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Moving beyond codependancy...
April 15, 2004
8:46 pm
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kitterkat
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September 29, 2010
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I've been in a relationship with a guy for about 5 years. We've had two breakups/restarts already as we've matured. Everytime we break up we go crazy for each other and work out our problems and then get back in a relationship. We just broke up the other day though because I have been letting alot of personal issues get in my way of our relationship, and some of those are related to self esteem. Not only that, but I think I might have codependancy issues. I wanted to ask though...is there life for a relationship after awareness of the codependancy and action is taken to disrupt the cycle? I have alot of stuff I need to work out for my own sanity and health before I could ever get back in a relationship with anyone let alone this guy...but I do love him for a VAST many reasons other than those relating to codependancy - that just seems to be the cycle I have let myself fallen into. Should I just pass on this relationship if anything else develops? Should I even give him up as a friend?

April 16, 2004
12:30 am
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Sam7
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I don't know.

But one thing I have learned is that you can't be anything to anyone until you are ok for yourself.

I have a lot of growth and work to do right now. I am in a relationship (not coda) but I'm also dealing with a previous one that is coda. I'm also finding out a lot about myself and I need to continue that route.

I would like to be friends with the guy I'm coda with, but we've been down a really tough path. I'm not sure if too much damage has been done for us to really trust each other again. Time will tell.

But what you may want to consider doing right now is taking the time to heal yourself and take care of your personal problems that are separate from this guy. Get in touch with him and explain to him that you are going through a period of self-growth or exploration or whatever. That you do love him, but you really want to be in a good relationship with him and to do that you need to stop this cycle. So, you're going to take some time for yourself, get some counselling and hopefully come back to it with a clean slate some time in the future. If he really cares about you, this will be ok. But be honest with yourself and him. People are usually pretty understanding when you're honest.

Good luck!

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