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my darn heart
October 13, 2004
4:03 pm
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starryslp
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Ok..I really need some support....my heart is about to overtake my head and force me to call my ex. I have been sitting here trying to talk myself out of it, but I can feel myself getting ready to call.

OH, my heart hurts today.

October 13, 2004
4:07 pm
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CAMER
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STARRY (((((HUGS TO YOU)))) BUT do not do it!!! what will you gain???
you will get such better support, and
healthy support here!!!! Please keep venting and maybe tell me why you want to call him?? and what will you gain from it???
Camer

October 13, 2004
4:10 pm
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starryslp
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I want to call because I want to just talk to him and I guess really I want what I know won't happen. I want him to say he misses me....but he doesn't so why would he say it.

He doesn't want to talk to me...but my codependant self wants to force him too....I just am missing him today...seems like everything reminds me of him...and if the radio plays
American Soldier one more time, I may throw this radio out the window.

October 13, 2004
4:13 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Your darn heart ... do a favor for your darn heart. Let it heal. Keep it away from him.

Here's diff country lyrics to replace that song ...

"I've found peace of mind, i'm feeling good again
I'm on the other side, back among the living
Ain't a cloud in the sky
All my tears have been cried
And i can finally say

[Chorus:]
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

I still love you and i will forever
We can't hide the truth
We know each other better
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
It ain't supposed to be that way

[Chorus:]
Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
Love ain't supposed to be that way

[Chorus:]
So baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In ooh in God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone"

October 13, 2004
4:14 pm
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CAMER
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throw that radio out the window if need be, just don't call him. Honey, you know he is not going to tell you what you want to hear...and you cannot make "things" happen between you two. Just understand that you tried in the relationship and things just did not work out. YOu will find a new love someday, you can be strong and just not call, do this for you and know you are worthy. And Starry know that you are NOT alone, you are not, we are here to support you. I have been there and done that, thru soooo many "bad boy" relations. I am a much stronger person today.

Please keep posting.

October 13, 2004
4:16 pm
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starryslp
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sfb- Jimmy wayne right?

I also think Julie Roberts " Break down here" and Keith Urban " You'll think of me" seem to help.

October 13, 2004
4:21 pm
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sixfootblonde
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starryslp -- yes.

A girl needs these in her arsenal. The kind of songs that are good to have running thru your head, reaffirming what you know.

October 13, 2004
5:36 pm
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starryslp
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This might be like asking " why is the sky blue"

But does anyone have an idea why your head and your heart can feel 2 completely different things.

My head knows that It is time to move on...knows that i will just be humiliating myself if i continue to let myself be rejected by him..but my heart hurts so much...it is making physically sick how much it hurts today...I just don't understand...

I know it is time I need...but what to do in the mean time?

October 13, 2004
6:32 pm
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sdesigns
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Starry: You know you're going to feel worse after you talk to him so why do it? Why set yourself up like that? You can't blame him for that- only yourself because you made the call.

Get out of the house, get away from that phone. Do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to take your mind off of him. He is taking up way too much space in your head. Go to the mall, a park, a movie, anything. Just don't sit there and think about him. He's not sitting around waiting for your call- don't give him the power that you are. Take the power back for yourself. SD

October 13, 2004
9:32 pm
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art angel
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Starry,
I know right now my heart and my head are always disagreeing. It used to never be this way, my heart would guide my life. But now I have to think about what I need, and not just let my heart care for someone when he obviously wants to forget that I ever existed. I hate him. He is so cruel. Try to think those thoughts when you want to call. I know that we are forgiving by nature, but try to put yourself in his place, would you do what he did? To anyone? I would never do what my ex did to me. And that makes me extremely sad and depressed, that I thought I knew him, but it helps in making me stronger and not calling him.

October 13, 2004
10:11 pm
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Anonymous
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starryslp hi sweetie. I had told you on another thread yesterday I would write you and well went to get on-line and had no internet. Got it cleared up sorry had no way to get on-line last night.

I do want to say you said in your other post you don't feel like he cares for you. You have also said it here. I know what it feels like to love more than the other loves back. Something I do know is if you continue to keep in touch with him and allow his negative messages into your mind and heart you will struggle so much more with loving yourself and your self-esteem. It is when and ONLY when you step back away from him will you begin to heal. No it isn't easy. YOu are doing the right thing by coming here and venting it also occupies your free time. Maybe you can make a list of all the things you don't like about him including all the feelings you have when you are in a relationship with him.

As far as your head and heart not being the same. I asked that same question to my counselor I just couldn't figure out why they almost never are the same. She said that is normal. That is why we all struggle and where the eternal struggle comes from. God created each of us with a longing to have a mate. That is a natural inborn quality we all posses. He did not intend for us to be with others that don't treat with love and respect.

Gosh I know how hard this is. Have you tried affirmations or reading some coda books? What about coda meetings where you live that would be a wonderful sorce of support.

(((((((HUGS)))))))) and prayers

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