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my 16yo daughter hates me
November 13, 2000
4:44 am
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lucinda
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hello i have written before about my daughterand you all gave me great advice but now she has been very suidcidal and she has attepted before and her friends just say to her that they will be there for her but i am frightend that she may really do herself some serious damaged this has been going on now for weeks and 3 days ago she came to my home and was so aggravated i rang mental health and they said to try to egnor her and not react so she would settle down but it just made her worse now bye this stage i was really starting to panic and i new i couldnt help her any more she had hurt her self and she was bleeding so i rang the ambulance and when they arrived they took over she made horrible acusations and has really worried me for my safty now they have her at the hospital and she is blaming me for every thing that has happend i love her with all of my heart and i would do just about any thing for her i ring her every day and tell her that i love her we have had our problems but i neaver thought i would go as far as this when i speak with her she tells me that its all my fault she is in hospital and i feel very guilty. i have come to live with my depression and i manage it well i think i do i left my 2 boys with their father at our home as we do not get along {husband and i }and this is not good for my children we are all happy with this arrangement as he was very controlling to me and blamed me for every thing i live on my own now and i still get down but i have made the right choices {well i think i have}but my daughter is worring me when she gets out of hospital i hope she will be fine and doesnt attept suiside again

November 13, 2000
1:50 pm
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peace2u
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Lucinda, I have been a 16 year old who
blamed my mother for everything and I now have 15 year old son. We as parents have to own up to the mistakes we make which do affect our children. Then when you accept that you have made mistakes, do your best not to repeat them, and also correct the ones you can. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is worth it to bring healing to the relationship you have with you children. To do this takes time to reflect on what your children have seen you do during their life. Specifically ask your daughter what it is that is hurting her, ask her to tell you specifically what she is angry about. Listen to her and be patient if she doesn't open up right away. If she does tell you try to accomodate her if at all possible. Give her compliments. Tell her what a great woman she will be in a few years. Teenagers are less secure within themselves than they act. This is your baby girl. It is an on going process, but within the next few months or so I bet you will see improvements. I hope what I said is helpful.

November 15, 2000
6:14 am
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lucinda
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thank you peace2u i love my daughter very much and i seem to be runny around like a headless chook and my mum said that i shouldn't be doing this as she will not respect me at all she does say the most dredfull words to me and saying that i sexually abuse her to her friends and her counselor i just hate to think what they must think of me {which these are not true } i am convinced that alicia really hates me she has told me that she wants to cut my throat i just know that she is says this to get me going i think i know that she wouldn't do it last night i went to pick her up from her friends parents place and she gave them cuddles and told them that she loved them both and she new that i was watching then when we got to her place she just said bye and got out of the car it is tearing my heart out i just know that in a few years she wont even remember these yearsi have ask her what i have done to make her so cross with me but she says to me that i have done nothing but i am so confused lucinda

November 15, 2000
9:38 am
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janes
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At 16 her life is now out of your control. You may not be as contrlling as your husband was but as parents when we see the mistakes our kids are making (esp. Moms) we want to fix it.

I'd advise that you stop ringing her every day. She knows you love her and she knows just which buttons to push to hurt you.

Did you do your best while raising her? If you can say yes then the way she is living now is up to her.

You are in a tough situation. She may be suffering from depression as you are. But you cannot make her change her behavior. But you can change yours. If she hates you why is she coming to you...

You are LETTING her upset you...and..in a sense you are now letting HER CONTROL you.

If you love her figure out how not to be so codependent with her. It's a tangled web and hard to break the cycle. She needs counseling too.

Fix yourself and then tell her to go get her self fixed.

She's still running your life. Don't let her.

November 24, 2000
6:59 am
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lucinda
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thank you great advice

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