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Mr 22 just drove up..I am freaking out!!
August 21, 2006
3:53 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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i hope you don't mind me putting in my two cents.

I would think you want to contact him because there are unanswered questions, plus you are still holding on to some fantasy that it can play out the way you want it to.

The reality is - ask yourself - without blinders on - if he can play with your heart this way, and also with his wife's heart - can you truly trust him to have an honest relationship with you? (if he came back to you).

Step away, let him figure this out for himself, and if it's TRULY meant to be (and I wish it could be true, cuz you seem so happy with him) - then it will happen - he will respectfully end things with his wife and get his head on straight before involving you and your heart further.

I wouldn't give him the time of day until he got his head on straight....if you do, you are enabling him to keep up this wishy washy behaviour, which is hurting everyone involved.

But, for your sake, consider that he should make a clean break of everything before trying to be part of your life any more....it's just not fair.

And keep in mind that if he can play games with his WIFE like this, he may do the same if he chose to commit to you down the road.

I wish you the best....you deserve nothing less.

August 21, 2006
3:56 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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and I agree with SD - if he can stand at an altar and swear before god and all present that he will be with his wife, for better or worse, and look her in the eye and say "I do"....how does that translate into maturity?

If he can lie before god, and all present, and take vows of marriage, that shows alot of SERIOUS flaws in character....and tho he may be a prince/gem in many other ways - his lack of ability to be honest with her, himself and you is a serious thing to worry about.

August 21, 2006
4:28 pm
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Soulsister
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China..Light..Sd..sleepless..2b...Mamac...and Rising...

GOD..I know that YOUR support is why I am on this site. Why is it..the things we know.."really know" in our hearts, to be the truth, have to be written or said by someone else..in order to be clear?

Normally, in my past..and when I was younger..I would be calling and contacting him..probably neurotically..but, I can't because I have absolutely NO IDEA what I would say. NONE!!! I know, nothing I say will change anything. I think I would like to know he cared for me..and maybe the reason I was fine..when he left..was because I felt he did. But, now..I'm not sure? I have lost the good feeling I was hanging onto..and maybe I'm afraid..if I contact him..I will find out he never did..and that would just hurt too bad.

I love you all..and appreciate every single word you've written. It has helped me so much. I know you all know..that I just want someone who loves me..and is there for me. Neither B or mr 22 can give me this..and I just don't know if I will ever find anyone who will. I know it seems probably silly..that I'm this hurt by someone who was only in my life for a short time. I was FINE..until he showed up. I didn't call. I didn't text..I really, really tried to stay away.

Love Soul

August 21, 2006
4:38 pm
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2bstrong
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Oh soul....it is all going to be ok. I think you were doing great...but as someone once said on this site: "they ALWAYS come back". That's what usually messes us up.

Just sit tight...let some time pass, and try to regain some of the composure you had these past few days. It's so hard to be in the moment when your mind is racing with all of the things you would like to say (and hear). Post your little fingers off here...

hugs to you...

August 21, 2006
4:39 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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perhaps you want validation that he DOES care, so you can feel better knowing it wasn't just "sex".

but the reality is that even if that's the case, he can't be someone good for you right now.

and then there is the risk that he may say it was only sex.

Just believe in your heart he cared, but the timing was just not right....keep up no contact and if/when he gets mature enough to make the right decisions, you will be strong enough to see this story thru to the end.

August 21, 2006
7:07 pm
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Soulsister
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texted him...

"of course, I've been thinking about u since I woke up. Iv'e wanted to talk to you, but I don't know what to say and if I tell you how I feel it probably won't change anything. I'm still trying to figure out why u came over but I'm afraid to find out it was just about sex and hope it was because u do have feelings 4 me. I truly hope u find the answers u r looking for. U know I am here if u ever need me and u know I really care about u and miss u!"

I know it sounded like, I would be there if he ever needed me(for sex)..but I meant as a friend..and if he ever changed his mind about being married.

Well, he called about 10 min later. He told me he was sorry he did that to me..that he wanted me to know it wasn't just about sex..and that he wanted to see me. He said he likes being with me..and he knows he shouldn't and can't be messing around. It's not right, and he said he really wanted to stay..but he was feeling so guilty wanting to be with me while he is married..that he had to leave. He pulled over on his way home..and got sick. just as a joke..I said..gee thanks, I make you sick. He said, no..it's my nerves..and knowing I was doing something I shouldn't. He said he called because he did not want me to think that he came over for any other reason than wanting to see me. He did not want to hurt me. He will not admit feelings for me. He says it like this "I really like being around you and hanging out..it always feels good to be with you" and "I always have a good time with you" anyway, he said he thought we could just hang out and be friends..but he doesn't think he can just keep it like that..and not have other things happen. Sometimes, I wish he would just say, "I care about you" or "Of course, I have feelings for you" I cried a couple times..while talking to him. He asked me if I was ok..and said he was sorry. I said I wasn't ok. I told him I wasn't supposed to start to care about him..damn it! I asked him how he could get married..and do that..then he finished my sentance.."tell her I love her..and then be with you?" I said Yes? I don't understand. He said, because I like being with you..and I know it's wrong and I can't do that anymore. Anyway, we said goodbye..and he said..I'll talk to you again, ok?

IS HE DONE NOW?

Sorry, that was soooo long..there was a lot more said..but too much to bore you all with.

How in the hell and I going to get him out of my head???? and my heart???

Love you all..thanks for beign there for me...:) Love Soul

August 21, 2006
7:11 pm
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Soulsister
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I forgot to say..that he said I have been a really good frined to him..and he hasn't been a good frined to me..and he is really sorry for that.

August 21, 2006
9:46 pm
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chinita
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Soul what are u doing??? Your making it more difficult than it is. He sounds all mixed up. I'm sure he has feelings for u and cares about u. But Soul your so volunerable to him.

I'll be back. I can't really think right now too much on my mind.

August 21, 2006
10:00 pm
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2bstrong
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At this point, soul, friendship isn't an option for either of you. There is obvious attraction for both of you, but the deeper issue that is being skimmed over is the commitment that he has made to someone else. I do believe that he got sick, I may be gullible, but I think Mr. 22 has a conscience.

Just my humble opinion, but I don't think either of you were really looking for friendship when you met. Distraction, diversion, or just plain comfort, maybe. Perhaps that is it? You are both missing the comfort of someone safe in your lives? You have been tolerant of his infidelity--I don't know if that qualifies as friendship.

Please don't think I am being harsh, soul.--2b

August 22, 2006
8:31 am
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smarterone
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Hey soul
I havent been on for a while, but was looking for you, and i amnot shocked at all of what i am reading. I feel real bad for you cause i know what you are feeling and cannot give you advice cause i have been there. I only wish you strength. Strength to turn away, which is hard, especially when you are not in the greatest position with B and all. What is happening with B. I cant stay on, have to go to doctor for results. Ill be back. Just wanted to say "Im here"

August 22, 2006
3:23 pm
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sleepless in uk
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((( Soul)))

Take care love

August 22, 2006
3:34 pm
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Honolulugal
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Soul, girly, how the heck are thee this day?

H-gal

August 22, 2006
4:05 pm
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Soulsister
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I'm ok..just posted on the jsut sex thread. I'm hurt..confused..lost..mr 22's friend answered my text to him..last night. I was pissed..it's on the other thread. I'm so pissed at him..and them..I felt like they were all reading my text..laughin..like I'm some slut..I talked to him about it..and he said he was sorry. but, I'm stillhurt..he didn't stand up for me..If they were trying to get rid of me..they did..so f them..and I will not be contacting him..

August 22, 2006
4:09 pm
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Soulsister
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I worked 14 hours yesterday...and had calls about coordinating school schedules..and I had bills to pay..and the caseworker for B's other sone was calling about me getting his other son..to see him in jail. I have to arrange for someone to watch the daycare kids..and my car is going in the shop..so...sometimes..I jsut feel like I have so much weight on my shoulders..and I can't carry it all anymore. I'm tired..and very depressed..and unhappy. I don't like me anymore..

August 22, 2006
4:27 pm
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sleepless in uk
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Oh Soul (((( )))))

Girl you are doing so well...you are carrying all this and you are really soooo much better than any of these jerks. Really you are.

And if you dont like you...I do

August 22, 2006
6:07 pm
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Soulsister
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(((Sleepless))) Thank you so much..I'm so tired of loving people..and never getting loved back..

Been listening to this song..reminds me of how I feel right now..

RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS

"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Love SOulsister

August 22, 2006
7:04 pm
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Honolulugal
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Well, darlin', whatever the f!ck it takes. Now you're moving, right? Keep going, one in front of the other. Anger at someone's immaturity is GOOD! See the 22 now?

Cell phones are hard that way. I think plenty of secrets are no longer secret, ya know? Fear not, this boy will return. I just hope you don't let him.

What happened to the tattoo dude? Wanna hear.

You must have broad shoulders to be able to handle all this, woman. I'm on your side, all the time. Keep movin' AWAY from 22.

H-gal

P.S. I have seen your depressed pattern and will tell you, you'll feel better very soon. I'll be watching!

August 22, 2006
8:19 pm
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StronginHim77
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Soul...

Here is a "homework assignment:"

Watch the movie "WAITING TO EXHALE" and take notes.

- Strong

August 22, 2006
9:16 pm
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Soulsister
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I love you guys!!!!!!

I'm hoping and thinking you're right H-gal, about my depression..it does have a pattern. lol..why is that???

Strong..

I think I might have seen that movei..a long time ago..is it about a whole bunhch of woman friends...going through rough times?? It was a long time ago..I can' remember..but I'll go rent it.

I haven't heard from him..I was a bitch on the phone..and I don't think he's ever seen that side of me. He should have called and said sorry, right after his friend did it..if he had cared about me at all. Fucker!!

Oh..and the tatoo designer..guy..he is a sweetheart..He calls me kid all the time..and I'm only tow years younger..but it's cute and reminds me of Sam Elliot. He was the one I thought kinda looked like him FUnny, I told him that..and he said Sam Elliot has a ranch near him..in Bend. Wierd eh?? I think he might drink too much..but he is a sweety.

I talk to this other guy, too. Turns out..today..when I was talking to him..he knows my ex-h and the best man from our wedding. GO figure. Small world. Well, he knew them when I was 16..so it was a long time ago.

THey both want to meet me..and I jsut say maybe..and avoid it. I don't think I'm ready yet..because I'm hung up on mr 22...damn it..Gotta give myself some time..away from him.

Soulsister

August 22, 2006
9:24 pm
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lightchaser
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Soul: I love you~ Light

August 22, 2006
9:31 pm
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Honolulugal
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Strong,

Good one! Hear that Soul? Yeah, the movie has, among others, Whitney Houston (before her meltdown) and Angela Basset. Good stuff.

I think you need something transistional right now, not necessarily a man, but maybe.

Can you plan something really, really harmless with one of them? You need to draw your focus away from 22.

August 22, 2006
9:32 pm
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Anonymous
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((((Soul))))) This too shall pass....

Sorry I don't have much to say (you've gotten some excellent advice and support already), but just wanted to give you a much needed hug! I've been laying low lately...trying to figure things out myself. So I know how you feel.

Take care, my friend. You will be ok!

Love, Plz~

August 23, 2006
12:18 am
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chinita
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Be strong (((SOUL)))

Love ya!!!

China Girl

August 23, 2006
2:33 am
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Soulsister
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I passed him twice tonight..weird..the last time..I texted him that I had just passed him. he just ignored me..whatever..so, I sent him one..saying I won't BOTHER him anymore. Even though he's the little f-r here came to my house and bothered me...KISS MY ASS!!!

MY hot sexy ass...that is..lol...he's married and miserable..and I'm single and having fun...ha ha!!

August 23, 2006
8:14 am
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reachingout
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Soul
I know you don't know me but I have been following all of your threads I enjoy reading your stuff but I have to say Mr 22 sounds like he is really full of shit his whole story right from the begining. How do you even know if he is really married I mean who gets married and then leaves town without their new wife it all sounds like such a story to me maybe not but none of what he say's makes any sence to me it's just one crazy story after another think about all the drama. Hope I don't affend you but after reading now for days had to voice my thoughts it just doesn't make sence.

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