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Monday night crew
September 12, 2005
10:19 pm
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22haha
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Good evening all. So, I have been spending time with the bf and things seem to be going well. We are talking more, laughing more and having a good time together. However, it always seems like there is an underlying tension in the air. I really think it is just me. I don't think he would have a clue what I meant if I said that. I try so hard not to think of the past but its like every place, every song, every person, every date reminds me of something. So, while I am somewhat happy I am still somewhat lost.

The other thing is... he was offered by work to be sent to Louisisana to help out. While I know this is sooo important I feel like I am being rediculously selfish when the first thought that came to mind is "oh, you would miss your therapy session that you waited 3 months to get" Gosh, I hate myself for even thinking so selfishly. I don't know that he will go to Louisiana but honestly, if he misses his appt. I would really have to re-evaluate if I could stay with him. People don't change on their own and he knows he needs help. Thanks for listening. It helps just to vent.

September 12, 2005
10:25 pm
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haha, I have a question--are there other forms of help available to him or JUST therapy? He could be going to support groups and reading up, there is no reason to rely SOLEY upon therapy for help and just sit on your hands until it is available...

You really are thinking outside of yourself, good for you. I know that when I feel unsure in my relationships, concidering anyone else has at times been impossible before my daughter came along.

September 12, 2005
10:44 pm
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22haha
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EF- We are both new to this therapy thing. Neither of us have gone yet. We both made appts 3 months ago to see this group of Doctors that were highly recommended. Well, for me it is easy - I know another way of living, I know better ways of being. So, I have been reading books and been here for help. For the bf who has many issues he is just still learning to admit he has a problem. It took him 40yrs to admit that. So for him, he thinks going to a therapist is the first step. He think by me saying to get a book that it is useless that he needs "real help" and a book isn't going to offer him the help he needs. I get frustrated, but at this point the appt is only a few weeks away and I am not going to control what he does. I did bring him a book that I had at my house - if he reads it great, if not, thats his choice. What else can I do without feeling like I am trying to "help him"

September 12, 2005
10:53 pm
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exoticflower
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Well, he could start with a different therapist, a support group, something to just get his foot in the door...but I can see where it is a pickle with not wanting to 'help him'. I've heard something in Alanon, "god help me to love their best and never fear their worst"...there's a woman in my group whos spouse refuses help, has for yours, and she swears that little prayer carries her through sometimes. She switches it up to "and to not take part in their worst" when things are really bad.

September 12, 2005
11:01 pm
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Shaney
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Hey 22 - Just for the record, I saw yesterdays posts and saw you and Neshilicious talking about me. Yes, we ate the cake and it was fine - it wasn't quite green yet - but close. And yes, I'm extremely jealous that you won the basket with the free wine, what whino wouldn't be? And finally, I will wrestle your little noodle bod any day of the week. Other than all that, how the heck are you my little cupcake? I see that you're impersonating neshie tonight Miss Mon.Nite.Cru - glad you started it - I wonder where she is? She's probably knee deep in dove bars right now. I'm playing with you... you seem happy 2nite.

September 12, 2005
11:02 pm
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Neshema
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hi, gang!

September 12, 2005
11:03 pm
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22haha
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EF - thanks. I do think that he will go to his appt. I just have such little faith that he will be able to change his ways of thinking/being. I mean, really, 40 years of doing the same thing wrong and some dr. is going to reverse that? I guess I am just hoping that he now realizes that I am somewhat stronger and I am not letting him push me around. he has his appt. and I know he knows that if he breaks it - I am not sticking around. He seems genuinely interested in the appt. but nothing in the meantime. He did say he would read the book I brought over - bt if angers me that he isn't talking the initiative on his own. I should be happy that he is even going to the therapist at this point. When he goes do you know what they will do at his first visit?

September 12, 2005
11:07 pm
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22haha
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Shaney, Nesh - hi so glad you are here.

Nesh - are you feeling more relaxed tonight? Seems like you were real anxious last night. Hows the promotion going?

Shaney - I am happy tonight but unsure of my future still. Why do I always focus on the future? I can never be happy for the moment. I keep thinking of marriage and kids and that I aint gettin any younger!!! How are you? What ever happened with the thieves? Did ya catch em?

September 12, 2005
11:08 pm
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Shaney
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Those firemen are a tough bunch to conquer. Mine is acting up right now and I'm not real happy with him either - but he's sleeping so he's easy to ignore until tomorrow.

Hi Neshirama.

September 12, 2005
11:11 pm
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22haha
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Acting up? What is he doing? I don't like to hear that you aren't happy. I loove it when they are sleeping or working. Makes life easy. Whats the deal? Mine is out with the guys watching monday night football.

September 12, 2005
11:20 pm
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See... this is what pisses me off... I just called the bf to say good night, who is out with the guys watching the game (I was invited but said no thanks). I said "where are you" and he names a strip club (to be funny). I don't find it funny. He said "L, you know where I am, I told you where we were going" So then I say who are you with and he says... double d's. I say "I don't know what that means but I am going to go now." He says, "L, lighten up, Dave and Dan". See.. to him he is being funny and to me.. it just pisses me off. He asked if I was coming out and I said no. Should I let this aggrevate me or am I being petty?

September 12, 2005
11:20 pm
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exoticflower
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Haha, at an intake apointment he will answer a questionair thing, about family of origin, his own history, what he feels his charactor strengths and weaknesses are, what areas in his life he has expreianced difficulty in, alergies, medical history, mental health history, a brief personality assesment, things like that. they are all fairly specific questions designed, it seems to me, to draw their own conclusions about things with some background info, not just saying "so, you a pretty upstanding guy?". they will go over a lot of the answers that stand out more or less in a treatment plan as being issues to work on durring the meet and greet to find out more about what they are dealing with. It was the most refreshing thing I ever did in my life, it was great to just hand it over to someone else, someone trained where I was clueless and scared for so long. But he sounds like he may be more resistant, again let me remind you "they're professionals". They can help, that's their job, and without hurting him. He has problems, they want to help, and they know how. He isn;t a bad guy and if they see he's guarded, they are going to respect that I think...it's for him, not to fix him or condition him, but to help him.

I LOVE therapy, can you tell? I would marry therapy if I could and we would make little heathy babies togeather. Maybe just a nice therapist who wants to work around the clock...mmmm.

September 12, 2005
11:22 pm
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Shaney
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He hardly drinks, which is great - it doesn't agree with him. But I came home and there a beer cans all over the house and he's sh*tfaced and talking on the phone. Those fire guys have about ten thousand friends and they're on the phone 23 out of 24 hours a day. None of that's the problem though. We have our "division of chores" - things that each of us are responsible for - my load of course is WAY heavier - and I have no complaints until he's off for his eight days and he sits on his ass, not doing any of them. I can't stand it, so I start picking his messes up, and getting more and more pissed by the second, because he's just sitting there watching me while he talks on the phone all sh*tfaced. It's agrivating. So he gets off and tries to make me laugh because he knows I'm pissed - it only makes me sicker - and I'm repulsed by him anyway becasue he hasn't done a thing and is just sitting in the middle of this giant mess with a smile on his face. AAAAARGH

I wish I could just let crap lay around, but I can't. So I feel like he's taking advantage of me, and taking me for granted by not doing his part. I don't know, it's lame - but irritating.

September 12, 2005
11:22 pm
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exoticflower
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Roll your eyes, I think. You are a woman, no need to be intimidated by immaturity when he is choosing to be a boy instead of a man.:)

September 12, 2005
11:23 pm
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Hey, all.

Yes, men are at their most adorable when they are sleeping.

Is this thread still active tonight?

Just wanted to say hello.

love,
ella

September 12, 2005
11:25 pm
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22haha
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EF - you are funny. We should all marry therapy it seems. I am worried that he will not open up in therapy. I guess we'll just wait and see. He was sent home a 10-12 page health/mental history sheet. I am curious to see how he fills it out. I haven't gotten that in the mail yet but I guess all Dr.s do thing differnetly. I am a bit nervous for my first appt. because I am not sure really what i want to say or what is wrong with me.

September 12, 2005
11:28 pm
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Shaney
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Hi mzrella -

It's a blessing that he's asleep right now - if he's really asleep. He's probably pretending to be asleep so he doesn't have to do his chores. What a brat he can be. He's about 95% wonderful, and 5% turd.

September 12, 2005
11:29 pm
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22haha
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Shaney - o.k. I see your aggrivation. Don't clean his mess.. let him do it. You haven't had 8 days off to loaf around. Let him get up tomorrow (hung over or not) and do his part. If you do it now, he'll always think you are going to. Let the mess lie where it is and leave him a note that it better be cleaned up by whatever time you get home tomorrow. Then, shave his eyebrows. Kidding.

Ella - hi. I'm, still here.

September 12, 2005
11:32 pm
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Shaney
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That kills me 22! I'd shave em right off if it would make a big difference - he's blond and they don't stand out that much anyway. I'm peeing my pants right now laughing.

You hoooooo - Nesh?

September 12, 2005
11:38 pm
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22haha
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Shaney - I just want to be childish sometimes. Hope you are relaxing instead of cleaning. I'm glad he is 95% good - hell I'd take 9% + 5% good. You just stop worrying that pretty little head of yours. Go hop in bed with him and annoy the heck out of him. Thats what I would do!!

September 12, 2005
11:47 pm
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Wow. 95 is a very good grade! 🙂

September 12, 2005
11:51 pm
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22haha
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Good night all. Must sleep even though I am a bit annoyed now. I'll just chalk it up to being with the boys and being stupid. Almost like he said it in front of them to make than laugh even thought he knew it would piss me off. Gosh, wish I could get at his brows right now. Neshie - you better be taking a hot bath or pampering yourself or something other than work!!

September 13, 2005
12:07 am
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Shaney
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Night 22 - sleep tight. He was just showing off - no worries - his eyebrows will be there tomorrow.

mz - 95 most of the time - it's been a lot lower in the past, but he seems to get better and better, so I keep him.

I'm going to bed but I'll talk at you all tomorrow. Blessings :O)

September 13, 2005
12:16 am
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Neshema
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ok I am here now...was talking to the gay bf

September 13, 2005
12:16 am
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Neshema
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I am SOOOO frustrated!!!!!!!!!!

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