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"mom, I injure myself" what's the best way?
June 27, 2005
5:42 am
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Terri88
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Okay...
It started when I was 13. Maybe it actually startedbefore that. I can remember hurting myself since I was 9 but I think I have done things before. 13 was the first time I actually picked up a blade and put it through my skin and made myself bleed.
and at the age of 15 I burned my right wrist.
I only burned myslef the one time for a year. I still cut myself and then later I burned myself again on my left arm further up from my wrist. I decided that was it. I cut myself to much and that it was doing no good. I stopped but a few days later. I heard my family out in the living room. My dad was talking about a girl he knew that cut herself. I don't know why but I got all nerved up and I cut myself alot. 37 times. not the most ever at the same time but they were deeper than the ones before and after I stopped myself from making a 38th cut I burned my self below my other burn.
I stopped. I didn't want to do it again. I figured that was the "big finale" I never told anybody until. I met a 21 yr. old on a website. I couldn't hold in the need for burning or cutting so I told her. It helped. while it lasted. a few weeks later I burned myself. this time though with candle wax so it left no permanent marks. I told my friend and she is still my friend but I feel that ever since then we have lost what we had before. but now. a few weeks after that. I burned myself. the back of my hand. this time I think it was so that somebody would see it. I want help. I want to stop it. I want to tell my mom. I wanted to tell her I cut and burned myself but I don't know how...and I don't think I can get up the nerve to tell her. Then I figured I would just ask her is I could get like a coucelor or something because then maybe they'd be able to help and then I would eventually be able to tell my mom..I am not in a close relationship with my mom...I don't hate her or anything we are just not close...I don't ever wanting my dad to find out..and I have a brother and sister that I can't talk to..I mean my mom it the only one I think I can tell that would be able to get me the help I want and need. I think that sometimes I don't need the help...that I can just go on with out it, but I know thatisn't true.. I was just wondering if maybe somebody knows a good way for me to tell her or something...I also feel that she is to busy. I feel that I would just be ruining her day or something. Nobody I know in person know that I injure myself. I don't think there is anybody I can really tell about it. I think I have witten alot...the last time I cut my self (the 37) was in April. I don't really remember which actual date. I have only burned myself since...I threw away my blades and the other things I used in late April...I guess I just got to lazy to get some other blades.

June 27, 2005
11:33 am
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wal
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Please get some help - tell her what is happening, you owe it to yourself.
God loves you honey! and so do we

June 27, 2005
12:09 pm
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Randomwomen2
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hey hunny you need to put yourself first dont worry about ruining your mothers day you are more inportant than a ruined day. And i am sure your mother loves you very much. I know you started when you were 13 but how old are you now? You realy need to talk to your mom about it i know its not going to be easy but it needs to be done hunny. Please post back to us we care about you

Love
Julie

June 27, 2005
7:37 pm
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Terri88
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I am 17. I do get up the nerve sometimes to tell her but I always backdown at the last moment.

June 28, 2005
2:32 pm
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kathygy
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What makes you back down? If my son was cutting and burning himself I would want to know so I could help. The most important thing is for you to put yourself first and tell your mother regardless of her reaction. You can do it.

June 28, 2005
4:49 pm
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jastypes
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Terri,
My son is 17 years old, and he came to me last September 1st to tell me that he had been cutting himself for 3 years. He also shared with me some sexual abuse he had suffered as a child that he had never told me about before. It has been a difficult struggle since, to come to terms with all that's happened, but little by little things are getting better. He is on medication and is in counseling. He was transferred to an alternative school with many kids who also suffer with depression and are cutters. He gets group counseling there as well. He has not cut in months. He is learning new coping skills. He is still not able to talk about the abuse, but I am hopeful that some day he will open up about it so that it doesn't haunt him forever.
Your mom needs to know. She can at least point you in the direction of some help, be it medication, counseling, or both. It will be tough for her. No denying that. And she may react strangely at first, or not know HOW to react. But whatever she does, will be done out of her intense love for you.

jill

June 28, 2005
5:34 pm
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Terri88
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Like just a few hours ago I wanted to tell her. I woke up and thought today I 'll tell her. I looked for her and saw her outside with a friend of hers that she works with. I thought I'll wait for her to leave. She left. My mom was busy making a phone call. Then she got into her car and I thought about going out there and telling her but then I thought no because if she decides not to go I know dad will wonder why and he'll probably get mad and want to know the reson for her not wanting to go. So I just let them leave. They'll be gone all day they went down state. They do that like once every week. They get home around 3AM. I am awake at that time but my mom will be tired and she'll need sleep bdcause she's got work tomorrow. And the reason I wanted to tell her today was because...I cut myself...I haven't for like what, 2 months but I did it this morning around 2:30AM. so, I have a burn on my hand and cuts on my arm. since I am going to be out side Saturday I will be wearing a short sleeve shirt. It's a Opening house for 2 of my cousins and also it's my brother's 21st birthday. I am sure if I don't tell my mom she'll find out then. I will try to tell her before that but I doubt I can. I don't know..

June 30, 2005
6:21 pm
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auntiem
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My 13 year old son has cut himself. I never knew much about cutting until he did it himself. As a mother I will do anything I can to help him. He explained it to me as he hurt so much inside that to physically hurt himself it made him feel better. He said he didn't physically feel the pain when he cut himself. Please tell your mom or someone that can get you help. Children are a precious gift given to us and as parents we want what is best for you. Right now I don't know of anyone else that has a child that cuts or should I say anyone that will tell that there child cuts. But you are not alone. You are in my prayers

June 30, 2005
7:56 pm
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be tre 2 yrslf
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June 30, 2005
7:58 pm
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be tre 2 yrslf
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i was abuse for 2and half yrs and couldnt trust no one went back with this man and almost killed me and finally i moved away from him and started cutting my self is this from the abuse i suffered from

June 30, 2005
8:18 pm
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Terri88
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I would think that it is frome the abuse you have been through and any other problems you have had in your life that you weren't able to cope with in a more "positive" manner.

But uhm...now my left arm has a lot of cuts on it..and I got scared last night before last because I accidently cut my finger really bed and it bled alot. it hurts now but it's fine. it's weird because my arm has...well over 50 cuts on it and I have a bun on the back of my and and the cut on my finger it the only thing that hurts... I was home alone when I accidently cut my finger and I sat in front of the dryer flickng the blood on the front of it...I actually had the thought of just leaving the blood there for my mom to find but I thought that'd be to...I don't know scary I guess. but I almost tol;d her last night and I couldn't though because she seemed tired and she had to go to work in the morning. I want to tell her before Saturday and I am trying not to rush myself because I get worked up and I can't think of anything but injuring myelf in some way...I am thinking that I should just walk up to her and pull my sleeve up. But I get afraid that she may tell my dad or respond in a totally unhelpful way I don't know. I didn't cut myself today though...I know that she'll find out some hoe withing the next month..I just hope that is one of the easiest way to have her find out.

July 1, 2005
9:29 am
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auntiem
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Hang in there.

July 1, 2005
12:30 pm
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jastypes
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There is no "good" time to tell your mom. You just have to brace yourself, tell her you need a few minutes of your time, and do it. My son told me at 10:00 p.m. on September 1, 2004. I swear, I will never forget that moment. He came to me while I was working on the computer and said, "Mom, I need to talk to you." We went into my bedroom and he told me what was going on. If you wait for the perfect time, it just won't come. A mom wants to know what's going on with her children above anything else in this world.

jill

July 1, 2005
11:18 pm
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Terri88
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I swear I had so many times that felt right but just thing messed it up...the prescence of somebody. I went into my mom's room to see if I would be able to tell her and right after I when in my sister followed...I just stood there hoping that she'd just turn around and leave but she didn't so I left and then minutes later she and mom came out and I just stared at Kerri (we are twins, stupid rhyming names) and she looked at me and said in a disgusted tone "What?!" I just stared at her then went into my room. Today I would have told her but my dad was around her and I don't want him to know. I could tell her now if it weren't for him being home. I haven't done anything yesterday or today yet it's 11PM so possibly 2 days but I feel like I need to cut myself and I keep thinking "No...show Mom instead. Walk up to her and pull up the sleeve...in front of her. Don't go into the room and pull it up to make it worse go to her and show her, don't reintroduce your arm to a blade, show Mom!" Every time I am around her I think "Now do it! Do it! Show her!" I also think that it would be great to tell my online friends that I told my mom especially one that tells me she feels like a useless friend to me I told her that there will be a day that I am able to say " I did it! I told my mom!" that is one of the things that is making me want to tell her. Sometimes I think I shouldn't tell her. but now ever since I talked to my friend I havn't thought that my mom didn't deserve to know. I know that I want to get better that I want to stop injuring myself, that I want help and that I can do that by telling my mom. That my mom can help me get help. I think I am done typing for now. Thanks for your comments and advice I know that this has to be helping me because just typing this is making me want to run into my mom's room and tell her. but right now she is with my dad. Gotta go now. Thanks again for all of your advice.

July 4, 2005
5:17 am
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Terri88
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I'm not telling her. I can't and I won't. I say I will. I am not I won't do it. How the hell do I tell her. I mean we aren't even close. I go to talk to her and she says some of the most off the wall bullshit. I decide "What the fuck! She doesn't deserve to know know about me." I will grow up. get out. Do it all over again. Get new scars and be fine. and now I am thinking the opposite of hat I am saying. But I will put this up anyway. If I don't tell my mom though I have no other way of quitting this but right now. I don't really know why I would want to stop.

July 4, 2005
12:42 pm
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Randomwomen2
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hunny sweetie i am so sorry you are going through so much pain. Please reconsider talking to her. You are so important hunny i know you dont feel like it but you are you are worth helping. And i know you truly want to stop or you wouldnt be posting it here hunny we care so much. I just pray that you get the help you need. I will be praying fpr you sweetheart. I hope you get better real soon.
Love
Julie

October 4, 2005
11:41 am
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Terri88
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Wow...it's been a while since I looked at this. I forgot about this. So much has happened since I was last looking at this.

July 20th- my grandpa died.

August-nothing much happened but I still would cut myself and I didn't want my mom to know, I was fine with my cutting and I didn't care if I did it for the rest of my life.

September..16(I think)
My mom found out. She saw my scars and healing cuts. She told a few people and I got an appointment with a doctor. I was given a few therapy appointment and put on effexor XR..

October.. I'm cutting, I have 3 burns and I have a lot of cuts hidden all over on my body. I don't want my mom to check me and see them but I really don't care much.
My medication doesn't seem to be working, I'm going to be put on Prozak soon.

My cousin had a baby and the baby died 17 days later. I found out my twin sister is smoking and I think she is stupid for it.
I'm in school now and I don't talk to the other kids much.
I can't sleep.
I'm tired but when I try to sleep I can't.
I think about death alot. I wonder who in my family will die next, I hope it's not me getting the courage to commit suicide.
I don't want to kill myself, but then it's something I think about everyday. I still say I don't have the guts to go through with it...but I don't know...Anyway...I decided to give an update on things.

October 4, 2005
12:03 pm
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prisoner
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Terri88
I am frightened by your posting. How old are you? Why do you hurt yourself? Have you gone to any counseling for your depression?
Please remember that no matter how bad it is it can and will get better. I have a teenage daughter myself and I would be terrified if she was hurting herself. Please talk to me, I care.

October 4, 2005
12:28 pm
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Randomwomen2
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hunny i am sad to see that you are still hurting yourself you need to tell someone that your meds are not working it took me a few times to find the right one please go back to the doctor. We are always here for you please dont do this to yourself to your mom to your sister to everyone that loves you everyone here. Please take care of yourself instead of hurting. IF you remember i had a hard time with that a while back. Just please know that we are here for you and you can get through this i know i have had demons in my past that i am working through you need to work on you sweetheart. We all want to see you better. We all care about you. Please write back to us please hunny. You need to seek more help

October 5, 2005
2:11 am
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number three
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YOU NEED TO KNOW SOMTHING, YOUR MOM LOVES YOU. I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME SAY THAT, YOU ARE IN HER HEART.
YOU ARE HER CHILD SHE LOVES EVERY INCH OF YOU. WHEN YOU CUT YOURSELF YOU ARE HURTING HER DON'T HURT HER YOU ARE HER HEART.
I KNOW YOU LOVE HER SHE IS IN YOUR HEART. YOU WOULD NEVER WANT ANYTHING TO HURT HER. I WANT YOU TO LOOK HER IN HER EYES AND TELL HER SHE IS YOUR HEART AND YOU LOVE HER,LET HER KNOW YOU WON'T CUT YOURSELF ANYMORE BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO HURT OR SCARE HER.
SHE SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD MOM GETTING YOU A DOCTOR APPOINTMENT. IF YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE IT SHOULD BE SOMEONE THAT HAS EXPERIENCE WITH THESE MATTERS.
TAKE A MOMENT TO FOCUS ON WHAT YOU HAVE NOT WHAT YOU'VE LOST. YOU HAVE YOUR MOM AND SHE HAS YOU. YOUR SO LUCKY...

October 18, 2005
12:53 pm
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Terri88
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I have a therapy session on Friday, maybe I'll get around to telling about the medication not seeming to have any affects good or bad.

October 18, 2005
1:35 pm
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gayle
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Hi Terri- Good to know you are ok! Its good to let them know what is and is not working. Take care

November 2, 2005
12:33 pm
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Terri88
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I'm on prozac now and I didn't see much change the first week but now, I don't feel like cutting myself, I used to always feel like it but was able sometimes to not do it, but now I really don't feel much like doing it, but I'm havening sleeping problems and I don't think my drepressions changed much, I just don't feel like cutting or anything, It may be my medication working or I could just be too lazy or something... I don't know, I have a session later today, my mom's coming to this session so she can find out what's the proper thing to do if she chacks me for cuts, what type a responses she should give me and junk like that. I'm tired.

November 2, 2005
3:49 pm
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Randomwomen2
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I am so proud of you sweetheart i am so glad that you are getting help. I actualy teared up. continue to get help hunny. You desirve the very best that life has to offer
love
Julie

November 2, 2005
4:49 pm
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taj64
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I read this and instantly thought of the lifetime movie about a high school girl who cut herself. Her mom was demanding and controlling. And dad was too passive. She had amazing talent but didn't believe in herself. I thought that was a sad tale but the girl beat this cutting thing. And you can too. Way to go Terri! Antidepressants do work but take awhile. I wish you good luck. Im sure you will come to a point when you are sleeping better too. I take medicine for anxiety and it helps me so much with getting a good night's rest.

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