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modified no contact help, ideas please
August 25, 2007
5:24 pm
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bonni
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dear friends,
I've decided to not initiate calls and TMs to my friend on weekends for now. When I reach out to him, I am looking for external validation and comfort. I need to begin looking inside for this. I need to be more self sufficient.

I am looking for ideas of positive alternatives I can do when I want to initiate contact. It has to be pretty simple and easy and practical. Maybe I can make a jar of pampering missions or positive missions or something. Anyway, i'm looking for ideas. They need to take from 5 to 15 minutes to execute.

Thank you for any help.

bonni

August 25, 2007
5:34 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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I always enjoy the ritual of making a pot of tea with loose tea leaves and drinking it out of a nice cup.
Right now I am going to go hide myself in a bath tub with a book and see how that makes me feel.

Bitsy

August 25, 2007
5:46 pm
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sad sack
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Hi Bonni,

I could only say what has worked for me.

When I am feeling that "urge" to contact my exbf, I write myself an email instead. My last one was a listing of the things he did or said that I did not like. I save all of those letters (to myself) and reread them over and over when the urge hits.

I have been sucessful. I will respond to him if he contacts me first, however. Is that the case with you also? But I do feel myself very slowly detaching. I could go longer and longer without contacting him.

I am not sure of your situation, but in my case, we are attempting to maintain a friendship (even though the relationship as bf and gf is defiinitely over). It has been a roller coaster ride, to say the least. Right now, I am at a good place. But I am very aware that that can change at any moment.

I wish you well. I know how difficult it is to not reach out to someone you have (had) feelings for.

Sad

August 25, 2007
9:14 pm
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bonni
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Thank you Bitsy, I enjoy hot tea too. I may have to wait til it cools down a bit though.

Thank you Sad Sack, I have a very dear friend who has been wonderful to me and I have developed strong feelings for him. He is starting to date and I am choosing to give him the space to do that. He very much wants to keep the friendship and is being very considerate of my feelings. He has his issues, but he has always been wonderful to me. He still needs me and that will diminish as he continues to get close to this other woman. While I am happy for him that he may have found someone who makes him happy, I am very sad that I am not that woman.

bonni

August 25, 2007
9:45 pm
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sad sack
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Hi Bonni,

I could only imagine how difficult it must be for you to watch your "friend" date others.

There is no way that I could do that. I know that if my exbf started to date others, I would have to terminate the friendship (at least, that is how I presently feel). I still love my exbf, so it would hurt so much to see him with someone else. Just the thought of it, causes me pain.

I know me and I know I couldn't handle it.

In your case, does he know how you feel? Is there any chance that the two of you could date? It just seems that you care so deeply for him.

Well, I wish you the best. I know you are trying to be strong, but I could tell that you're hurting a bit.

Please keep in touch.

sad

August 26, 2007
7:41 am
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bonni
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Thanks Sad,
Yes, my friend knows how I feel and he is being very kind. I think he shares many of my feelings, but our being more than close friends is not an option for many reasons that I don't want to get into on this thread. It would be somewhat easier to just cut him off and try to move on without the pain of watching him build a life without me. Still, we have been friends almost 15 years and I've only had feelings for three of them.

I'm going running this morning. that helped yesterday.

bonni

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