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mother & sister present for birth?
September 14, 2005
11:20 am
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sector
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Since I've been married, (which has only been for 10 months) my wife and I have discussed having children. We then talked about their birth in its self. My wife mentioned that when she gives birth she only wants 4 people in the room with her. Me, the doctor, her mother and older sister. She said that they HAVE to be there. I’ve got a problem with that. And I guess that’s why I’m starting this thread. I do not want her mother or sister there. I believe that the birth of your child is such an amazing thing that I think that should only be shared with the mother and father. Is that selfish of me? My wife doesn’t know how I feel about the issue. To be honest I’m afraid to bring it up. We met with our Marriage Counselor last night and I spoke to him alone about this concern. He agreed with my point of view and asked that I bring it up in our next session so we can openly discuss it. Am I weird with my thinking and beliefs with this matter? Please help me shed some light on it. 😀

September 14, 2005
11:23 am
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Randomwomen2
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well it just depends on the person with me i had my mother in law my sister in law my aunt and my husband. It just depends on how confortable you are. Sorry there are no simple anwser to your dellima.
Love julie

September 14, 2005
11:29 am
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Anonymous
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no, no simple answers.

my mom was there for me - but not the father of the baby.

honestly - I would want my mom, my husband, my children there (my daughter is older - might be good birth control for her!!!) - but not sure how I would feel about my mother in law - as I have no relationship with her at this point - so would depend on how close we are.

I think these days it's more "open" - it's a family affair - where in years gone by, everyone waited in the delivery room...now it's more of a family affair.

perhaps you can establish a boundary that if they are there, they are in the background - back of the room - that you are the one by her side - sharing it with her - and the first to hold, touch, cut the cord, etc. - or maybe they can be there - taking shifts while she is in labor - but when the birth is happening - you be the one to be there - and they be in the background or in the waiting room.

talk to the doc too - cuz usually the place is somewhat cramped and they can only have so many people by their bedside - the rest have to stand back or wait in the waiting room.

there are alot of compromises to this - find out why she wants them there and see if there is middle ground. having them there is not going to take the magical moment away from you - nor is it going to make it any less special.

September 14, 2005
11:32 am
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Randomwomen2
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the only reason i had my mother in law there is because my mother couldnt find the time to see me or her grandson so i was closer to my mother in law than my own mom

September 14, 2005
11:35 am
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no harm in that - as I said, I am close with my mom - and I don't have a mother in law yet - so not sure how my relationship will be - if we are close, of course I would want her there.

I think in my case, I would want my husband there - for the birth, but have my other loved ones close by - waiting room or such - cuz my mom already saw her first grandbaby being born - and I am not all that fond of the idea of someone else beyond my partner seeing my private parts, even tho I had my mom do it once.

September 14, 2005
11:42 am
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Randomwomen2
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I got so mad after i had given birth to my first son he was still being weighed at the hospital and i was being stitched up it took about 45 minutes for that but my mother in law invited my family in as i had my feet in the stirups damn that was embarising cause there comes my father inlaw my father my step mom there kids it was a zoo and everyone saw my you know what. AHHHHHHH thats not someting you want to happen so maybe you should have a talk with the family to make sure that doesnt happen

September 14, 2005
11:51 am
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mamacinnamon
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My first one my hubby and the student docs were all there. Who cares by that point. #2 was just hubby and I wished for someone that would help me and not watch the price is right and tell me to wait for a commercial. #3 was hubby, mom-in-law, sis and anyone else to a point, but when time for baby was hubby and I think all the staff. Who cares at that point again.

I guess it's what you are comfy with. If she wants her mom and sis but understands you are #1 then ok, but once in the room I don't see how you can keep mom and sis in the background. Specially when the heavy contractions start.

Are you the attentive type? Gonna give her whatever she wants when she wants it? No fighting no matter what comes out of her mouth? If you are strong enough to "BE THERE" then tell her so, but if you are not then let her family in. My mom blew of my kids' births, all 3 of them and that hurt. Be glad she has a mom that cares.

I don't like the idea of the subject just bein popped out at her at the counselor's office. I see the significance of the counselor as referee, but I'd feel ambushed if the topic came up like that. I would think you should sit down and talk to her one on one before the counselor appt; maybe even a couple times.

September 14, 2005
12:27 pm
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miss_tater_head
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Sector,

When you give birth, you can decide who is in the room. But since it's the wife's turn - let her decide who should be there. Let this very small thing go and be thankful for the opportunity to start a family.

Miss Tater Head

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