Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
My birthday sucked...like it does every year. I really had hoped this one would be different.
January 1, 2006
8:10 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I had such wonderful plans. And even though it was nobody's fault (my husband got a really nasty stomache bug) I am still irritated.

Why do I even have expectations.

It sucks to have your birthday on New Year's Eve. Everyone already has plans... I am not into big parties, and you can't go anywhere decent without a reservation.

Oh, my plans were great: a Bed and Breakfast, a nice dinner out, and what I asked for over the top. I asked for a massage and 8 hours of uninterupted sleep. Well, we had our dinner, and then BAM he's majorly sick. I haven't had a full night's sleep in I don't know how long. At least two years, and I mean that literally. I didn't think it was too much to ask and my husband is so sorry he got sick.

What really sucks is the fact that I can't be mad at anyone and I don't feel like I have the right to be disappointed and negative like I am. I know, it's not my usual approach, but damn, one more shattered hope. I know it's not that big of a deal and I have so much to be thankful for--there are so many people out there that would love to have my problems.

I am having a hard time with the fact that I have a right to my feelings. I just feel that they are trivial, and that makes me feel even worse. It's not that big of a deal right?

Next year, I will not have any expectations. I guess it is time to let go of my childish fantasies of what a "good" birthday would be, seeing as how I have never had one as far as I can remember.

January 1, 2006
8:17 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Mamabear: I have a friend whose b'day is on Christmas. She always is a little disappointed as her special day gets lost in the holidays.

I don't blame you for being disappointed. I get bummed out about that stuff and my b'day is in August!

Could you maybe make plans to celebrate intentionally for the week after New Years?

It might make it more special to have time set aside just for that plus it could be a way to rest up after the holidays. Sleep and a massage sound like great ways to celebrate and recoup. SD

January 1, 2006
8:18 pm
Avatar
bonita1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Happy Belated Birthday!!

Start planning your birthday now, since New Year's Eve is a very difficult time to get reservations. Call up your favorite places. Also, if you want a massage, book that in advance too. You could go to Vegas and get the works and a nice New Year's Eve night out too.

Don't forget that cake and ice cream. Treat yourself to some tonight. OK??

Many Happy Returns!!

~~bonita

January 1, 2006
8:20 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Mama. My birthday is today, so I understand how it can be trying to have a birthday that is also on a holiday. Except in my case, nothing is open! *LOL*

You definitely have a right to your feelings. If you don't acknowledge them and just stuff them or worse, tell yourself that they are trivial and unimportant compared to other things, well, that will just make you sick and sad. Sure, it's not the end of the world, but your asking for reasonable things, and you need to have those needs met. Whether you get those needs met on December 31st or on March 9th, it doesn't really matter in the long run, but matters only that you are celebrated for the wonderful person that you are every now and then.

Wishing you much health and personal peace this year, Mamabear.

January 1, 2006
8:25 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You have EVERY right to your feelings.

You don't have a right to be angry with him for something he can't control - BUT - you DO have a right to be disappointed that your birthday was ruined by illness.

It's not petty or childish. You were disappointed - that is a fair and reasonable feeling. Don't deny it - you are doing yourself a disservice.

Consider this - having expectations gives your power away - cuz there is a chance that your expectations won't be met - and you will be left feeling disappointed.

But that does NOT mean we can't wish or hope.

Another thing - what makes your birthday so special that you should have time to sleep thru the night - what I mean is - why can't ANY night be like that - why on your birthday? Can you reschedule your bed and breakfast for NEXT weekend?

One of things I considered for my daughter, who has a February birthday - and it's always too cold to have an outdoor party - which limits things - is to have a "half year" party in July - half way thru - so we can do summer stuff.

While it's nice to celebrate ON your birthday - perhaps it's better to have your celebration AFTER the new year - and save that time to celebrate among you and your hubby only.

I am sorry your day sucked!...seems like birthdays are hard for alot of us.

January 1, 2006
8:39 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cake and ice cream? I forgot about that...I was so busy taking care of my sick husband and three kids that I didn't do anything for myself.

The massage was supposed to come from my husband...I had even bought massage oil and everything.

Yeah, I guess I do need to have my needs met, I realize that. But were they really needs? Where do wants and needs overlap? I WANTED that stuff, but I guess I don't feel like I should have NEEDED them.

And now it is back to reality, as it is very difficult for me to get a sitter overnight and the extra money to come up with for something like that evening I had planned. If feels like a now or never kind of thing, that missed by a mile.

As for celebrating me for the wonderful person that I am...that is on shaky ground as I do not feel like I am a wonderful person. One of those toxic shame things I am trying to work through. And when something like this happens, it is like fate is laughing at me, taunting me...showing me that I don't deserve to have what I want.

I know, I am a downer tonight, and I am usually the uplifting one on most occasions. I am tired of being the caretaker, you know. I just want to be taken care of for once!

I hope your birthday was better than mine gingerleigh.

In your past, has it generally been happy?

SD,
My husband's birthday is Jan 11, then my son will be 4 on Jan 16, so it is difficult to carve out any time for me. I will trade you for August anytime. I wish I could celebrate my 1/2 birthday, but that is my little sister's birthday!

Bonita,
I've never been to Vegas, I couldn't afford it even if I wanted to, and I think I would be too overwhelmed. I'm from smack dab in the middle of the usa and not alot exciting goes on around here. I get nervous just thinking about going to Vegas! It sounds exciting, but I doubt it I ever will. I've never even seen the ocean or been to the mountains, and I would like to do that sometime. I've never been to a very big city... used to live close to Dallas, and I didn't enjoy that very much.

January 1, 2006
8:49 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ali,

My finances suck, we are in debt so far that I am scared to really even look at our finances, and I am going to have to soon, as my husband is going through a nervous breakdown type thing and put in for a change in jobs that will severly cut his pay. And then, uh oh I am in trouble.

I hav no one to blame but myself, I have my eyes wide open now to the fact that my addiction manifests in the financial arena. You know, when I was growing up, I thought to myself that I would never spend all my money on addictions so my kids would have to suffer the way I did. Well, I don't have the addictions like my parents did, but I do have an addiction, and it is to spending money that I don't even have. My husband doesn't even know how far in debt we really are, and he is going to be PISSED when he finds out. At least I think he will. I am a stay at home mom with three kids under the age of 7. I don't live in a fancy house, drive a new car, or take vacations. But nonetheless, I could for the amount of debt that I have racked up.

My husband has been so unhappy for so long that I can't stand to tell him no when he wants something, so I don't. I just do it. Whether we have the money or not. Then, I charge whatever it is I need...like groceries, gas, etc. Presents for others, going out to eat. Anything I don't have money for...credit cards. We've been working on two houses and I've charged most of the supplies for that. Then it got to where it was like hey, I'm already so far in the hole what is a couple hundred more? And he never has had a hand in our finances. He just trusts me to deal with it, and his motto has kind of been so what if we have debt, we're making all our payments.

Yes, I got off on a tangent, I do that a lot...MY ADD kicking in 🙂

January 1, 2006
8:56 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh, I see now why I got into that, it was in answer to the question of going next weekend to the B&B. Well, the money is only one part of it, the other part is that I don't have anyone that I trust that is willing to stay overnight with my three hyperactive children except my mother in law, and all her vacation is used up and that night was her gift to me for my birtday and she followed through with it, it wasn't her fault that my night sucked and she won't do it again.

January 1, 2006
9:02 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mamabear -

oh boy, can I relate to you...ADD and all.

In fact, I sooo relate - because when I was 11, my mom attempted suicide because we were $30k in debt and dad didn't know.

And dad didn't know for EXACTLY the same reasons you stated - she didn't like admitting money was tight and telling him "no" when they couldn't afford it - and so she would agree to stuff to keep the peace - and when the hole got big - she saw no way out - she had other issues that added to it - but christmas that year sent her over the edge and she tried to kill herself the day after new years.

I still am not sure how you could afford to do this on your birthday night but can't do it any other night....or was it just that you THOUGHT you could afford it - and would do it anyway - but since it didn't happen - you can't justify doing it anyway on a day that isn't your birthday?

January 1, 2006
9:08 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well- could the mother in law take the kids for a weekend and you have your romantic weekend at home sans kids? Husband could still give you a massage, maybe order dinner in and take it from there. Just a thought.

January 1, 2006
9:11 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, the thing is that with my husband putting in for shift change and basically self-demotion back to a worker, he says we will have to get a hold on our finances. So, I guess I just snuck in one last "drink" and then I will sober up. He will see what has been going on and that will be the end of it I'm sure.

In addition, we did go to the B&B, it was there after dinner that he got ill. Well, we had already been there, checked in etc when it hit him, and so we stayed anyhow. He was basically too sick to go home. So the money is spent now.

And, although you had mentioned about your mom's attempted suicide before, I didn't get the reason. And I totally understand where she is coming from. I've had thoughts too. But you see, my insurance policy doesn't cover suicide, so I can't do it for financial reasons like I had fantasized about...if I could make it look like an accident then they could collect the money and not be in debt anymore.

Anyhow, it was just a fantasy, not something I would really do, so please everyone do not freak out on me about my suicidal thoughts. I've had those my entire life, and I do not ever intend to actually go through with it.

January 1, 2006
9:14 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Forgot to address the last post to Ali

January 1, 2006
9:20 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

SD,
My mother in law works a job where every six weeks her days off change. For example, they are I think Tues Wed night right now,she works third shift. THen in six weeks she will have Wed Thurs. My husband works nights too, and has SAT SUN off unless he works OT then it is just Sat. He is so busy and a workaholic- not at work, but outside of work I mean. And my father in law is a real piece of work. His unemployment just ran out as he lost his job back in I think July and has been on it since then. My MIL works and took a second job cleaning a local bank every day and he sleeps all day long and doesn't want the kids around. SHE caters to him and even takes his food to him in the living room so he can watch tv instead of eating with her. She puts up with it, but she came here to watch the kids for that reason.
So that suggestion while lovely is out of the question.

January 1, 2006
9:32 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mamabear - I get it now - didn't realize that you had already checked in and were stuck there with him feeling miserable.

I bet he felt even MORE miserable that he was there and couldn't help being sick - and ruining your birthday plans.

Can you farm the kids out to their friends house one night - put clean sheets on the bed - buy a few inexpensive candles at the dollar store and have a quiet, candlelit romantic night home alone with the hubby?...share a shower or bath together - have him give you that massage you deserve - give you the alone time you crave. I don't know how many kids you have - or what ages - but I would think that there might be a way to do this if you really get creative. My best friend has four kids - and she has found ways to do this with all four - between their freinds, her friends and family - and the kids enjoyed it too.

As far as my mom's suicide attempt - she did it cuz she was too ashamed to tell my dad about the bills - she didn't want to face him - and couldn't find a way to fix it herself - she didn't want him mad at her for it and knew it would disrupt their life as they knew it with the arguments and then the financial struggle to get out of debt. This was a burden she got tired of carrying. So she wanted out instead of facing him. There were other issues - like her depression and some post traumatic stress from her childhood - but overall, the straw that broke her back was the debt and dad's lack of awareness and her fear of telling him. There was no life insurance policy - so that wasn't even a consideration...she simply did not want to deal with the stress of it anymore.

January 1, 2006
9:34 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well I don't know what to tell you then. I think I would be depressed too.

My birthday usually sucks so for the last few years I have made sure I go on vacation by myself just so I don't feel sad. My exbf, who lives in the same complex I do, also has the same darn day as his b'day and he usually ALWAYS has "company" so I just make sure I'm not here. Thats the best I can do for myself.

Can't say that anyone has ever made a big deal about my b'day although I have gone all out for others, so its disappointing to say the least. Its just another day I have to get thru.

Maybe next years b'day will be better for you. (((mamabear))) SD

January 1, 2006
9:41 pm
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mama....sorry your birthday was such a disaster....you have every right to feel crap about it. It is a big deal...everyone deserves some days where they are pampered...you are a busy woman from the sound of it and you have every right to make a big deal of your birthday.

January 1, 2006
9:53 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((MamaB)))

Happy Birthday & Happy New Year!!!

I hope you've had a beautiful day despite whatever happened....

I am as idealistic as you. I always have high expectations only to get frustrated and disappointed.

However throughout the years and in particular lately, I started to set my realistic glasses and focus instead on the positive and count my blessings.

Your hubby got sick on your birthday and things happen unfortunately at a time when we are supposed to be our best. Yet there are things beyond our control.

Here is a (((Hug to you))) with best wishes for a better year that will bring some balance into our life!

~Love, Ras~

January 1, 2006
9:55 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ali,
I think I totally understand where your mom was coming from.

I too had PTSD from childhood. I also have a "major depressive disorder" whatever that means. My husband knows we are in debt, but he doesn't know how bad it is. He also thinks that I quit charging stuff last year. Oops. I did intend to. Really. But I fell off the wagon. I am afraid of what he'll do when he sees what I've done.

My kids are an almost 7 year old, an almost 4 year old, and a 17 month old baby. After my 3 yo got molested, I can't trust anyone with him anymore. And I wouldn't allow my 6 yo to go anywhere for the same reason. I do haver an aunt that has a child just turned 9 that gets along with him, and he has stayed overnight there before...so that could be an option. But the baby and the 3 yo? In time this won't be such an issue, but it is right now, and that is why I was so excited about getting away. I guess there's always next year!

SD, I know what you mean about going all out for others but nobody doing that for you. For years I asked my husband to plan something. When he asked what I wanted, he wanted to know an actual item that I wanted and when I told him that I wanted him to plan something, get the sitter, make all the arrangements etc, he did nothing instead. So for those years, I got nothing. Then last year, he tried. He got a friend to babysit, and even though I had reservations about leaving my kids with him, I did it, and we went out to eat. There are no decent restaurants where I live so we had to drive like 40 miles so it took a while. And that was at least something. This year, I decided to make plans myself, and I did and then to have them fall through was so disappointing.

To make it all worse, we had to come home and I had to take care of HIM. Then, today, he sleeps until after 1 pm, then gets up and watches a movie with the family. I'm dealing with this just fine until his friend comes over and convinces him to go out to the shop and load more metal up on the trailer to haul to the city tomorrow to get some more cash so he can work on his truck he is building. And get it ready for a coat of paint. And whatever else they think of to do.

This man was so sick yesterday he could hardly walk. His eyes were sunk into his head, and he was considering checking himself into the hospital for dehydration because he had it coming from both ends for so many hours on end. But now today, here he is out doing what he usually does, and he will most likely be out to all hours like he does every weekend.
He doesn't have to work tomorrow, but he does have a doctor appt so thought it would be reasonable to take a load and save some gas money in the process. The story of my life. My plans are ruined but he gets to go on living his life like nothing happened. Nevermind the fact that he should be resting. He has not eaten since Fri evening!

January 1, 2006
9:58 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm glad I have this site so I can rant and rave about this. The "real" people in my life think I should just roll with the punches, get over it, and that it wasn't a big deal. So I don't even complain. I just put on my fake cheery smile and act like I'm not upset.

Thanks for the support everyone. I'm glad someone understands.

January 1, 2006
10:00 pm
Avatar
Lass
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Happy Birthday Mama!

Mine is January 3rd, so there's no party for the day everyone goes back to school and work, believe me! It usually gets a cursory, "Oh, yeah, and this Christmas present is for your birthday, too."

I always insist on a good New Years for my birthday. But sometimes, it pays to roll with the punches, and just accept what comes down.

Last night the electricity was out for 7 and a half hours, and I was washing my hair in pots of water off the gas stove, and in acceptance that my New Years plans were gone in place of a freezing cold house and darkness. Just then, the lights came back on. I still wasn't sure til then how I was going to dry my hair, but I think it had something to do with sticking my head in the oven! At least I would have gone out with clean, dry hair.

January 1, 2006
10:11 pm
Avatar
lost and found
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mamabear, could it be that u are doing way to much for others and really plan on some pay back on your birthday. it doesn't have to be on your birthday. just ask your husband if he feels better. when he says yes, then hand the oil over and tell him you are ready for that birthday massage now. be assertive. say what u want. he can't read your mind.

January 1, 2006
10:13 pm
Avatar
Matteo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Happy Birthday, mamabear. Hopefully next one will be better!

Have a good New Year 2006!

January 1, 2006
10:31 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that perhaps one night - you can put the kids to bed early - and then take the time to get that massage - and if the kids get up during the night - HE can attend to them - and in the morning - HE can attend to them so you can sleep in.

No, it's not all romantic and fluffy and stuff - but it's still a compromise.

And you can say to him - I really missed out on our quality time together at the bed and breakfast - do you think we could schedule some quality time some night and you can tend to the kids so I can sleep in....I can't see why he wouldn't...but men are odd.

January 2, 2006
12:20 pm
Avatar
mamabear
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Lass,
I know what you mean about the birthday/Christmas presents. I get those every year. What is worse is when they just don't even get me ANYTHING for my birthday because they are broke from the holidays and I am just an afterthought. They don't even try to say that my Christmas gift was a birthday gift too.

Lost and found, I like what you said. He IS always telling me that he can't read my mind. I do have a hard time being assertive, I am not sure why that is. He would surely do that for me if I asked him to.

Thanks for the birthday wishes Matteo, I too hope next year will be better.

I don't know if it is better to not make plans and then be disappointed when nothing special happens or to make plans and have them fall through. I think it is something I will have to think about through the year and decide what I want for my next birthday. If it falls through again, well then I guess that it happens. 'What will be will be' kind of thing.

Alicat,
My hubby and I are on totally different schedules. We hardly ever get to see each other. During the week, my first grader only sees him for lunch on Fridays when he gets to come home for a few minutes and eat with his dad and the rest of the family. Mon-Thursday not at all. Dad is asleep when he leaves for school and at work when he goes to bed. The preschooler and toddler get to see him for about an hour before he goes to work, which is when I see him. And believe me, he is not a morning person so he is quite solemn and sometimes irratable. Then I have to get up in the morning with the kids so I am always in bed when he gets home at midnight or later. On weekends, he goes out to his parents house (about 15 miles away) because he uses their shop and all his tools and projects are out there. He usually leaves in the afternoon after being awake an hour or two and then stays out almost all night. His childhood friend lives very close (about a block away) and he helps him and his other friends are sometimes out there with him too. I used to go out for dinner every weekend so we could at least have dinner one night a weekend as a family, but I would end up being disappointed because he would be late coming in, wolf his food down, and head straight back out. He is like a bull focused on the red cloth, and sometimes he wouldn't come in at all! So I quit doing that, and we just stay at home.

Sometimes, he spends a day with the family, but he always sleeps in late and gets irritated with me when I want to go to bed at 10 which he thinks is utterly ridiculous. He is hyperactive and likes it/ doesn't want treatment so he can't stand to just hang out around the house. He has to be "doing something" or he goes insane. I feel like I am the loneliest person alive sometimes. It is like being single, only worse, because I can't even find someone to spend time with.

My friends all live about half an hour away and it is hard to make time with them because they all have kids and activities just like we do and our schedules don't mesh. I try to just go on about my life and make plans and have fun without him, but I really guess I am just a homebody who wishes that her husband was too.

We don't really fight about our situation any more (we used to) but I just feel so empty inside.

I envy my single friends (who all live out of state now) and I envy my other married friends with normal lives. I feel like I am always on the wrong side of the proverbial fence.

I had started going to church again, and that seemed to help, but for the past FOUR weekends someone in my family has been sick and I've been unable to go (my husband doesn't believe in church and while he doesn't stop me from going, he doesn't make it easy for me either by watching sick kids).

He is a very hard sleeper and doesn't hear the kids in the night--our toddler sleeps with us. I just weaned her, and she seems to be sleeping better but she is STILL sick so she keeps waking up in the middle of the night with a tummy ache and diarrhea. She is also getting a new molar in and it is hurting her. You cannot force that child to take medicine, she will not swallow it no matter how hard you try. If there are two people to hold her down etc you can sometimes get half of it down her, but otherwise it isn't happening. Unless you can sneak it in her drink, and most medicine is so yucky that you can't fool her.

Yes, I am downer, I am gripey. My therapist said I was having a depressive episode the last time I was in there, but I didn't believe her because I didn't feel sad- just blah, not happy, not sad, just numb. Now I do feel sad.

Now that I've weaned the baby, my doctor will want me to go back on my meds, but I don't like the sexual side effects. Why mess with the one area of my life that I am not unhappy with? (for the most part, although it could happen more often I do enjoy it when it does, and when I am on my meds I could care less)

I have tried different meds, more than you could imagine. I think they don't do much for me at all. I am trying to divert my thought processes now, but when I get in a funk like this, it is hard to do that.

I didn't even take my preschooler to school today or bother calling in like I am supposed to. I am glad tax season is almost here and I can go back to work. I love my job, I love the people I work with. I love getting out of the house every day and doing something I am good at. I love the adult conversation and I love the way I feel when I accomplish a task. Being at home doesn't do that for me.

BUT, when tax season is over, I am actually glad to go back home with my kids. It is the perfect job for me, to work part time part of the year with wonderful, supportive ,mature people. I have never had a job where the people didn't bicker or gossip or undermine the other people, and it is so refreshing.

I think I may just stay off my meds. I haven't been on them for two years, and I am still here.

January 2, 2006
1:15 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

how about some other natural alternatives like exercise or eating right?...there are some natural homeopathic stuff like sam-e or st john wort or DHA/EPA(omega3) or MSM that helps mild depression.

I think that it will be important for you and your marriage to sit down and talk to your husband and find a way to compromise his weekend schedule to fit time in with the family.

It sounds like he may be ADD driven - in that case - the on the go and hyperfocus on his projects is a symptom - as is his eating fast and getting back out there.

It's great that he has a hobby - but if it's all consuming - it's not healthy - it borders on addiction. Granted, it's not a hurtful one like alcohol or drugs - but it still hurts the family.

And he probably keeps this routine because he can. You mention it bothering you in the past and I wonder how you guys handled it.

Perhaps when you are not in a depressed mood - and able to talk to him on an adult level - you can try and see if there is some time he can take out of his "project" time for the family and you - or if there is a way you can participate and work beside him.....I know men and their "vehicles" - I have one that would eat sleep and drink trucks if he could - but that's not healthy - there has to be a balance.

As with all depressive episodes, they DO pass - but it's no fun while they are here. (hugs)

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714259
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information