Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Morals
June 11, 2006
12:25 pm
Avatar
codep
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I always thought that I had morals b/c I always "knew" right from wrong, but it never stopped me from actually doing it. I felt bad for cheating on my ex husband, so much that I left the relationship. I felt bad for sleeping with married men but not as much as I should have, I figured it was they the ones that were married so it was their issue to deal with not mine.
Do morals keep you from doing things you shouldn't? or do they make you feel bad for doing it? I dont know if I even have these things called morals or where to begin to find them........

June 11, 2006
12:38 pm
Avatar
codep
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok I did some research and found this;

Morals! This is an interesting subject; I believe that morals are rules that society itself has established and follows. Morals values are indeed very useful. They can help a person distinguish right from wrong or negative behavior that can hurt others whether emotionally or physically. Some examples of these rules are “is not okay to cheat on the husband or wife” or “not taking the life of another person” etc.

However, moral values are sometimes used to judge others. I believe that we have all gone thru situations where our actions or decisions are seen as immoral to others or for society in general. The problem with morals is that it differs from person to person and not only that, moral values may change for the convenience or necessity of a person at any given time. What do I mean by this? Let’s say a hard working family man believes stealing is wrong. But, one day he loses his job and has no money to buy them food. No one would loan him money or give him food. So, he makes the hard decision to steal food from the grocery store in order to feed his family. Another person that learns about his behaviors thinks how immoral or wrongful the man’s actions are. While the once hard working man that now steals is concerned with feeding his children and believe that his reason for stealing is justifiable.

We all have our beliefs and values based on our own background, culture, experiences, etc. And in my opinion this is okay. However, let’s not be too fast or harsh when judging others. Imagine what it would be like to walk down their spine and if you cannot picture it, it is okay! But let’s be respectful and understanding with one another.

So I know that it's "morally wrong" to cheat on your spouse because it emotionally hurts them So why have I done it?
Because I didn't really care about the relationship or that I hurt him?

June 11, 2006
2:48 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Codep

Look up 'values'. This may lead you to a clearer search into your self discovery.

Morals, values and ethics are things which laws are based on; the law of our country, personal guideance and speiritual maps to how we lead our lives.

Yes, one can go against what we personnally believe. This causes much diress and guilt when we sway against our personal values and mores. (mores; not a typo, you can look that defintion up. Pronnounced; more-ayes).

Best wishes on your quest,

Sew

June 11, 2006
4:07 pm
Avatar
codep
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you Sew ((()))

June 11, 2006
5:02 pm
Avatar
tiedupinknots
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This is good. Why do we do what we do or feel the way we feel? Did you really not care about your husband or the relationship or were you addicted to these feelings/these emotions? Affairs release very exciting hormones or so I've heard. Never had one myself but sure been on the receiving end of the negative emotions my husbands affair created. Why did I respond with such anger? betrayal? etc. Was it because my pride was hurt? Why do we get angry? Because we don't get our way? Are we like little children having temper tantrums? Do we feel these people owe us something? that we owe them something?

Can anyone tell me why they think they feel the way they do? I'd like to explore this more as I don't really understand why I feel how I do. I think I have abandonment issues so is it all fear? fear of being alone? is it all primitive stuff? You need strong man around to protect you so it is bad to be alone?

June 11, 2006
6:20 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Codep - We all make mistakes. Please forgive yourself and pat yourself on the back for your honesty and transparency. It takes so much courage and bravery to confess and I am so proud of you and I believe that YOU ROCK!!!!

The bottom line is to get up and realize your past mistakes and turn a new white page from now on and be determined to never repeat past mistakes.

In addition, in order to complete your healing process: Can you write down and journal the name of all the people you have hurt in your past and call them up and ask them for forgiveness? That would help you a lot thru your healing/recovery process and would even eccelerate it.

Blessings, Ras~

June 12, 2006
6:10 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Morals? Well, I think the 10 Commandments are a good start. So is the "Golden Rule" (do unto others, as you would have them do unto you). It is impossible to have a successful, functioning society without moral standards. When the morals of a society collapse, the society ultimately collapses (e.g., the Roman Empire, The Third Reich (Nazi Germany), etc.)

June 12, 2006
6:15 pm
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Strong,

That really is the golden rule, it covers it all...do unto others...any time I've made a mistake and gone against my morals, any time anyone has hurt me...this rule would apply. I reckon if we keep that rule in mind it might help us not to make any mistakes and to see when others are treating us badly.

Thanks,
Rev.

June 12, 2006
7:42 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Codep, I know how you feel. Morals are so questioned. But we all make mistakes and above all we must be able to forgive ourselves for our own mistakes. I too slept with a married man and have felt the guilt of it for long time. I think I have been punished enough. For I still love him though he decided to do the right thing. I felt like he was the one for me. Yet he must do what it right, and I must do what is right too. And we will never see each other again. though I will always love him in my heart. I hope he is happy. And someday I will be happier too. I hope you can forgive yourself, because that it the first step. And you are good person, I know you from the site, and I think you will get past this. It is a struggle, I know, but hang in there and know that you have friends out there who do understand. luv TAJ

June 13, 2006
7:05 am
Avatar
codep
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for all the wonderful responses and support.
I know I have morals, If I didn't I wouldn't feel bad for the bad decisions that I make in my life and most importantly I wouldn't learn from them... ((HUGS))

June 13, 2006
3:46 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Morals are a standard to follow. Conscience is what keeps one from doing something they know is right or wrong. Practicing morals makes them a part of you. Don't give yourself excuses, and maybe write down which ones you want to follow.

June 13, 2006
4:00 pm
Avatar
Mardoll
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Having a sense of right and wrong is important.

("Morals" or "Ethics", I suppose, depends on what you think the consequences are, exactly. I've heard that Morals are in a religious context where Ethics are a secular context, but I don't know if that's actually how it's handled by, say, anthropologists.)

There are a couple of different things that contribute significantly to the picture, however, and Morals/Ethics is only one of them. Morals/Ethics are the internalized compass based on external lessons about what is acceptable and what is harmful to others.

There's also Empathy, which is itself two things - having a sense of how other people feel, and caring how they feel. (The fact that knowing and caring are sepparate is demonstrated clearly by the fact that folks with Aspergers often don't know, but care tremendously, wheras Sociopaths know quite well, and don't care much at all.)

And then there's Willpower - not just knowing and caring, but the ability to actually follow through in DOING what's right and NOT doing what's wrong even when it's not the path of least resistence.

Guilt and Shame are both emotional responses that manifest in response to having Morals, but not having the Willpower to do what's right. They're both negative reinforcement against doing wrong, however - neither will tell you what's right.

What a lot of people miss is that without positive reinforcement to encourage the good, a lot of people lose their ability to differentiate between what's really right and wrong on an internal basis because they feel horrible either way.

So you need several things to stay on the path of Good, and it sounds like while your compass may have pointed you away from the wrong direction, it may not have pointed you in the right direction, and you may not have had the Willpower to follow through.

These things can all be worked on, but it's important to know what was actually wrong, so you don't beat yourself up for something you were getting right, and fail entirely to address what actually needs attention.

Willpower is boosted by the aforemention positive reinforcement. By practicing doing the good things instead, and feeling the positive response to getting things right, it becomes easier and easier to find the wherewithal to keep doing the good things and avoiding the things that make us feel guilty.

June 13, 2006
4:28 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Mardoll, thank you very much for your post on morals. It was enlightening for me and especially the last paragraph. I think it is important to realize that you can change. Avoiding things that make us feel guilty really stands out for me because of lot of choices that I struggle with, come out of guilt. And guilt is something I am struggling to overcome. So thanks again for your strong words.

June 13, 2006
5:23 pm
Avatar
Mardoll
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Taj - it's important to focus on the positive. If you simply try to avoid the negative, you won't necessarily have a better idea where it's GOOD to go. That is, unless you line your view with so many negatives that the positive path becomes very narrow...

Yes, it's great to overcome guilt, but the path isn't just to avoid the bad, it's to **follow the good**.

Find your joy and follow it.

June 13, 2006
9:15 pm
Avatar
tiedupinknots
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"your truth may not be the same as other people's truth. The only wrong is when youdo not honor your truth and when you accept what is true for another even though it is not true for you. Whatever belief you hold, it is important that you honor it and be open to new ways of seeing things if they create more joy in your life."
Living with Joy Sanaya Roman

June 16, 2006
1:36 pm
Avatar
tomgirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This topic spoke to me about morals codep I never judge people but I truely always examine myself what if this or that should I or should'nt I .I beleive in God an the bible an God hates divorce but I am leaveing my husband .I have'nt told my pastor or anyone an am probably gonna be judged by others nobody knows how I've been living .I am taking the blame for our seperation I could'nt obey my husband sexaul abuse ....

June 16, 2006
3:30 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

tomgirl -

I am a chaplain, an ordained Christian minister with my local Police Department. I want to reaassure you that it is NOT wrong to leave a husband who is physically or sexually abusing you, or emotionally abusing you to the point where your health and well-being begin to be affected. When a husband does these things, he is BREAKING COVENANT with you, in the same way that adultery is breaking covenant. You are certainly free to leave. God will not judge you for it. Nor should anyone else.

Be at peace.

- Strong

June 16, 2006
4:11 pm
Avatar
tomgirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Stronginhim77 thankyou so much for what you said God is the most important in my life.I just wanta please God so much he is the love of my life.Our church is very small an I bring alot of children to church an want to reach the lost I am a soul winner for Jesus.I've been delivered from drugs and drinking for 11 years.I know his power an love I am blessed no matter what I know that I am tested daily .My question is he never cheated on me what I mean by sexaul abuse an emotional abuse is not touching me or haveing intimacy even when I cry an ask him,I've lived like this for 11 years I do'nt wanta divorce because God hates divorce right.I wanta seperation because I still have hope an my heavenly father is incontroll but the fighting is affecting my kids spirit an mine.I can't hide anymore an put on my smile an act like nothings wrong ,talk to me please I need advice

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
30
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714213
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer