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My ex called today but why?
March 21, 2005
12:38 am
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Lacyone
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My ex called today. I haven't spoken to him in about 4 weeks. I didn't know what to say. There was some small talk but that was all.

I had told myself if he called I would tell him I was busy but I didn't do that. I don't want to get back into the same old routine. It has taken me these four weeks just to get stable.

Help

March 21, 2005
1:34 am
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mamacinnamon
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Hi, glad to see you here.

Don't beat yourself up over a slip. We all slipup once in awhile. Now, pick yourself up and go back to the original plan of not talking w/ him. Keep your chin up and next time you'll be prepared. Maybe put a little note by the phone..... "DON"T TALK TO *****"

March 21, 2005
2:54 am
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bonita1
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lacyone,

Is there any possibility of you changing your phone number to an unlisted number?
I had this same situation with my STBX and no matter how many times he promised not to call again or how many times I asked him to stop, he always called.

Then somebody told me of course he wouldn't stop calling because I was his safety net, his plan B. Now, I am so glad that I changed my numbers (home, cell), because now I am sure that when the phone rings, it won't be him!! 😉

Bonita

March 21, 2005
10:09 am
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Lacyone
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Thanks for the suggestions. The changing of my phone numbers would be a good idea. On my cell phone I have a special ring tone for him so I don't pick up.

I know I am Plan B and I deserve more than that. I want someday to be someone's Plan A.

March 21, 2005
10:12 am
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readyforachange
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You deserve to be PLAN A....don't settle for less.

Don't beat yourself up over picking up the phone....as long as you didn't let him suck you into a drawn out, emotional scene.

You'll learn from this and be stronger next time...good luck! Might want to check out the NO CONTACT thread....

March 21, 2005
10:13 am
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angel4U
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RE: "I know I am Plan B and I deserve more than that. I want someday to be someone's Plan A."

Good for you, Lacey! You are an inspiration to all! When we "finally" realize and accept what they are all about and believe we deserve more, it does get easier to stay away over time (speaking from experience). Hang in there! You are doing great!

March 21, 2005
10:35 am
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chickyfighter
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What does plan B mean? I guess him calling Sat. was not that he cares, or misses me like he said, it is b/c I am plan B? but what is it?

March 21, 2005
10:41 am
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Lacyone
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Plan B is when there is no other person to call, I'll call _____. That is Plan B. Maybe they are lonely but you are not the first one on the list.

Lacyone

March 21, 2005
10:44 am
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angel4U
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Plan B is when your are not a priority to them. Plan A is when you are. They may say they care and say they miss you (and they may really mean it), but actions speak louder than words.

March 21, 2005
10:52 am
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readyforachange
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And this PLAN B thing applied to more than just phone calls..

if my buddies don't want to go out drinking, then I'll take her out to dinner

if there's nothing good on TV, then we'll have sex

if I don't feel like sleeping, then I'll go to my son's soccer game....

it's a priority thing, and then when they DO choose you, you are supposed to feel thankful and do something to repay the FAVOR they have done you by choosing you first. It is a sham, and we all deserve more than this. It is not a normal, healthy relationship.....

March 21, 2005
11:25 am
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chickyfighter
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I get it, the times I did love when I was not the love avoidant but the love addict I was definitely plan B I hate that! I refuse to be 2nd best, I guess I had to keep that in mind, when he suggested yesterday that we had such a great initmate thing going, he has no clue what intimate is, he cannot be intimate w/me when he is giving himself to others, I know we are sick both afraid of intimacy but I am trying to be healthy I am willing to let fear go and try to be intimate but he is not ready, I just need to forget him eh?
I wish he had not called and given me hope Sat.

March 21, 2005
12:12 pm
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peacesoul
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My recent ex dumped me twice (this last time 2 months ago) and the first time he dumped me, he only emailed me 3 months later looking to get back toegther. This time he has not even tried to contact me, nor will he ever.

I am thinking he finally realized that he was slowly killing me and maybe found it some where in his shallow heart to leave me alone for good so I can find happiness.

Him not contacting me has made this healing so much smoother.

Tell you ex to take a hike and let you heal.

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