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MJ remembering
September 28, 2004
11:20 am
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mj
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Last night while on this site worrying about others I went through some of the old threads. I typed in mj and wow it felt so good to see all the support I use to receive.
Just wanted to say Thank YOU.

September 28, 2004
11:54 am
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CAMER
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thats what we are here for is *support* and i am so thankful for this website and the abundance of support I get from everyone.

Thanks for sharing MJ!!!

September 28, 2004
11:56 am
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sixfootblonde
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I went back 1.5 years ago yesterday while at work with nothing to do and read on and off for three hours. Interesting that yesterday was a day for that? The closeness that used to be on here with the old familiar names - tracylynn, boland, slv, gingerleigh (still here!) and all the others I can't name right now. It warmed my heart to read of those days.

September 28, 2004
12:14 pm
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mj
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Thanks Camer.

Hi SFB,
Interesting that we were both doing the scanning of old threads.

Would you be interested in trying to heal an old wound with me today?

September 28, 2004
1:06 pm
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sixfootblonde
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You know, I don't do that well. Or should I say, I don't do that. At all. I walk away and build pretty flowers all along the solid brick wall I construct.

All the more reason to do so? Growth...that's why I'm here, after all.

September 28, 2004
1:11 pm
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mj
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I am interested in Growth as well.

So how would you like to approach this?

September 28, 2004
1:12 pm
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mj
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Can we try to construct a bridge across our walls 🙂

September 28, 2004
1:32 pm
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mj
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I will start this bridge construction on my side 😉

I am really sorry that I offended you. I know that I cannot take back my words but I surely can tell you that I hurt myself as much. My ego and false pride got in the way. I have a habit of personalizing everything. I do this. It doesn't help me because I alienate others with my extreme sensitivity. I need to learn to lighten up. I would love to be able to act before I react. I want to put the past behind.

September 28, 2004
1:33 pm
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CAMER
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how about starting with feelings on how you would like to grow in a healthy way????

my growth started with therapy first, then my coda meetings, and combining that with reading & this website, I know that I grow each and everyday, and sometimes fall back, but i recognize my feelings and wants more and more.

gosh, hope it doesnt sound like I am
rambling too much!!!

camer

September 28, 2004
1:36 pm
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mj
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Camer that is a great suggestion. Expressing feelings.

I feel sad that I hurt you.

September 28, 2004
1:54 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Feelings. I would like to grow in such a manner that I realize the full potential that exists within me, as a valid person. As a proud, strong woman. To know that all I need I carry within myself. To learn from my mistakes and not make them over and over, as I sometimes feel I do.

My feelings about the past -- I remember the feeling of confusion at this situation that I felt was baloney, that whatever it was at the time was taken way wrong, being flabbergasted, reaching out and getting snubbed in return. After a few instances of this I decided that sometimes it's just better to remove myself from the situation than to continue to contribute to the drama. I felt that drama was looked for, commented upon/egged on thru passive aggressiveness, and then all blame was dismissed by what I felt were fake expressions of non-blame and phony, glib catch phrases. It angered and disgusted me.

Those were my feelings. This is were I walked away.

September 28, 2004
1:54 pm
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sixfootblonde
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where, not were.

September 28, 2004
2:24 pm
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gingerleigh
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Yes, I'm still around... I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, depends on one's perspective. *laugh* I'm still "crazy" after all these years.

Nice to see the healing process in action. And thanks to both of you for the support and coaching through my recent mishaps.

September 28, 2004
2:29 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Oh ginger, I've been no better. I empathize with you 110%.

Why is it so hard to learn the lesson even when we already know the lesson plan? And how badly the grade curve is??

September 28, 2004
3:11 pm
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CAMER
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sixfoot, i think alot has to do with the "denial" running thru our minds, that maybe just maybe things will be different next time, and "fear" too,
fear of being alone, with ourselves
and having denial get in the way and sweep everything under the rug. Hope that made sense.

Camer

September 28, 2004
3:13 pm
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sixfootblonde
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Ok mj my honesty was perhaps too harsh.

Where do we start?

September 28, 2004
6:11 pm
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mj
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Not harsh at all.

Today it makes sense.

I am sorry that I over-reacted.

September 28, 2004
6:18 pm
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mj
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I hope we can regain each others trust. I had to run and get a load as I am getting divorced. I am permanently moving into with my brother. I know I said I wanted to do this today, but life sometimes gets more complicated, like brother needing the computer and I needing to move another load.

September 28, 2004
6:21 pm
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mj
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I feel excited that we can have a civil conversation. I feel grateful that you are willing to talk it through.

Thanks for your support too Ginger and Camer.

September 28, 2004
6:22 pm
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gingerleigh
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MJ, sorry to hear that you're having to go through the divorce. It seems like this has been a long time coming, going back and forth for you, hopes strengthened and then dashed. At least now you've got a direction to move in, and it only gets better from here. Sending strength your way...

September 28, 2004
6:32 pm
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mj
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Thanks Ginger. It was a good learning experience. I tried to make it work but its hard to cram a round peg into a square hole. I finally figured that out.

September 28, 2004
7:04 pm
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bel
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Im still here too but I can see and feel the growth I have made. Not only this site but I also went to a chat room on Aol called abuse surviors and that helped me to cope, accept and change and grow....

Thank you to all who were there for me...MJ, TS, TEZ, firefly, boland, Ladeska! and many many more....

Bel

September 28, 2004
7:07 pm
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mj
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Hugs Bel...so glad you are here.

September 29, 2004
11:35 am
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mj
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Do you want to continue SFB?

September 29, 2004
12:13 pm
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mj
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I just want you to know that I need to go now... as I have to get ready for my meeting...but I am still interested in continuing. Maybe we can respond when we have time...does that work for you?

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