!!!

Better days are coming so keep strong and know you have allot of support here.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 24, 2007
12:13 am
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rachaelhale
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Just remember to not repeat the past. Me and my two children could have been easily killed if we came home when my fiance killed himeself. I was saved for just a momment and my children were coming
home from school shortley. Things happen for a reason, You need to get away or contact me.

July 24, 2007
10:15 am
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Desert Moon
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Good Morning all

rachaelhale - I am so sorry to read about your devistating loss. I hope your children were spared from walking in on anything, sounds like you got there in time to keep that from happenning, still, it's so awful.

I will not repeat the past. I have already been divorced, which means I finally got the nerve to leave. I was just so taken by suprise at this latest event because I honestly thought he wouldn't dare do this to me knowing the consequenses he faced if he did this. He knows he will not get away from it, and the court will handle things this time. He will not bully me any more. My exh does not make a habit of calling or emailing me these days unless it is to tell me that he is coming in to town to pick up his daughter. He doesn't call me to 'chit chat' so to speak. And he has not called or emailed me since the incident either. I do not know what is going through his head right now, but if history is repeating himself he is probably feeling remorseful, that has been the pattern in the past.

Sad, I am doing much better, I hope you are the same and that things are peaceful in your life these days. thanks for being such a good friend.

Like I mentioned I have told quite a few people about all this, but basically I have it out of my system now, and taking about it any more is simply regurgitation and kind of pointless. So I will move on. I do not think this is not over yet as far as taking him to court goes, so I will keep you posted on what happens.

I did call his attorney and filled him in on what happened, because I had some concerns about some monetary issues we had been working out before all this transpired. He of course was sorry, but assured me that if my exh failed to do his part on anything we worked out that was approved by the court then he would be held in contempt.

I decided against the restraining order at this time, as he is not around and has not sent me anything nor called me at all. (I have not sent him any emails either, that would only incite him). That will change if I see him at my place or if he sends me anything even remotely threatening.

atalose, I hope everything is going well for you too. You certainly have your own issues to deal with, and just know I have been thinking about you as well, and again, thank you for thinking about me.

Have a great day

DM

July 24, 2007
7:06 pm
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sad sack
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HI Desert Moon,

I understand your desire not to continually talk about the incident. I certainly will respect your wishes. I am glad that things seem to have quieted down some and it certainly seems as if you have things under control.

So just know, if ever you again feel the need to vent, we are here to listen and support/encourage you.

I will post later on my thread.

Have a good evening.

Sad

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