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molested by father as a child
October 9, 2009
11:39 pm
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TCB
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I was molested by my father when i was young 5-9 yrs. old. i havent seen or heard from him or any family member on that side for 12 yrs. i just got an email from them yesterday. they want me to contact them dad included. does he feel remorse? what do i do? i want to see my family but im not sure about him

October 10, 2009
12:01 am
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CraigCo
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Does the rest of the family know about your father's transgressions?

October 10, 2009
12:51 am
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No one knows. except a few close friends and my fiance. i decided to respond. i dont know if it was a good idea, but i will find out soon enough. i felt it was better to take a chance and see where it takes me, than justdo nothing and always wonder if i made the righ choice. i still want to know if he feels bad, if he even remembers. he drank and did drugs. not sure if he still does. i dont know if him being high makes it excusable. any advice

October 10, 2009
6:08 am
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fantas
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TCB,
I'm sorry this happened to you. Your father has no excuse for molesting you. Drunks aren't pedophiles but pedophiles can be drunks. I think it was wise for you to respond to them to see what they want. I maybe wrong but I wouldn't hold too much hope for a confession from your dad, unless he has been found out and reported. You could confront him and see how he deals with that. Have you had any therapy around this issue? Keep posting.

October 10, 2009
6:53 am
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CraigCo
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TCB

No there's no excuse for his actions & I'd fully expect that he'd have memories of it, foggy tho they may be. Perhaps he does have regrets, but hasn't been able to find it in himself to approach you about it. You could attribute that reluctance to denial, fear or shame, but who's to say with any certainty at this stage. Not having known him personally, I could only speculate as to what his feelings are on the matter.

Have you seen a counsellor or attended any support group for victims of abuse such as yourself? If not I would highly recommend it if you feel that you are ready.

I have not been personally subjected to such abuse but I can certainly empathize. My ex, however, was abused during her adolescence & it had a real lasting impact on her.

I guess you'll never know how things could work out unless you make an effort. I can appreciate you wanting to give it a try in hopes of finding some sort of reparation from your father. That's normal to want for that connection.
Should you feel uncomfortable in his presence then you'll know not to go back until you are mentally ready for that scenario.

There are a number of people here that have been through the same type of mistreatment that you have. I'd recommend that you keep checking in here when you can as you're bound to get plenty of support & understanding from others.

Be well TCB

October 10, 2009
6:26 pm
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i had therapy when i was younger for depression but i never admitted to sexual abuse. i was afraid they would tell my mother who has no idea about what he did. i know if she found out she would blame herself and i don want that. now i think i'm past most of the help therapy could give.i know it's not my fault. i'm honestly not sure how im going to react if i see him. i used to be a shy, withdrawn person but not any more. i think i might prod him to confess to me, if he wont address the issue or try to deny it then i will cut off all contact again. thanks for your advice. more is always welcome

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