Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
MsGuided... need advice
September 22, 2008
11:21 pm
Avatar
ms_resilient
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You gave me some advice on my 'sleeping with the enemey thread' and I have a question about going underground. I'm so confused about how everything will work once I get to where I'm going. I just don't want him to follow or show up and I want the transition to be final.

I have the fear of not being believed b/c of everything I've been through with the legal system and local law enforcement already. I promise I'm not being a coward and I do know what has to be done but what will I need to take to prove this has been happening? Will they really give me protection from him? He will kill me if he finds me b/c this will be the ultimate embarassment to him. It will show that "he can't control his woman".

Please give any advice you can.

September 22, 2008
11:43 pm
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ms_resilient- The further you get away like out of the county your in and preferably the state the safer you will be.

As far as I know unless you have been a victim of a crime he has committed against you it may be difficult to get a court ordered or court protected identity change.

You can get to wherever you are going and file for a legal name change. But then it will just AKA on your drivers license.

If you live somewhere rent a room or housing with all the utilities under someone elses name.

They usually trace you when you open up utilities under your name.

Then next way is when you are driving and get pulled over.

What I fear when you leave is he will try to find some way to get your name in the police system so that if you got pulled over you would be detained.

A Criminal Attorney would be the best one to advise you. Also talking to the district attorneys office or a victim advocate.

Again, your best bet would be not to discuss this with anyone. Then when you get where you are going you cant contact anyone. That is another way clever people will find out where you are. They will talk to people you know. They will tell them some BS to con them into telling them where you are. Hopefully your phone does not have GPS. If you do use a cell phone use a pre paid one.

When you leave do it as soon as he goes to work and take his calls so he wont be suspiciouse while you are on the road. As soon as he gets home shut your phone off. This will give you 8 hours to get really far from him. Some churches are good at helping people.

Your situation is tough but getting as far away from him and the area you are in is a good start.

September 22, 2008
11:54 pm
Avatar
MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((ms-resilient)))
I'm not an American, and certainly haven't been in your extreme situation.
I wish i could give you some solid advice, and resources right NOW, because i just read your thread,and my stomach, heart and mind are pained by what you endure.

One thing i can say is documentation is very important. If you have kept any type of journal about the abuse, frequency and dates reaching back to when it started.
Photo evidence!! Do you have pictures of any bruising, since you probably won't get any records from the police dept.
You are being blocked from justice. Even prisoners are treated better! You COULD get a rape kit, because it is illegal for spousal rape, BUT we all know that is futile.

Going underground may mean you have to change your name yourself, and cancel your credit cards. Transfer your car and disability check to a new name. But this costs $$. You have to look into that. You may have to give up credit since reapplying means having a history.Or you'll have to use cash advances so your location can't be traced.You may have to live day to day...but a shelter will have you, without payments, give you time to get your life back on track, figure things out.
I was abused, went to a shelter, but my situation was nothing like yours. Not as dangerous at all. The system is just different here in Canada.
Shelters here don't allow visitors, only allow phonecalls to your lawyer or safe friends. They request a list of safe people, if you have any. here they give you legal aide, so you don't pay for a lawyer.They are lockdown facilites, and have law on alert for security breachers.
In your case you need to get away, far away from your community.

Going to a shelter out of state would be a first step...then they can help you with identity issues, and safety. Look into what states have the best funding and climate for abused women. It is up to you to decide and find what suits you. This( checking into a shelter) could be so refreshing, a relief, and invigorating for you dispite the fact you may have less of the comforts from being in a maritol home. You may just crash for a few days from your adrenaline shutting down. They make sure you are fed, and watch your mental state. Give you medical assistance of needed.

(You have to find SOME way to escape this situation!?)

What is comfortable about being raped, humiliated, emotionally abused, watched and controlled like a starved animal! You are utterly isolated now so i think a shelter would be like a spa compaired to that!

You're dealing with an extremely corrupt bunch of misogynists that are drunk with violence and power. A system that will crush you.
I wish "divine" justice would do the job for you and have him elliminated on duty. Yes I posted that! too bad!

This is a pretty awfull thought, but I think the monster deserves to be put out!

Maybe ask Ma Strong.......go on Ladeskas, Charmer/Abuser thread for more definative answers..appeal on your thread.

I feel urgent yet powerless....kindof like you.
I'm just cheering you on, and hoping your safe while you work things out!
NOBODY thinks you're a coward here....you just want to live. I hope this helps just a little!!

Please be safe, try to be calm, and i wish you peace and strength in this time.
Warmest regards.

September 23, 2008
4:01 pm
Avatar
Mari Kwante
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are so brave to take that step...

There are many who never leave. Make sure you choose a location that is sealed and is dedicated to protecting you. I wont name any spots on this website but my passion is helping women in your situation and I do know of a few places that are secure... Please document all that you can, it will help your case. All in all, google some DV Attorneys and connect with someone in another area who makes it their career in aiding those in your situation.

I'm rooting for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Peace and Sisterhood

Mari

September 23, 2008
4:49 pm
Avatar
ms_resilient
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Question. I have journals dating back to 2003 (on my laptop), some pictures, a restraining order, the police report where he stole my car, records of stalking, the EPO that I filed that was denied, and 2 women's advocates that I know would testify for me. The things that he's done at work, such as excessive force and even failing a drug test have been removed from his file. I tried bringing those things up before and his attorney (now county judge) made me look like a fool in court.

Anyway, will I need to physically take these to at attorney in another state or can I get started over the phone? When I talked to people on the phone, they do not realize the severity of this situation. I have very few opportunities to call or even get out of the house and I have to make the most of my time. I will do all the research that I can but I have no idea where to go or where to start.

I did get to talk to a couple people last week as I've stated but I'm the one at risk and who has to make the actual move. I can't take any chances and I really want it to be right. I will have a few hours out of the house again on Thursday for a doctor's appt and will be able to make a few phone calls then.

When I get out of here, I'll do whatever I can to help women in situations like this. It's not right and it should not be happening to anyone!

Thank you all so much for everything. You don't know what it means to me. Please let me know if you think of anything that might be of help.

With love,
Ms_Resilient

September 23, 2008
5:15 pm
Avatar
PreciousG
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Resilient,

Are you going to be able to take your laptop with you? I would try to make hard copies of the information and also try to safe everything on to discs for back-up. Yes I would take all this with me when you sleak with an attorney.

You can go ahead and contact an attorney in another state and tell hin/her what documents that you have so he/she will understand the severity of the situation. They will definetly tell you make copies of everything and make back-up discs. If you have trouble with this you can go to fed-ex Kinkos store and they will help you. I would first make the back-up discs though and store in a safe place. Would make at least 3 dics and keep the in diferent places.

I would also recommend that you contact the 2 woman advocated tha will testify for you. Only if you think that they will honor your confidentiality. Which I do not know why they wouldn't but you never know in the town that you reside. They maybe able to advise you on how to best secure the documents that you have as well as guide you in some direction on to proceed form here.

When you say do research what type of research are you speaking of?

I hope that this helps. I really wish there was more taht I could do to help you get out of there. Just know that you are not alone I think of you often. There is a way out and we all will assit you in finding that way out.

(((((Resilient)))))

Precious

September 23, 2008
5:42 pm
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sweetie everyone here is giving you good advise. Do you have any way to squirrel extra money away? I worry about you

Bitsy

September 23, 2008
6:03 pm
Avatar
ms_resilient
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Precious)))

I will be taking my laptop and I've already backed everything up. I just need to get somewhere to store the copies. I can't get a safe deposit box at the banks around here, cause he knows way too many people. He's worked at the PD for 13 years now and news spreads like wild fire around here.

I research as much as I can on the internet. As for the women I was speaking about, one is now teaching at a college out of state and the other works out of town now, but both of them have witnessed his abusive behavior first hand and I'm supposed to call one of them on Thursday.

Resilient

September 23, 2008
6:07 pm
Avatar
MsGuided
Golden Horseshoe.ca
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 104
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ms_resilient

Making calls and relaying details from 2003 to now is a long process.
The only way to escape is to go out of state.
I would check which state has the best shelters, and laws that protect women. The shelters provide lawyers who are experts in Domestic abuse.
I had one and boy did he ROCK! He did everything and I didn't even have to appear in court.

Taking your Computer, AND making backup copies on a USB Data traveller ( the size of a small eraser) of your journal , pictures, records, etc, and mailing them to the shelter, a close associate, or a postal box that you have rented is a good idea. You can mail copies to various locations for extra security.
Getting your advocates to write letters may help to protect them, since they may be in danger if they testify.

Many people back out because once the court process starts they may be threatened by the abuser..in your case it may be much worse since you're married to monster cop.

You need backups just in case.

Packing the bare necessities and driving to the shelter may be difficult since your car can be tracked and traced...maybe devise a plan to take a train, or rental.

Do you know anyone who you can give cash to, put the rental on their credit card, and you can drive without being traced?

You need to devise a plan so he can't get to you before the border or issue an alert.

Once at a shelter, THEY will advise you, and protect you. The shelter is the best place to get the right advice and support. They have to protect women in danger every day.

I'm crossing my fingers and toes!

Be Well!

September 23, 2008
6:08 pm
Avatar
ms_resilient
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((bitsy))

I've been hiding a few dollars here and there. I have to ask for money and explain what it's for. I have no savings or credit cards. He controls everything. I'm up to about $150 right now which should pay for the gas to get me where ever I need to go. Then my disability money will come in until I can get adjusted.

I will make though. Once I have freedom, I have the opportunity to make more money. I've got to be optimistic:)

September 26, 2008
4:13 pm
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

msresilant- Please make sure you take the money from the bank the day it is deposited from your town and leave. You dont want to use the ATM or Credit card cause that is how he will trace you. When you get to the new town you can set up a new account at a different bank.

As far as your past history with him. The way the law works is the town where the incidents occured is the town that has the jurisdiction over them. The same will be with the marriage you will have to file in the last town you lived in but I dont think that is a priority right now.

The most your info can do is get you into a homeless shelter for battered women.

You might want to check a local paper where ever you wind up and rent a room from someone so that way the utilities and everything is under someone elses name. The cost is also a lot cheaper then renting.

If you wait until the day your money comes in the bank and grab it ASAP you will be fine. Dont worry if it is only with the clothes on your back.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
44
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110906
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38534
Posts: 714189
Newest Members:
odin83, sendlv, ViolentFighterBrownCaveman, kbrfDazy, traceyob69, JohnMeave
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer