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“MN to Michigan... Do you read me?!”
October 17, 2006
11:00 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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It is not all that exciting around here when we are both moody. My three year old is moody too. What is really interesting is there names are Arica, Alex, Aryn and Austin. Try that when you're pissed at one or two of them. On occasion the cats names get thrown in there too. I do love my babies though. I truly hope that I can learn to enjoy motherhood. I am so uptight about so many things. I just want to be happy as a mom, and them to be happy with me as their mom.

October 17, 2006
11:04 am
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lovinglife
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well it sounds like those days of learning to enjoy motherhood just may be around the corner for you with a psychologist like the one you have. He sounds like a blessing, really. Could just feel his worth, his understanding, his compassion.

How long have you been seeing him? And is he the first one (therapist) to truly validate what you're feeling?

October 17, 2006
11:07 am
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lovinglife
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and such pretty names your children have. And that does sound like it would be a mouthful or almost like a tongue twister if needed to spit out their names all at once!

October 17, 2006
11:08 am
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lovinglife
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that was suppose to be warmth, not feel his worth, but guess that would fit too!

October 17, 2006
11:08 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I have only actually seen him once so far. That was last Wednesday, and I was there for 3 and a half hours. I have seen several of them in the last 18 years, and only one came close in comparison. He is the FIRST male that I have EVER seen. I know that he believes me, and in me. I know that he cares. I just feel it. he has told me that i can email him at any point, call him if I need to, and he wants to see me more than once a week to start with. Plus, he is starting to see my husband tomorrow. All at NO cost. It is so amazing to me. he gives me some hope.

October 17, 2006
11:12 am
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lovinglife
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WOW - someone's been praying for you gf- (how much ya wanna bet its been mama?!) He sounds like a TOTAL blessing.

How did you come across him? AND its sad but there are alot of sucky therapists out there. I think GG experienced one herself- hoping she won't give up on tha idea because when we find 'that one' it can change our world. For me too, it took yrs to finally find someone who understood me and didn't make me more confused, and he did the same thing about..."If you ever need to get in touch with me..."

October 17, 2006
11:16 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I will buy that the prayers that I know have gone up for me from people on this site may have been answered this way. He is actually a friend of my father in laws. So he has been right in front of us for a long time, but I did not know what he did for a living. It came up when my husband beat the crap out of his brother a few weeks back. So, it is working well, at this point. His wife is a rape victim also. There are a LOT of sucky ones out there. Ones that are absolutely useless. And after you get so many of those, you kind of give up. I had. I just hope that GG doesn't. She has so much potential, and she is such a blessing to others. I hope that she sees that.

October 17, 2006
11:30 am
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lovinglife
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and isn't that sad too that because there are bad ones, (and I'm sorry if I offend anyone in the field) people lose hope instead of being filled with hope. And how can you blame someone if they give up trying to attempt that route. I almost did that- thought it all was just a crock because it often made me feel worse. I think GG has only been to one, let's remind her to give it another try,? That (having a good therapist) is all apart of one's *wellness kit* to get on that road to healing/recovery, just as the reading is, just as writing is, just as talking about it is, and just as something like attending Al-Anon (which btw has been just a blessing for me) - it all makes for a complete package when having someone who understands, who can lead who to more resources, one who can guide the process.

I think one of the greatest things I have found about this very site is that is what we get here - people who understand, resources to led us onto a possible path and the support and encouragement is incredible. Not that this website should replace therapy by any means - but it many ways it is the start to some good therapy...for many of us it is the first time we feel heard, we feel validated, and boy being able to have a great *professional* to help us along the way...how could one go wrong...

Also I think that it is great the he is also seeing your husband. How does your husband seem to feel about going?

October 17, 2006
11:49 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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He is seeing it as helping me with my problems right now. But, Jim, the psychologist said he may walk in there thinking that this is all my issues, but he will not think the same thing when he walks out of his office. If he refuses to admit that he has a problem, and refuses to deal with it, then I have to gain the strength to leave. And I will. Jim said that even if it were just my past that we are dealing with that because we are married it is now OUR problem NOT just mine. Because it affects our marriage. And his violent outbursts strongly affect my ability to heal the way that I should be able to.

October 17, 2006
11:50 am
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lovinglife
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you must have gotten busy with the kids...I'll check back in a bit- going to take a bath and put a roast in- perfect day for a pot roast - and perfect day for a nice warm bath... and man is it just dreary outside - though I do like days like this on occasion, can be relaxing.

October 17, 2006
11:51 am
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lovinglife
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we posted at the same time....I'm still here didn't even get up off my chair..

October 17, 2006
11:51 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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So I guess really, we will see how he feels after he goes tomorrow.

October 17, 2006
11:53 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Are you going to be around for a little while? You go take your bath, etc. I have to go get my kids off of the bus here in about 5 minutes, and then will have to do lunch. Then it is nap time, so I will have a little time again in the afternoon. Are you going to be around?

October 17, 2006
12:00 pm
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lovinglife
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I like Jim, he sounds like he really knows what he is doing. And if it comes down to you having to leave, he'll be a great support system for you to take care of you.

I hope that your husband is ready and open for some help as it would be great if the two of you together could walk the upcoming road holding hands and each other through.

It will be interesting to see how tommorrow goes..I'm pulling for you as I know that ideally you want your marriage (I did too even with the sh*tty husband mine was). It would be great if both of you could be on the same path...even if tommorrow doesn't go perfectly, it's a start and we have to start somewhere.

October 17, 2006
12:02 pm
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lovinglife
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sounds good...I'll check back in later...and you get yourself some rest too mama : )

"Over and out!"

October 17, 2006
12:03 pm
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lovinglife
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mama meaning you Mich! But mamac- hey you too : )

Til we chat again...

October 17, 2006
1:14 pm
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ggfred4
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LL and Mich, so jealous, warm baths...I am sitting among 24--- 13 years old for 6 hours a day...! Calgon, take me away....

It is lunch and I just popped in while drinking another diet coke and some baked bbq lays...healthy isn't it?

Mich, your kids names are great, love them....When my four kids were little, people would constantly ask me, "How do you do it?" I was always puzzled, you just do what you have to do, right? Yes, it was hard, and still is...Those 3 daughters of mine!!! You should see the boxes of tampons, makeup, etc. I buy...My son was so easy. Yes, Mich, the hormones are unbelievable, yet this too shall pass. They have to go through stages in order to fly away one day like beautiful butterflies.

Hope you are both fine, take care...Yes, I am in better spirits now...having a good, productive day here and trying not to think about tonight...

My dad must think I don't remember anything, but oh, I do...damn!

October 17, 2006
1:29 pm
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ggfred4
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oh, just responded to accustions of sexual abuse and wish I could take it back, don't know, what do you think? did i mess up?

October 17, 2006
1:36 pm
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ggfred4
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LL and Mich, feeling the panic rising fast and I am at work...why did I respond to the advice on sexual abuse...that was a taboo subject for me...even my sponsor said I should do the 12 steps before advising...but I was not advising... just sharing...gosh, I am mad at myself...please talk to me if you read...will check back...chest is hurting...

October 17, 2006
1:37 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG-

You are not wrong...If you don't think that it is worth it to tell your family, then don't. You are an adult, and your children were taken care of by you. You were able to come to the realization of why you didn't want them there. Don't beat yourself up. What do you feel would have been wrong with your post to that thread? I am just curious hon. I just read it, and I posted there earlier. I don't know if my opinion was right or not, but we all have them, and I am coming to the conclusion quickly that we are entitled. Even if they aren't what others would say or feel. You are a good person GG, with a big heart. Don't lose sight of that. You are too hard on yourself sometimes. Don't hurt yourself that way. You are a true blessing to several of us around here. Don't minimize what you have been through either. Have you ever told anyone about your dad?

October 17, 2006
1:42 pm
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lovinglife
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hehehehe yes sons are wonderful and so much easier... sorry you two : (

but oh to have a daughter- how wonderful. And they often eventually became your closest friend, not always but does happen...and boys well though they still love their mama- the wife comes in and replaces us.

Gg I'll read what you wrote and before I even do... for some odd reason I think what you're feeling has more to do with beating yourself up then actually what you said. And I can bet that what you added to the discussion was helpful...brb

October 17, 2006
1:43 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG,

Honey, do you have to go see your dad? Why are you going? This isn't good for you. I am here thinking about you, sit and calm down honey. We are here for you. Either before or after you see your dad.

October 17, 2006
1:59 pm
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ggfred4
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I regret that I told the few people I did...afterward, felt like I had leprosy...I am finally able to tell people here because I know I will never really see them; safer; don't remember everything and don't want to.

October 17, 2006
2:10 pm
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lovinglife
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GG~ I don't understand why you feel bad at all other than you seemed to, like myself, have this tendency to second guess yourself, and then beat the hell out of your self-esteem. This is what I was talking about in trying to catch the negative self talk, which I think you just did... not sure if you did though or if Mich picked up on it, anyways...that is exactly what I was talking about.

Now look at what you wrote on that thread...that was not giving advice, but completely sharing your story, your feelings, giving your perspective... and that is very valuable to others. The difference is when we will tell others that they should do this or that and come across very strongly while doing so. I think that is what your sponsor is saying: See we need to take care of us and not try to fix others and co-dep's have a way of doing that...which btw we can never fix others. Now I am so guilty of that in my past. Do you remember the thread with *allways confused* story? I so gave advice and came across strongly on that thread... I wanted to fix her and I had the answers if only she would listen to me... That was the start of a huge realization for me- it's been my pattern in many aspects of my life. And GG I have never seen you do that here at all.

Mich had wonderful insight onto this. ah-ha - I think you just may have a Matteo on your hands - she was the one who called me on my negetive self talk and really helped me turn a corner on that. And she didn't do it aggressivly, just pointed out things as Mich is doing for you. Hey, Matteo if by chance you are reading this - I so thank you!!

October 17, 2006
2:29 pm
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TryingToLetGoAndMoveOn
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*Hugs of comfort* my love.

Take care.

Trying.

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