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“MN to Michigan... Do you read me?!”
October 18, 2006
11:10 am
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ggfred4
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You sound like my sponsor! I am confused over being honest about myself and how I am suppose to be???
Are you mad at me? I am just trying to be honest..

October 18, 2006
11:21 am
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lovinglife
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GG - I was laughing when I wrote it because I see so much of myself in that, I'm getting better though...

what it truly is about here for both of us is getting comfortable with ourselves, not second guessing our thoughts and also not letting others know in the meantime that we are doing this!!

Start trying to leave off the extra *thoughts*...it's uncomfortable at first but your confidence in yourself will grow.

October 18, 2006
11:21 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Hey girls,

It isn't mamacinamon, it is mamac. I don't know if you remember her or not, she hasn't been around in a while. You can still go over there, but I just thought I would point that out.

October 18, 2006
11:24 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I really questioned what I wrote the second time in the sexual accusations thread, because I was mean. But, it really hit a sore spot for me, and I couldn't help it. I think that we all second guess a lot of things, BUT, I am hoping that here, we can start to gain some self confidence girls. ALL of us. Maybe if we call each other on it enough, we will catch on....then again, maybe not. I do hope so though.

Scared

October 18, 2006
11:42 am
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ggfred4
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LL and scared, thanks for pointing out things to me...thanks for telling me it is not "our mama"...these names though, saw there is now a luvnlife!

Now that I have 3 people pointing the same thing I am doing, it is making me feel more atttentive...that is good for my recovery...yet, I know it is not going to happen overnight...I didn't even write the first two months I was here, so does that mean I am better?...I had zero confidence to even answer anyone.

Watch out girls, when this recovery is over, I may start my own talk show on a beautiful site outdoors on a beach and NO, Jen, your horse can't come.HA!

You two really cheer me up, THANKS!!!

October 18, 2006
11:46 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Hey,

That is what we are here for right? Point things out, make each other smile, listen to each others hurts, and hold hands as we walk through this point in our lives. This is a tough spot for all of us I think, or we probably wouldn't have wound up here. But, I am glad that I did because my life is better because of you guys, my friends.

Thanks

Mich

October 18, 2006
11:58 am
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ggfred4
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everything you said was right, scared. I agree, but need to remember this when things are low.
I dread being away from the site when I have my surgery...

October 18, 2006
12:08 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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That is what we are here for GG, is to remind you when you forget. When are you having surgery and for what, if you don't mind me asking?

October 18, 2006
12:37 pm
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StronginHim77
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Don't want to butt into your thread. You three have a great "flow" going here. Just wanted to let you know that I am quietly reading it each day and praying for all three of you.

- Ma Strong

October 18, 2006
12:42 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Thanks Ma Strong

October 18, 2006
12:43 pm
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ggfred4
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Thank you Strong, I read advice you give others and it is so powerful...
Yes, we have this great flow that has happened and feel we are helping each other...(LL, I want to add one of those extra thoughts right now, but will stop)

October 18, 2006
12:56 pm
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ggfred4
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scared, having major surgery Nov. 30th. I am going to a major city and specialist, 2 1/2 hours away and will be there for at least 5 days, that is if they don't make me go the rehabilitation hospital afterward. I had a knee injury in high school with two surgeries. Been having major problems this year...funny thing: I messed it up dancing on a Dance Dance Revolution map of my daughters!!! Yes, I love to dance. (took 13 years)

The problem: a total knee replacement and possibly other hip and knee because of that knee. I am like the youngest patient there except for two football players! I just found out what the surgery is about; it is like an amputation of sorts, sickening and scary..Yes, I am a big WUSS! The last two surgeries I had; I woke up to blood transfusions because I hemmoraged. So, yes, I am scared, but really not trying to think about it. I am more worried about the time I will be there alone and being away from my support here, coda, and my sponsor.

October 18, 2006
1:06 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I will miss you while you are gone, but we have some time. I am sorry that you are having these problems.

Good job on refraining from whatever it was that you wanted to say.

Scared

October 18, 2006
1:15 pm
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ggfred4
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thanks, feel still want to go back and insert it...

I am going to try and find a way to get a laptop to bring with me...I have had to buy 4 computers in the last 2 years for my college kids which leaves me with the "old one"!!

A good thing: I will be off of work for awhile and will be able to talk, talk, and talk, and you guys will probably saying, "Shut up GG and go back to work"!!!!HA

October 18, 2006
1:22 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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It will be good GG. We love talking to you. By the way, what happened to our other friend? I haven't seen her in a couple of hours...

LL, oh LL, where are you my friend? I miss you....

Mandy

October 18, 2006
1:28 pm
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ggfred4
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hmmm, did you mean to type your name?
Where is our loving life, LL???

October 18, 2006
1:36 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG

It isn't the first time. Half the time I go to send an email and almost always put scared. I am such a dork. Oh well. It was way up in this thread several times. I don't know if you read all of that up there between LL and I, but I posted the email that my psychologist sent me, and my name is in there. It's ok. I saw Revelation did it this morning too. It is all good.

October 18, 2006
2:05 pm
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lovinglife
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So then I can add to my list of possible reasons why I had a down moment yesterday – THE EXH! I knew this was coming…Just spent the morning doing some business stuff for him…and as always he started in with his whining and blaming me for his woes, at one point he said, “No one knows or cares how stressful all this is…” usually I say nothing but try to quickly get through it but this time I said, “Now that’s not true D~ – your favorite bartenders know!!” As much as I really don’t care for my ex, as much as I want him completely out of my life…I FINALLY can clearly see how his drinking affects HIS life …the cause and effect of it. It’s completely sad…here is a VERY talented man in his profession, sought out for his expert knowledge in the field, has made and gone through THOUSANDS & THOUSANDS of dollars and this morning he’s needing a little cash from his exW to get to work, lives in his exW's very modest home (nothing fancy here-the way I like it), and is ready to drop dead (really) from the stress. All because of why? One word: Alcohol. Though I did give him cash to get to work (this rarely happens), I’m slowly letting him go in the ways I’ve always held him together and of course when it got bad enough - pieced him back together. It’s completely sad to see something literally destroy a person’s life and the sadder thing is he doesn’t get the picture or perhaps he does but doesn’t want to. The only thing I can do today is take care of me. I hope he gets it too like I have ( the understanding) before his life is over. Sad, sad, sad.

Now I have to catch up with you two I’m WAY back up there…I started to write…

Thanks Mich for pointing that out as I thought too was thee *Mama* meaning your angel-mama. Now I'm confused but I'll figure out who is who.

And Mich, I know what you mean about hitting those sore spots - I just did it the other day my self on one of Amry's threads. I'm learning exactly what a few of my sore spots are (things that bring out intense emotion within me that makes me feel like attacking or trying to get a point across)...What my goal is with that is to take a few of my sore spots and turn them around into a passion...so instead of coming off as attacking I want to do it more as in *educating.* Heck, they say Rome wasn't built in a day, and changing a few behaviors and/or outlooks takes time too!!

And GG, ok I won’t be so hard on you next time { : ) }, as you’re right, you are growing…you went from having “zero confidence to even answer anyone” to now encouraging others & telling bits about your story. That’s major. I remember now when you first come here –you weren’t even sure if you were going to stick around…. SO now that you’re growing and coming out of your shell some just add to the growth to watch the second guessing of yourself and the lack of confidence. I’ve so been there (still working at it) and tell ya it’s freeing in many ways.

Ok I also started an essay I need to get back to : ) Check back later.

And hi Ma Strong, yeah I have to agree that there is a great flow going on here...it's starting to feel to me almost feel like *base* where I can re-fuel, clean up here and there, and head out again!!

October 18, 2006
5:35 pm
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ggfred4
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hey girls, finally home from work!!!

October 18, 2006
5:59 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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are either of you around? i am a mess

need a friend

October 18, 2006
6:04 pm
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ggfred4
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i am here scared; just ready army's thread and can't even think of a way to respond to her and feeling guilty, again

What's wrong?

October 18, 2006
6:07 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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i want to curl up in a ball and cry, i wish i could crawl in a hole and disappear

October 18, 2006
6:07 pm
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ggfred4
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come get me and we can do this together...what happened, tell me...

October 18, 2006
6:12 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Trust me, you'd learn to hate me too. I probably shouldn't be around here again tonight. I have nothing positive at all to say. My husband was at the psychologist today for almost 4 hours. Comes home in a pissy mood, says 10 words to me, and is gone again for the night. I cannot deal with this. I am so tired of feeling like I am his problem. For as hard as I try, I can't keep doing this. All, I give him everything that ihave. I have left NOTHING for me.

October 18, 2006
6:15 pm
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ggfred4
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hold on scared...I would never hate you...you have been nothing but kind to me...why are you blaming yourself?...It is okay not to be positive....we like you for you, all moods...Don't give him anymore if you don't want to....

I am holding you now, even though I told you that I may not be comfortable...I will do it for you, because I like you...Cry, all you want , vent all you want...

My husband will be here soon, so I am going to check back and forth unless he leaves, but I won't leave you...

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