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"mom, I injure myself" what's the best way?
November 2, 2005
8:23 pm
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loverbee
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Hello terri, I too used to be a cutter but haven not done it in almost 7 years. I didn't go on antidepressants, actually went away to a theraputic boarding school for troubled teens. I understand that prozak can make you lethargic and lazy which actually, I have heard can screw up your sleeping habits. Just out of curiosity, how old are you? The school I went to when I was 16 saved my life. There are other ways but stick with therapy, keep a journal(that always helped me) and give the meds a chance. I am not a huge fan of prozak because it makes you gain weight which can screw u up even more, but if it works for you than definitely stick with it. Also, if there is something you don't like about it, talk to your doctor and your mom. There are plenty of other meds, but I am glad you aren't cutting. I know it feels really good to do sometimes, but really, you don't deserve that. You should really be proud of yourself for quitting. It was very hard for me, but I am grateful everyday that I quit. Keep loving yourself.

Loverbee

November 16, 2005
12:12 pm
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Terri88
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I'm 17, I'll turn 18 January 6th.
I still haven't really done anything, I cut my left Ankle 2 times but I made sure not to continue.
My mom only knows that I cut my arms she doesn't check anywhere else. I may move to my Grandma's, my mom thinks maybe if I sort of get away from home drama.
I have a session on Friday, the 18th.

November 16, 2005
12:16 pm
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Giggles_29
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Terri, i am sorry to hear that you are hurting yourself. I am glad to hear that you have a session coming up though. Do you have alot going on at home? Do you have anybody to talk to? I cannot imagine the pain you are going through but i would like you to know you are not alone. There are so many caring people on this website. Please keep coming back and updating. GOOD LUCK !! @--]---- Giggles

November 16, 2005
12:20 pm
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Anonymous
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Dear cyber friend, don't do that. I feel like hurting myself sometimes. I even tried to kill myself. In the end I felt more alone and lost than ever. Keep talking to us. hugs

November 16, 2005
12:24 pm
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gayle
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Terri- I my best friend was a cutter and through therapy and some meds he was able to find a way to deal with his feelings and express them and he doesn't do it anymore. I hope you are able to find the peace you seek.

November 16, 2005
2:52 pm
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Anonymous
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Terri, how are you doing? How is your grandmother? Is she warm towards you?

Can you find a therapist to help? I'm wondering if you would like to get your inside pain onto those cuts, put some bandaid on them and move on, but it isnt happening. If I start picking on myself, peeling every dry piece of skin I find, I know Im nervous.

Im also very depressed right now. I need to beef up my earnings and Im resisting to increase my work hours or number of ESL students. Im in South America. So Im trying to find out why I feel helpless and yet am so capable as per degrees, certificates. My parents are deceased but I know all I could get from them besides (love as they knew it) is what they gave me when alive. If they're were here I'd get some of the same, if not some senseless speech from my father if drunk, or a downer speech from my mom is depressive.

Sometimes we arent prepared for what we have to face. I'm getting to learn as I go. My mom made sure her girls didn't learn how to cook and learned a profession. Well, the other two are doing better. Maybe I'd do better too if I hadn't divorced but who knows. If I had a partner or children, they might be an extra burden to me.

So hang in there. Tell me if you have a therapist or a 12 step program which are great. Maybe you can help me too. I have to change therapists, I want a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist - he doesn't seem to get me. He even lowered the depression medication, I think Im fooling him besides myself. Ive been on med's since my parents died but I have yet to understand how I got here. Med's alone dont do it. Not to blame anyone, just to name it and to tame it, as someone said here.

December 7, 2005
8:46 am
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Terri88
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I have a councelor appointment today at 4, I'm on 20 mg prozac, I haven't cut since the time I cut my left ankle, my mom knows now I cut in other places, she hasn't checked me though since my last appointment,I have done a few things like bite my lip and now I have a sore, and also I have pulled my hair in one spot and now I have a bald area 🙁 I really hate that I did that but as long as nobody can see it I guess it's fine and one night I sat on the floor in my room repeatedly punching glass from a picture frame, my hand bled a little and my knuckles hurt a few days after but It's fine now.I reall don't want to talk about this stuff later today, I don't want them to know that I'm still hurting myself. but maybe it'll just come out, I don't know though, anyway thanks everybody for your comments.

December 7, 2005
9:45 am
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Sophie3012
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You need to talk to someone about the way that your feeling, what's still troubling you. It must have took alot for you to come this far and well done for it but I have also self harmed but I stopped completley by myself a year and half ago yeah some days I think what's the point but than I think to myself is it really going to stop how I'm feeling inside, that hurt feeling realised that for me it didn't. Hope you will be alright stay strong.

December 7, 2005
12:18 pm
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gayle
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Terri- You are taking a big step by even talking about what you are doing. From past experiences with this, I can tell you that this is rooted in something else and is a by product of abuse, usually. If you are able to deal with and talk about that then it will help you to not need the cutting or hurting your self. The thing is, talking about it is so hard. I am here for you honey. Keep posting.

December 7, 2005
3:33 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I am so glad you are seeking help hunny. Just keep it up sweetie and thank you so much for checking in.we all care about you here.

December 8, 2005
7:33 pm
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Anonymous
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I'm glad to see you back. I assume youre still living with your grandma but you said your mom didnt check you... was she visiting? I know you havent settled all your troubles (we come here to helpe and be helped) but do you feel safer living with your grandma? Does your grandma appreciate when you do sanything for her, like putting dishes away, keeping your home clean? Do like to help out or do you feel as if youre getting in the way? There are quite a few things you can talk to your therapist about. To start with your safety and comfort.

Maybe you wont get a immediate response but Ill check on you again. All the best and may you keep yourself surrounded by good thoughts.

hugs

January 4, 2006
12:27 pm
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Terri88
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I may have to go to a hospital for a while, if I do I'll have slim chances of graduating high school, my mom says I'm stupid, and she told my dad, and my brother knows, and so does another cousin...I think the holiday break was crap, also, 2 of my pets got hit by 2 seperate cars at the same time, they both live and seem to be fine, anyway I'm really busy with stuff now just figured I'd give a quit stop by.

January 8, 2006
6:15 pm
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Randomwomen2
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thank you for checking in. Your mom is wrong for calling you stupid. I believe that you are very intelegent. Just because you have thoughts of hurting yourself does not make you stupid. It is something that we can learn from though. You have been through a lot. I hope you will have a better year this year. You desrive it.

Love
Julie

January 8, 2006
6:29 pm
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strugglinmama
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You hurt yourself because you felt such intense hurt that you had to shut feeling off. In order to feel you cut yourself. Please get help and try to get someone to intervene with you family so they understand that you are suffering. What I have learned from my experiences is that is is difficult ot change other people, but it is totally possible to change you. Take care of yourself. Get some help so you can get your pain out and feel again. it won't be easy, but you have a whole life ahead of you that can be happy and healthy. Beat this! You have it in you!

January 8, 2006
7:40 pm
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fae
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has a mom of a self abuser i just want you to know that you are loved and cared about.We as parents sometimes dont know how to handle things.we get really scared and frightened at the thought of OUR child hurting themselfs.

January 10, 2006
8:16 am
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Terri88
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Okay, January 6th (my 18th birthday) we decided to stop therapy, and I'm not taking my pills, if I do cut myself enough and my mom sees it then I'll go to the ER then be admitted to the hoapital I'll stay in there until they think I'm better. Last night Kerri (my twin sister) was acting all bitchy then somehow I came up and we were in our room alone and she started saying things like, I wish you'd just go slit your wrists and your throat, and she was saying a bunch of stuff and she even said "I know how mom feels." She wouldn't stop and I just tried telling her that she wasn't serious but she wouldn't quit and I started getting teary and then Kerri looked and started smiling and was like "I wasn't serious, I was just kidding Terri, are you about to cry?" I just said "no" but then I couldn't hold it so I just hid myface and cried, Kerri was on her bed saying she was kidding and that she doesn't want me to kill myself. I just sat there not talking to her, and then she came over and took the blade from my hand ( I wasn't going to cut I was just putting it somewhere else to hide but I sat in the chair first to hear what she was saying) but she took it and got back on her bed. and later I got it back from her and hid it then layed on my bed and she went to the bathroom and I just cried a little more and later she came back and checked on what I was doing and she wanted to see my wrist but I wouldn't let her, I didn't cut but I didn't feel like talking to her. But I have to leave now I'm at school and I think I said most if not all.

January 12, 2006
7:13 am
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Sophie3012
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I'm 18 to Terri and have not begun to unrevel the mess I've put myself in I used to do the same thing but I stopped a year and a half ago without help I realised it was not going to stop the true hurt only for a bit that wasn't good enough for me.

January 12, 2006
3:29 pm
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growin4
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Hey Terri,

This is a very complicated time for you, but please don't cut or hurt yourself in any way.

You have to understand that you are worthy to be loved even if circumstances in your life have made you feel like you're not.

People in your life haven't been helping you feel very loved. It's all so complicated because everyone has junk that they need to deal with and we get distracted from what's important - like showing love to others.

I wonder if you've been able to label what has CAUSED the pain you're trying to feel by hurting yourself. You have to start letting yourself feel your emotions freely to get healthy. It was good that you were crying over what your sister said.

You know what? Sometimes people just start feeling starved for attention. I think she might have been trying to get some more for herself at your expense. Those were very cruel things to say and I bet, she didn't really mean them.

I want to make sure that I understood your last post completely.

Is this right?

You have been on medicine but you're not now.
Your therapy has been discontinued.
You are thinking about cutting yourself bad enough that your mom will have to take you to the ER where they will decide to admit you until you're better.

Did I get things straight or not?

I've read your posts and I know you want help. You've practically begged for it. Do you feel like you have received any at all yet?

I very much hope to hear from you sweetie. Let's talk.

TTYL, G4

January 24, 2006
12:29 pm
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Terri88
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I have only cut myself once, but I didn't want to do it enough to seriously hurt myself, I haven't cut like I used to but anyway I don't have much to say,

growin-4 I am not thinking about cutting myself in order to go to the ER but everything else you got was correct, and I am not sure if it helped or not, I know I don't cut much anymore, but maybe things will just need to pile up on me,

Earlier today some women that work in a program called campus or something came and talked to me because the principal pointed me out to her, and it's like a councelling thing except it isn't actually councelling, but I have a choice on whether or not I want to do it, I'm not sure though, it seems it'll be the same as before, but I'll have to wait a bit I guess. Anyway that's all I guess for now, thanks, and take care everybody.

January 24, 2006
8:10 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi I am not an expert but may i ask you a question? Is there Addiction in your family? Does one of your parents neglect you? I am asking because my son cuts himself too. I've learned that it is because he wants to feel. I tought him not to express his feeling well.

Counceling didnt' help him much. What is helping is a 12 step program such as CODA ALANON ALATEEN ACOA

January 24, 2006
9:19 pm
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skoopdoctaj
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I tried to cut myself before but I couldn't go through with it. it just hurt so damn much and I didn't want scars to go with the pain.
if you could, please share with me why you injure yourself to feel better. It doesn't seem completely unlogical but I wish I could understand more so I could do my best to aid you.

We're all here to listen to you.

January 24, 2006
9:35 pm
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luv2much
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DO THE ADULTS IN YOUR LIFE TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE AN ADULT? MY 13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS A CUTTER AND IT IS PROBABLY MY FAULT. I HAVE ALWAYS TREATED HER LIKE SHE WAS MORE GROWN THAN SHE IS, DUMPING MY PROBLEMS ON HER AND SUCH. SINCE I REALIZED SHE IS MY BABY NOT MY FRIEND SHE HAS STOPPED CUTTING.

January 25, 2006
2:28 pm
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Anonymous
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The Eight Styles of Controlling Parents ▪ Smothering ▪ Depriving ▪ Perfectionistic ▪ Cultlike ▪ Chaotic ▪ Using ▪ Abusing ▪ Childlike
Nearly all controlling parents embody one or more of the eight "styles" of controlling parenting. These styles provide a "You Are Here" point on the map of unhealthy control. Identifying your parents’ styles can help you make sense of what didn’t jibe in your family. Remember the series of lenses an eye doctor alternates before your eyes until you find ones that enable you to see most clearly? Recognizing your parents’ styles offers the right lens that brings into focus the underlying values and themes with which you were raised. The more clearly you view your family’s themes, the more readily you can become your own person. You may find elements of one or more of these styles present in either or both of your parents:
Smothering Terrified of feeling alone, Smothering parents emotionally engulf their children. Their overbearing presence discourages independence and cultivates a tyranny of repetition in their children’s identities, thoughts and feelings.
Depriving Convinced they will never get enough of what they need, Depriving parents withhold attention and encouragement from their children. They love conditionally, giving affection when a child pleases them, withdrawing it when displeased.
Perfectionistic Paranoid about flaws, Perfectionistic parents drive their children to be the best and the brightest. These parents fixate on order, prestige, power and/or perfect appearances.
Cultlike Distressed by uncertainty, Cultlike parents have to be "in the know," and often gravitate to military, religious, social or corporate institutions or philosophies where they can feel special and certain. They raise their children according to rigid rules and roles.
Chaotic Caught up in an internal cyclone of instability and confusion, chaotic parents tend toward mercurial moods, radically inconsistent discipline, and bewildering communication.
Using Determined never to lose or feel one-down, using parents emotionally feed off their children. Hypersensitive and self-centered, Using parents see others’ gains as their loss, and consequently belittle their children.
Abusing Perched atop a volcano of resentment, Abusing parents verbally or emotionally bully — or physically or sexually abuse — their children. When they’re enraged, Abusing parents view their children as threats and treat them accordingly.
Childlike Feeling incapable or needy, Childlike parents offer their children little protection. Childlike parents, woefully uncomfortable with themselves, encourage their children to take care of them, thereby controlling through role-reversal.
From If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Take Your Place in the World, published by HarperCollins Publishers. Copyright © 1999 Dan Neuharth, Ph.D.
I never knew that smothering was a form of control

April 13, 2006
12:15 pm
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Terri88
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I don't think I'm okay, I think over the summer I'm going to go back to the way I was. I just don't feel as good as I pretend to be.

I got a boyfriend but we broke up yesterday, he wants to go out with some 16 year old blonde, I honestly don't care, I'm going to graduate, I only need 1 elective credit, that'll be easy to get, and since I don't have the internet at home anymore, I'll never be on after school, I have only 19 days left, so I guess I'll attempt to be back here the last week, just to let you guys now what's up, I apoligize for not telling you guys much but anyway alot of you guys did make me feel better and helped me, I wish I could in someway stay in contact with you guys but, that's against the rules, but anyhow, I'll try to be back and leave a final entry, but anyways, farewell for now.

April 13, 2006
1:20 pm
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bel
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Hi Terri, I know you can get on the internet at the public libraries for an hour at a time I think and there is no cost.

Keep Well
Bel

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