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my boyfriends a sex addict
March 18, 2006
7:06 pm
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Lady Orange
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September 30, 2010
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I've been seeing a man for the last year who was up front about being a sex addict. He was working his 12 step program when we met and a few months into the relationship, he stopped working his program. He did well for a while,and I was hopeful about the relationship until there was a death in his family. This event triggered behaviors and uncovered some of his behaviors that I had been in denial of. I am realizing that I am Co-dependent. I am at a place where I need to decide if I want to stay and work on my co-dependency while he works on his sex addiction and if I have the strength and spiritual fortitude to surrender and do this. I love him and I know he loves me. While I have been asking for direction from my higher power on the right time to leave or to surrender and stay, two events have occured. One was that he ran into a woman friend of his who watches his child for him who has been professing her undying love for him for months. He says he has told her time and time again that he is not interested, they are just friends. When he saw her, she didn't see me and did not realize we were together. He has never introduced us and says that he thinks that she finally gets it that they will never be more than just friends. He wants to continue to have her in his life as a friend and is beholden to her for the child care that she provides that is outside of the normal M_F standard child care. The second issue is that he will occasionally check my cell phone to see who I have been calling. He does it infront of me as to display that he is not "hiding that he is looking" So, I looked at his cell phone and discovered that as recent as this week he met with a women who text messaged him back and said "It was great seeing you last night. Why am I so physically attracted to you when I am in love with my boyfriend?" Great...And so if I stay I have to detach in love and work my issues. Or I can completely walk away, or I can delay making my decision.
We have an understanding and love for one another that I have never experienced with another. While we both have intimacy issue, we have also been able to lovingly work through some of them. I'm just confused as I hear my own circular arguments....

March 18, 2006
7:37 pm
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caliseth
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HI LADY ORANGE
there are times when we don't know that we are doing wrong, and we can make mistakes as everyone without feeling guilty of it. but when you know you have a problem, and you still don't do nothing, you are having a poor self steeme. if you now discover your co- dependency, start working on yourself, and then you can support your partner!
if you love this guy and he loves you too, he will accept to go back to his recovery group.talk with him about how this will make your relation better.
now, if he has something serious with you, he has to introduce you to all his friends. this way, if a woman follows him, she will know it is not going to be.
about the phone messages and calls,remember that to have a really good realtionship is to be able to trust someone and that someone trust you. you seem to have a good thing, and need just a little bit more of support from one another, this can be possible because you know that there is love.don't feel so bad, and try to talk more and be patient.
i am sure you know what to do.
have a nice day, caliseth

March 18, 2006
8:27 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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Hi LO,

my ex is a sex addict and displayed the exact same behaviors. I would be wary. Especially since you can see you are arguing a circular arguement. Personally, I think it is very controlling to search through your cell phone like that. Do you really want to be with someone that you feel the need to look in his cell phone? Especially when you find something as that text message. Try looking again...and there will always be something until he learns how to cover his tracks better. Have you checked to see if there are any S-Anon meetings around your area?

I don't know hon, I hope you listen to your intuiton....I think you know the truth already. There is no reasoning in love....

March 18, 2006
8:30 pm
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Anonymous
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I also wanted to add that maybe it would be good for you to read about sex addiction. It is very powerful....and it has nothing to do with love.

Take care

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