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My daughter going to long term residential care 16
October 27, 2008
8:11 am
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hopeful for change
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I am having huge guilt although I know I shouldnt. I do. I dont. I am confused, I am hurt. I am devastated. I am everything in one.

In the last year she has been in the hospital short term for like a week up to ten days four times three times for self mutiliation or cutting and this last time for attempted suicide.

THe suicide attempt was her taking three bottles of medicide and nto telling anyone I was clueless. I am lucky she is alive. She wrote sucide letters. She says she meant it. By the time I found out she would have been dead it was the next day. It just didnt killher.

The hospital had to send her home because the insurance would not pay her any longer although every single doctor was fighting it and every other person.

I had to go to all these meetings with child service juvenile and doctors and you name it. She finally got approved for residential treatment but the problem is she has been home for a week thinking she is in the clear. It has been killing me.

I have had to hide everything in the house, watch her like a hawk, make her sleep with me. Scared to death if she is going to try it again I mean ofcourse she wouldnt tell anyone.

They have been waiting for an opening in this facility in this facility wihich should be tomorrow and I am so feeling like crap.

This system is total crap they should have taken her directly..everyone says that.

Now she will hate me to but I have to protect her from herself.

I feel so horrible, sad...confused...hurt. I have been trying everything to help her.

They are now diagnosing her from bipolar to borderline traits and she just hasnt taken any of the help they have given her. SHe has even had an inhome caseworker three days a week a counselor a pshyciatrist and nothing tets to her.

I feel so horrible for sending her away.

October 27, 2008
8:45 am
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soofoo
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You are doing the right thing. Your daughter needs this.

My heart goes out to you. This must be very, very painful.

But remember that you did not deceive her, betray her or trick her, you did what you had to do to keep her safe. You did your job. My thoughts are with you and for your daughter to have a full recovery.

October 27, 2008
9:36 am
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lollipop3
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((((Hopeful)))),

Always remember you are not doing this TO her...you are doing it FOR her.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

Love,
Lolli

October 27, 2008
10:00 am
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atalose
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((((hopeful)))

My thoughts of strength and courage are with you. Your act of love may feel confusing, we never feel right when we have to act on such a high guard for another persons life.

I agree with you on the system, something is so wrong, she should have been allowed directly into the facility rather then allowed home. But I think once she is at the facility and they get her on a regular routine of meds, counseling her outlook on life hopefully will change. With bi-polar it’s the right combination of medication that can make all the difference.

Try and look at it as, you are not sending her away, you are sending her for help out of love.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 27, 2008
7:15 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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((hopeful)) only the best parents are capable of handing out 'tough love" when it is needed. You are a good example to everyone.

October 27, 2008
8:58 pm
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hopeful for change
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thanks for the support and it is tough. The tough part is that the system is so screwed up that they sent her home and now I am in this waiting game and still will be sending her. It puts me on an emotional rollercoster and gives me moments of self doubt, denial, sadness and insantiy. I lover her more than words can say. Obviously no one wants to send there child away. However I have tried every other resources and she keeps upping the anty even today her caseworker comes over and she just goes to sleep and refuses to participate.

This is not acceptable but makes me see that nothing is going to change and reinforces that i am right in my choice. She always goes a short while before she does some major outbreak again and I dont know if the next time she will survive it.

I hoepfully will hear something tomorrow I cant stand it all. I am afraid to sleep. Never know when she is going to snap and go back to wahtever it is that makes her mutilate or suicidal and you never even know that she did it. Make her mad or sad or whatever.

I am just trying to wait patiently and hope that I keep my wits about me and Know tat I am doing whats best.

hopeful

October 28, 2008
2:11 am
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Shep
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My arms are around you Hopeful and your daughter. Keep your head up for this help, I feel it is the right thing too. You need some help too, so don't neglect yourself. I hear you calling out that if she doesn't make it you may not either. Lets pick you both up right now and get you through this.

Hugs and hugs and hugs!

(((((((Hopeful)))))))))

Shep

October 29, 2008
8:30 pm
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hopeful for change
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Thank you and I am trying to actively keep take care of myself. I do go to a group conseling I did learn a few things in the last few months and I will have there to go everyday to help me through this whole process. One of my children just went to college and now this. Its so hard.

Tomorrow is the day, and I know its the right thing. It will hurt but I cant think of that now. Just get through getting her there safely then I can let go I guess. But for now I have to be strong and its been hard, on my own family wise.

Its going to be hard on me and her. I just pray this is what the answer is and it helps save her life from the destructive path she has been on.

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