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my choice is either him or HIM
April 14, 2007
9:19 pm
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myjerryknot
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My boyfriend,who sometimes treats me lousy has put me into an uncomprimising situation. I have a ten year old son who has had some traumatic things happen to him in the past couple years, so he is acting out and angry. My boyfriend wants nothing to do with him what so ever. He will not come around when my son is over (and also when my 18 yrs old daughter is too)He says really nasty things about him and at one point said that if he had to deal with him around our two year old daughter that he would kill him and end up in prison. I am so sad and lonely. He is really my only link to the outside world. I have no friends and I dont work. I stay home with my 2yr old and I just don't know what to do. If I break up with my boyfriend I will be sooooo alone I won't be able to handle it. I have tried.
please someone help me!

April 14, 2007
9:34 pm
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sad sack
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HI myjerryknot,

Why would you want to be with someone who:

1) treats you lousy?
2) has threatened to kill your son?
3) wants nothing to do with either of your children?

My advice:

Get rid of this guy. Become independent by getting yourself a job. Once in a job, you will meet people and hopefully make friends. You need to establish a support system so this guy is no longer your link to the outside world. You WILL be able to handle being alone. You deserve better than this guy. He has to go!!!

SOrry I am so harsh. Your thread really disturbed me. I have to wonder why you do not feel that you deserve better. Please get some sort of counseling or join a support group. You need to understand why you have chosen to put up with such a toxic situation. If not for you, then for your children. Please.

Sad Sack

April 14, 2007
9:45 pm
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thedogsmom
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September 30, 2010
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you know the answer to this yourself- I'm sure of it. It is just difficult for you to let go of this man who treats you lousy and to think of being alone again and lonely. It is always hard to break up- especially if you have no friends or contact with the outside world- but you can and MUST do it for your own health and sanity. IF not for the sake of your children.

you have two choices.
1) choose your son- who is your child and a child who has had some traumatic things happen to him.
You will NOT go wrong in choosing your son. You will feel like a good strong mother who puts the needs of her children first. You may be lonely and you may be alone for some time-- but IF you truly want a boyfriend there are many men out there who will treat you and your family with respect- IF only you are willing to wait for it.

2) you can keep this man who treats you lousy, doesn't like your son and even threatens him-- in your life for more abuse and heartache. You will have heartache and always be torn between the choices you will have to make -- this man who doesn't seem to want or be able to understand that 10 year olds act out sometimes when they have been traumatized. Do you want more of the same? You said yourself that you have tried to break up with him. That is because he is not treating you or your family with kindness and respect. I take it that he is the father of your two year old. Too bad that this man threatens to kill 10 year olds. That says much about what kind of 'father' he can be to the two year old- who also may have troubles in her life.
You are unhappy now and if you choose the man in your life you can only expect more of the same unhappiness.

hugs to you and in making the right choice.
TDM

April 15, 2007
8:40 pm
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fantas
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Your boyfriend is not even, almost a close second to your children. Consider attending CoDA. All the best.

April 16, 2007
8:21 am
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wannabe
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I agree with the rest, that man is no good to you.

the pain of loosing him (which wont last forever) is much less compared to the pain of loosing your own son and living a miserable life!

April 16, 2007
11:07 am
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nappy
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I had to read this one over and over again. I couldn't believe what I was reading.
A man over your childrens????????????
That does not even sound right to me.

You Wrote:
"My boyfriend,who sometimes treats me lousy has put me into an uncompromising situation."

What situation has your boyfriend put you through. Trying to make a decision about choosing him or your son. Trying to make you to decide that you need him and only him and not your childrens. Your boyfriend wanting all the attention from you and he knowing that if he keeps on, that you will find away to give up your kids completely physical and emotional so that he can have you.

That don't make sense to me and myjerryknot that shouldn't make any sense to you either. Why are you womens putting these mens first in your life. What are you afraid of if you let this person go? This man is speaking harm about your son and the killing part about this situation is that you hear him and you are not even listening to what he is saying.

I'm sorry for speaking like this but this should not even be a choice of who you should choose.

You Wrote:
"He is really my only link to the outside world."

If you are talking about that boyfriend being the only link in this world. I haven't seen him. There are billions and billions of people out there in this world. And if you want to work, you will find a way to work to be among people and not just your boyfriend.

We all have times in our lives that we want to feel sorry for ourselves and I give you that but please don't be stuckt here to long. Take the time to look inside yourself and see the person that you were meant to be. This boyfriend of yours is not the link of this world, it is god and he is the ONLY man that as a link to this world and has a link to YOU. He made you, not the boyfriend. And god had you to create the most special people in your life and that is your childrens.
Nappy!

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