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mosher1 going down hill fast!!!!!!!!!!
March 14, 2005
11:27 am
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mosher1yr
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Its funny how things can go so perfect and great and look like its going back to normal or somewhat back to normal....and how quickly that can be taken away from you, we were talking laughing smiling hugging kissing calling and now were yelling im crying shaking shes telling me she doesnt want anything to do with me what the heck, i dont understand, i called her and she never called back so i called again, didnt call back and usually she will but she didnt so i got worried so i mean i called and finally she picked up and she started to yell at me and tell me i was a freak and that we cant be friends anymore and all of this stuff and all i was, was just worried and now were all the way back to square one, i cant stop crying or thinking about her and for awhile i was truely happy and now it went all to shit....i cant go on anymore, last night i went out and took my katie box aw and i just went and looked at all the pictures and read all the notes some made me laugh others made me cry, you know every one of those letter ended with love always and forever..every one of then, i didnt sleep but 10 minutes last night all i did was cry and cry, i cant go on like this....i truely hate life now

March 14, 2005
11:49 am
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addicts wife
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Mosher!!!!!!
🙁
I am so Bummin for you right now...
(((((((hugs))))))))))))
I have ot go , my mom just rang the bell thing...Ill be back soon-ish
(((hugs))))
~AW

March 14, 2005
12:04 pm
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mosher1yr
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I just dont understand what i did to deserve this

March 14, 2005
12:13 pm
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ron9871
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i understand ur pain i was friends with a gal that for no good reason cuts off contact i dont know how people can be so cold she is a alcoholic i guess that explains her deal

March 14, 2005
12:32 pm
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jamaicanwife
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Why would she call you a freak?

March 14, 2005
12:48 pm
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angel4U
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Mosher,

(((( HUGS ))))

I feel your pain. I recently had the same thing go on with someone I was dating. Also, many years back, I was engaged to a guy that also would get like this (and shut me out) for no apparent reason. One day things were great, the next, they weren't. It is such a "painful" experience to go through when you love someone, I know. The one that I was engaged to wrote me wonderful letters telling me "it's not you, it's me ... I'm afraid that I will lose you" ... I later found out he had both an alcohol and a cocaine problem (the cocaine was a real shocker for me). I never was able to reach him and finally had to walk away to take care fo me.

The other more recent bf subtley would take blame sometimes when things were ok (I kept thinking he was trying to tell me something - like he knew he had a problem communicating/treating women), but then he'd go right back to doing the same thing. The push/pull was unbearable. He had an alcohol problem ... and I recently learned he is like this with everyone.

Unfortunately we are just in the line of their target sometimes ... and I sometimes think the closer we get to them, the more emotionally unstable they become. Try to stay strong and stable, and know it's their problem to work on ... my advise would be to let her know you love her, but that it's not ok to treat you like that. Even if you did do something, talking down at you like that is NOT OK!

Stay strong, my friend,

Angel4U

March 14, 2005
1:04 pm
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CODA_Mom
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hey mosher,

You need to sit down, take a few deep breaths and relax. Okay? Okay.

What you just described to me sounds as if someone (your girlfriend?) has (A) terrific mood swings (bipolar, BPD or PMS) (B) is addicted to drama (can't stand calmness for too long), (C) has ADHD, (D) is using a substance or (E) just loves getting a reaction out of you.

Whenever someone close to us changes "for no reason" you can't just sit back and start blaming yourself...chances are you have nothing to do with it (unless you have any of the things, above, too, except for the PMS).

I know you really care for this girl, but to be honest, how much more of this drama can you handle? You are at an age when you need to be thinking about your future, what future will you have being in this relationship? Try to follow this train of thought through...what would you be like in 2 years? 5 years?

You sounds like a caring, sensitive young man...and personally, there are plenty of girls who would give their eye teeth for a guy like you. Don't limit yourself to "The Young and the Restless" drama queen. I know you're not perfect, but you deserve better.

Regards,
CM

March 14, 2005
2:04 pm
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addicts wife
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Mosher,
CodaMom brought up some really good points that didnt even occur to me from all your other posts...
She is appearing to be very hot or cold. Like a switch.
Thats not somethng you can "fix" or walk on eggshells hoping, praying that nothingwill set her off IF you say the rigjt thing, do something.
It's Not you, honey.
You have been very supportive, made your own mistakes,and done Wonderfully at growing, learning, and moving on from them, yet she is still all over the place.
take some deep breaths, breath breath breath, and allow yourself ot see that it is not you, anything you said or did.
I know how much you care about her,and I hope and pray that you care about yourself as much.
I fee lyour pain, i truly relate to what youre decribing.
I hope you are doing okay today....
(((((((((((big hug))))))))))))))))))))
~AW

March 14, 2005
2:49 pm
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mosher1yr
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Aw....its so hard i love this girl with all my heart i cant stop thinking of her, they always say it can only get better, i just hope it is with her, its hard not it read into something when they say they love you. i love her and i will keep taking the beating because i keep thinking she will come back and she did once then ran away again for no reason and she really is confusing me.....it has to be my fault i messed up again>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

March 14, 2005
2:54 pm
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angel4U
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Mosher,

I sometimes find it helpful to step outside of my own situation and look at from another's point of view as it helps take the emotion out of it, and put logic back in.

If you were to do so, what would you see ... looking at you and your behavior, and then her and her behavior?

Angel4U

March 14, 2005
3:01 pm
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addicts wife
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Mosher,
at this point..
I totally, sincerely cannot see any rhyme or reason for a shred of this being your "fault"

She is confused, Not that stable (apparently) and Icant see wanted to say on such a mean roller coaster not knowing if it will ever stop, or be a smooth ride.
it looks like youre being taken advantage of, taken for granted, and unappreciated.
I fee lyour pain, I truly do.. youve become my friend through all these posts, and I hate to see this keep happening, and escalating, when youve been working so hard on yourself, and shown so much growth.
(((((((((((((99999big hugs)))))))))

Id be starting to get angry with her for treating you so poorly, when youve Obviously compromised, sacrificed, and done so much for her.
You have learned a lot through this, yes,adn that is wonderful, But It hurts me to see you hurting so much when all you did was be there.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
~AW

March 14, 2005
3:04 pm
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kathygy
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Its probably not your fault. Your girlfriend sounds very emotionally unstable. I wouldn't expect that to change anytime soon. She needs helpa nd has a lot of issues that have nothing to do with you. Even if she comes back to you you can be sure she will leave again and again with you in constant torture. Do you want that?
Let this girl go. She's very destructive for you and will only cause you pain.

March 14, 2005
7:29 pm
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woundedspirit
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Mosher, did something happen to trigger it? What did you start fighting about? OUt of the blue?

March 15, 2005
10:11 am
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addicts wife
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Mosher....
How are you Today????
thinking of you~
~AW

March 15, 2005
11:23 am
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mosher1yr
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When you love somebody its changes the relationship so much, i like i moved fast when truely i did go slow just not slow enough. I guess i have to do this again and leave her alone. I thought we were slowly getting somewhere but somehow i scared her away, but she said i love you not me she kissed me she came and saw me i never onced asked for any of that but somehow its my fault, i guess i called to much. i dont know what do i do im not just going to let her go thats out of the question she loves me she told me i just think she wanted to get back into it but i moved to quick

March 15, 2005
11:45 am
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angel4U
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Mosher,

Saying "I moved too fast" is subjective - and truly depends on a person's perception. You even kind of allude to that by saying: "i like i moved fast when truely i did go slow just not slow enough."

Slow enough for who?

The point I am trying to make is we all see things differently ... through our own eyes and mostly based on our experiences and what feels ok to us. That's why it truly takes 2 people to make a relationship work, and it takes good communication.

Did she ever come out and ask you to please slow down and if so, did she clearly state what she meant by that?

If so, and you did not, then you did not respect her boundaries and I can understand you feeling bad about it. (But please don't beat yourself up, we all have our own ways of thinking that sometimes just aren't always in tune with someone else's .. and WE ALL make mistakes).

If she was not clear about what she wanted from you, then it was not your job to read her mind. You did what you felt was the right thing to do and that's it. All anyone could do in this situation, especially since she will not maturely talk about it, is to let it go.

Does this make sense to you?

March 15, 2005
11:52 am
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addicts wife
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Honey, you are not supposed to be a mind reader...
you are allowed ot have your own convictions, You are entitled to have your opinions given respect, and consideration,
You have a right to not be required to justify their behavior to others.

Please dont beat yourself up.
Give yourself a break...
keep venting if you need too.
Know you are a worthy person, and Not the enemy.
(((((((((((((big bear hug)))))))))))))
~AW

March 15, 2005
2:17 pm
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mosher1yr
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Its just i worked so hard to get where i was and suddenly it was all thrown away and i really dont know why, was she scared, should i just leave her alone for awhile im not giving up on her i love her alot aw nobody understands that......

March 15, 2005
2:37 pm
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jamaicanwife
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You seem to be a very intense person. What do you do with that energy? If it is all focused on this young lady, perhaps she might find it a bit overwhelming. What activities are you involved in? What are your hobbies? We all need to have a variety of outlets for our energy so that we can be balanced in the attention we give to the various areas of our lives. You are still in school, so I am sure that you have exams, and a whole host of activities available to you. Try to focus at least some of your energy away from this relationship. It will be healthier for you.

March 15, 2005
3:26 pm
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addicts wife
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Mosher,
I understand that, I do, Ive been there w/ my husband....
Maybe just leave her some "space" for a while and try to wait for her to contact you... She may be scared, Confused, and unsure f what she wants /needs, despite her feelings.
She may need time to sort it al out.
Im so sorry you are hurting 🙁
hang in there.
(hug))))))))))~AW

March 15, 2005
4:04 pm
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woundedspirit
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I HATE when I think things are going good and we're making progress and then WHAM! Out of the blue he's suddenly ignoring me and being mean again. Its soooo confusing and hurtful!! Typically Ive found with my ex that those are the times he is getting together with someone else. And then when they fight, he's back to being nice to me. Not been a good cycle. All you can do though is all you can do. Your best. Your trying. She has to be willing and ready to meet you on it though. Its so hard not to take it personally but sometimes you have to step back and let things play out. I agree that keeping busy with a hobby or friends might be a good idea as a distraction. You know, hurt and broken trust have alot of layers to it and sometimes, when you peel those away and think your able to get over it, sometimes out of the blue it does sneak back up on you and maybe thats whats happening with her and those feelings of hurt and betrayel snuck up on her again. Trust is really so hard to regain and really it can be a real roller coaster trying to learn to trust again. Your doing all you can and then some. Not many are willing to go to the efforts you are to rebuild that so hang in there!

March 16, 2005
11:32 am
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mosher1yr
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I checked my email yesterday and their was an email form her in their, the email was almost like an apology/explanation for what was going on but i really dont understand what she needs, I care alot and i told her in the email that maybe when just need some time away and to just think about alot of stuff, she said she missed the old me and i told her that she wont let me be the old me she never gives me the chance to. I dont know what she is going to do or what she is thinking but i pourd alot into that email not a bunch of crap to scare just honesty you know aw.....

March 16, 2005
12:56 pm
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addicts wife
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AW...
Well, the fact that she is emailing you after her "eruption" Is a sign that(to me) that she is confused and unsure about a lot and perhaps doesnt know why, or what.
It was sweet of you ro respond, Wonderful to be honest, andopen , yet still careful no to scare her away...
May be you both need more time???

Sorry i want here earlier (been pukey sick all morning)

Hang i nthere!!!
🙂
~AW

March 16, 2005
1:15 pm
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GullyFoyle
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Hey mosher,

Haven't talked to you in a while. I am glad to see that you two are kinda talking. Well, it appears that she is talking and you are trying to communicate. You know what I mean? It sounds like you are being honest and open and it is confusing her. I haven't been watching your threads that much, but the tone of your postings seem more settled and centered. Good for you!

What I meant by confusing her is that you probably seem to be taking care of your feelings and she is still working on her issues. In some of the guy things on this site, I will admit that I am a little out of my area. I have never pursued a woman, so to speak. My "dating" experience is minimal. I have always seemed to have developed GFs and such from friendships that I develop. So what I mean is, with me, it sort of just happened? Is that right? We became friends and then maybe started go out alone. I would then be all romantic and shit. If they liked it, well, we kept at it. If it just didn't click, and that happened a lot, I just went my separate way. Which is why I don't give much dating/pursuit suggestions.

I just believe in the basics. Be honest, be truthful, be an honorable man and try to have fun. Though I haven't always been that way. and now, much later in my life, I am going to have to start that all over.

But you seem to be getting it together, standing up for yourself, being honest with yourself and her. You are most definitely moving in the right direction. Don't change for someone else. Which I think you said in that last post. That you don't want to change for her. Be yourself. Caring and honest and fully human. It appears that is what she liked in the first place. But like all people, we sometimes try to change someone into the idea of what we think we want and/or we change into something we aren't, to please someone else. The basics of codependence.

But like I said, you seem more confident, more centered, more understanding of yourself and her in your posts.

Take care.

Gully

March 16, 2005
2:18 pm
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mosher1yr
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Wow things are so confussing at times with you and i try so hard not to assume things and try and act like i know her, i know her but i want to be careful because sometime nowing what i want and knowing what she wants can be so confussing and over lapping, i miss her, i am curious to go homme and read her email and see the tone she is in today, she says she misses the old me well then why wont she give me the chance to be that person and am me but in a better way i have learned so much with her and from here that i would be the same physicaly but alot changed emotionlly you know what im saying aw....help me to understand what she miss by missing the old me and why she wont let me try and do that??????????

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