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**missing you, my friend GG...**
January 18, 2007
7:23 pm
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needtoheal
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Hi GG... I have been thinking of you.. How are you? I miss you so much.. I hope that you and your family are doing well...

I have been very busy.. The boys are doing well.. Matt went to the doctor and will have to a pediatric opthomologist because of his visual acuity (seems to show signs of nearsightedness).. The school has also recommended that he goes because the occupational therapist was concerned about his eyes. She noticed a problem with his tracking but that has nothing to do with his visual acuity.. My personal opinion is that he has a visual motor intergration disability. It is so strange that children are now classified according to SLD-- specific learning disability and yet the specifics is not known or told. What is your opinion about getting him further tested outside of school to find out what exactly is his learning disability??

I hope that we can get talk soon.. I have been missing you and think of you often..

love,
NEED

By the way, I am still pondscum free.. Yes, it has now been an entire month since I last spent time with him.. I have been soooo happy without him.. I am so proud of myself..

I will always be grateful that you had been there for me through those difficult times when I first came here..

🙂

January 19, 2007
12:50 am
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Hi sweet need, thanks for seeking me out...As for Matt, go with your gut on outside testing since you have an education background. Personally, I have to have answers and like second opinions when in doubt for my kids. But there is a lot I would have to know here, how are his grades, his self-esteem, his attitude at school, his attentiveness, his skills in specific areas, etc...

I am so proud of you about being pondscum free. Remember these proud feelings you have, okay?

My kids all just started back into their spring semester of college and I get to hear their stresses of their classes and get to pay for it too....ugh....

Oh, going back for a big appt. to more and hopefully will get a release for work on Monday...got a lot of college expenses to pay...

Thanks for keeping in touch...love you......gg

January 19, 2007
12:58 am
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armyleo
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gg -

I hope you appt. goes well.

January 19, 2007
5:02 pm
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needtoheal
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GG-- hope your appointment goes well..
Matt is doing good in his subjects except for spelling which has always been difficult for him.. He has been attending classes (Wilson Reading Program) two mornings a week.. He takes Concerta for his ADD and that has not been an issue..
I made an appointment for the pediatric opthomologist for next Tuesday. He will have to go with his dad to the appointment..
His self-esteem is fair.. Even though he knows and accepts that he has ADD and also a learning disability, he often feels that he is "not normal". He does not complain about attending school maybe because he has his Godmother as his teacher and she is one who he can trust and loves.

I talked to the assistant manager at my work who has a son that has the same type of disability along with ADD. He is going to get tested for Dyslexia.
I am going to try to follow through with getting him tested. I tried to talk to the pediatric neurologist about his disability who did not recommend me getting it done...

As far as being pondscum free, I am doing really well in not talking to him anymore. I have been surrounding myself with lots of friends who truly care and love me for who I am..

He still calls occasionally but I do not answer at all.. He will get the hint soon.

I am so glad that you are going to go back to work soon. I know that it is frustrating being home.

I am going to start looking for a teaching position but as I have told you before, I do not have enough experience to start in my own classroom.. I would start to substitute teach which here in New Jersey pays $75-$100 per diem.. But since I am divorced, I need the benefits for myself. That has been my problem and the reason that I have been "stuck" with the current job that I have..

Thank you for your input. I love and care about you very much and I miss you. I think of you often..

love,
NEED

oops!! I mean, PONDSCUM FREE NEED

January 19, 2007
7:43 pm
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ggfred4
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Dear Sweet Need,
Please instill to Matt that many kids, teens, and adults have ADD; you probably have, you are a great mom. Self esteem in school is very important, sometimes more important than dealing with a disability.

Surrounding yourself with friends is fantastic and I am so happy for you.

I just got back from Houston...I begged and got the release I have to have to go back to work next week. My doctor really talked to me frankly on the seriousness of my situation and the time involved in my recovery. It is going to be a longer road than I ever expected. I will be going back every month for 6 months and will continue physical therapy. I must have been in denial here, oh well, think I was set straight today...

Oh, don't forget, substituting is much harder than teaching your own classroom...good luck

Take care, think of you often too....
gg

January 19, 2007
8:08 pm
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needtoheal
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Matt does understand about his ADD and having a learning disability.. I think I have told you that I have taught him to blame his ADD and not himself for such things as losing papers or forgeting his work at school when we would have to often go back to get whatever he forgot.. I just think at times that he gets so overwhelmed with his homework that he sometimes looks at himself as being Not normal.. He also has a disability in math -- does not understand the concept of numbers. Jake, on the other hand, loves and does well in math and he used to give Matt the answers to simple math facts. That would lower his self-esteem so now I have Jake go upstair s when Matt does his work because of the distraction and sometimes Matt will help Jake with reading..
I started to have Jake do his homework first because he does not often have much to do and then Matt does have some time to relax before doing his work.
I am glad to hear that you got the release to go back to work..
I know that it may be a long road for recovery but keep that chin up.. I am always here to listen and of course to support you along the way.. I love you, GG and I will always be your friend and your sister..

love,
NEED

January 22, 2007
7:18 pm
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needtoheal
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GG--
I have been thinking about you.. It is so strange not to see any posts here from our sisters.. I wonder how Mich is doing and I keep her in my thoughts and prayers daily.. I also have not heard from Cyndra or LL.. I did read the thread about abandonholism that was on LL's thread.. It was very interesting and also made me look inward at what I had been going through with Pondscum..

Like I have mentioned, I have been keeping myself very busy with work and with my friends. Lately, however, I have been having very vivid dreams.. Last night I had a dream that I was in a car as a passenger with Pondscum who was the driver. He drove the car on the top of water to his house where we had gone inside. I retrieved two of my lizards and said goodbye to his family. In this dream, his mother told me that he had been going on a dating service and had his second date with a girl. He was standing outside with me and he told me that the first date was alright but she was not even close as being like me.. Then I had met the woman that he had told me about. Then I looked back at him standing in front of his house with this woman and I continued to get on a bicycle and ride home with a container with my bearded dragons..
I looked up the symbols on a dream interpretation web site.
I think that I am finally letting go and saying goodbye to him...
The last time we spoke was last Monday. He had left a voice message on my cell phone saying that he had not called me over the previous weekend because he was busy. So I called him back and he said that he really did not do too much over the weekend.. He asked me how I was doing and I said that I was good. He asked me to call him when I was on my break during work. I never called him back. He called a few times since then but I did not answer the phone and he did not leave a voice message.. (I am sorry if I am repeating myself).. It is over, GG.. I know in my heart that I do not have the same feelings for him anymore and I certainly do deserve much better than the way in which he had treated me..
My friends have done for me --especially in regards to doing projects around my house than he ever did in the 4 years that I had been with him..
I am going to take your advice and continue to have such a positive feeling about letting go because I feel that I am finally feeling better about myself.. and I know that the only way in which I will continue to grow is by not talking to him or having any type of contact with him anymore.
thanks for listening. I miss you GG..

love,
*PONDSCUM FREE NEED*

January 23, 2007
3:26 am
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ggfred4
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Dear sweet need,
Yes, it has been quite the mental adjustment to not hear from our sisters on a regular basis. If we watch out, LL and cyn pop in occasionally and that makes me happy to know that they are still around. Remember that mich is just on a break and will return, okay? It will NEVER be the same need, never. It took me a long to accept it, a long time. I keep thinking that everything is for a reason, but the pain is yet still there, but I try to keep the positive.

I am so proud of you need, so very proud. You seem to be moving in the right direction. Even if you have contact, you are not letting it set you back. You sound so much stronger and I believe you must have some great friends surrounding you with support. I am so happy for you.

I started back at work and it was one long day, but gosh, just love those kids.

Take care sweet need, and thanks for seeking me out. I need to apologize for not doing likewise to you or the other sisters. I think it gives me false hope to seek any of you out, like calling out the formation of the sisterhood, maybe??? I maybe afraid there will be no responses and you know i have these abandonment issues. So thanks, sweet girl...love you!

January 24, 2007
12:46 am
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needtoheal
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GG--

I am so glad that you have returned to work.. I know that it will take some time to get back into the swing of things but I know that you can do it..

I am continuing to do well.. Like I mentioned, I miss all my sisters.. I still look back at those days in October when we were all together and I appreciate all the time we spent talking and sharing our experiences with one another.. I know that it came at the right moment for me.. and i will always appreciate having the sisterhood bond..

Pondscum sent a text message telling me that he misses me-- my beauty, my smile, my laugh, the boys, Mandy and everything else.. That is HIS LOSS!!!!!!

I understand how you feel about the abandonment issues.. (like if you call out to your sisters and do not get a response)...

I just want you to know that you are a very special and important person in my life and no matter what happens, I will always hold you close in my heart.. I love you Green Grapes!!

I love you...

January 24, 2007
12:08 pm
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Friendma
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((((NEED)))) Sorry to pop in on ya'lls thread but I just need a second. I just want ya to know Need that I'm thinkin of ya and hope that you are doin well. I miss ya! I'm sendin ya out love and hugs! Take care of you.

January 24, 2007
1:36 pm
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ggfred4
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Thank you need for the loving post. I will never forget the bond either as it will always hold a special place in my heart. About the abandonment issues and responses; I too have thought about leaving the site recently and moving on for awhile. I have stayed to keep in contact with a few close people such as you, fm, bev, mamac, kroika, and army...(sorry, if I forgot someone)
I want to desperately believe the aac will be a stepping stone on my road to healing, yet, I still hold some pain in its path. The pain has definitely lessoned, thank goodness. I believe it will fade in time and that life lessons will be learned from that situation. I just must be a slow learner! I am grateful to this site for meeting some of the most intelligent and compassionate people in my life. I have learned through others and their stories.

You are so precious need and I am so proud of YOU!!! take care and hugs.....gg

January 24, 2007
6:09 pm
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needtoheal
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Thank you GG for those kind words.. I love and care about you and I do understand how you feel about sometimes feeling about being a slow learner! It had taken me a LONG time to finally be able to let go and move on in regards to my ex-husband (the famous Slugshit) and also Pondscum..

with love,
NEEd

January 24, 2007
6:10 pm
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needtoheal
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Friendma--

I am so glad that you did pop in to say hello and give hugs.. I have been keeping you and your family in my thoughts..
Hope all is well..

love,
NEED

January 25, 2007
3:28 pm
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Hi GG,

How are you and the leg doing? I know you have gone back to work. I hope that it's getting easier.

I know the PT is a pain, both literally and figuratively. Remember, the end results will be worth it.

Love,
Cyndra

January 25, 2007
3:57 pm
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ggfred4
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Hey cyn,
Glad to hear from you...I am doing fine. I hope you are doing well too...miss you....gg

February 1, 2007
9:07 am
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needtoheal
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I just wanted to say hello GG and that I am thinking about you... I love you my sister.. Hope all is well with you and your family!!

NEED

Oh, that is

*****PONDSCUM FREE NEED ******

April 15, 2007
11:50 pm
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needtoheal
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GG--

I just want you to know that although I have not posted much recently, I am thinking of you and hold you close to my heart each day..
I have been going through a difficult time right now..
How things have changed in looking back since the last post here since two months ago.. I am no longer PS Free since I have since chosen to be in contact with him on occasion. However, I am now determined that I need to be JC Free.. I am now more determined than ever to becoming healthy again and I am trying as best as possible to be focused on taking care of ME and the boys.
Your nephews are doing well.. They were both sick over Easter but have since recovered. The viral infections that they had just had to run its course.
Report cards for the third marking period were issued last week. (M) did well although his grades did go down in the subject areas in which he has the most difficulty. In addition, the writing content in all subject areas have increased. Therefore, his grades also have been affected. However, overall he managed to get 2 high C's and the rest A's and B's.
(J) did excellent this past marking period. He got 4 A's and 2 B's in his major subject areas. The most decrease he has was in Spelling in which he dropped from a 95 to a 91!!

I hope all is well with you.. I am sure you are having much warmer weather where you are located.!!

I miss you.. Love you, NEED

April 16, 2007
12:20 am
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(((sweet need))) I was so glad to hear from you. I am so sorry you are having a hard time. As far as the PS/JC free, be free from whatever will hurt you and keep you from moving forward in life in a healthy manner.

Sorry the boys were sick...With the problems you have shared about M, that was a pretty good report card.
Keep me posted on their latest creative endeavors. I love reading them!!!

Take care of YOURSELF need...

Love you,
gg

April 16, 2007
12:54 am
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needtoheal
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thanks gg for the encouraging and motivating words.. I have composed a list of things that i like to do by myself since i often have a difficult time when i am alone without the boys.
Yes, I am so proud of {M} for his report card. He does try the best that he can. He just gets discouraged because he cannot do the same things as easily as the others can.. His godmother is his teacher this year and I know that she does the best that she can to encourage him as much as possible.. I know that she cannot show favoritism in class, but she does have a special way of interacting with him since they are close and have bonded since he was born.. He also seeks advice and motivation from other family members too. He is close with my parents who accept him for HIM!! That is important for him to know that he is loved no matter what..
He knows that there are a lot of people who love and care about him.. I am so glad. I hate it when his self-esteem suffers.. I am trying as best as I can to help him embrace his ADD and his learning disability and to understand that no matter what he is doing his best and that is what matters..
love to you... NEED

April 16, 2007
12:59 am
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needtoheal
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Yes, I do understand the statement about being free from whatever causes me to feel hurt & keeps me from moving forward in a healthy manner... I know that I am in control and that I will not let others to control me anymore. I am done with this.. I am also done with allowing others to make me feel guilty for what they themselves can make decisions for and take responsibility for in their own life.

love,
NEED

May 1, 2007
11:08 pm
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needtoheal
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GG---

I just want to say that I love you and I hope that all is well with you.. I miss you soo much my sister.
I know that I have not posted in a long time but I want you to know that I love you and all of my sisters!!!

I have been taking care of MYSELF. For some reason, I have gotten into a HUGE SPRING CLEANING!!! I have gotten this place all organized!!! There is no more laundry piled anymore, dishes are done, puppies are taken care of and there is even time for me to sit down and relax. CLeaning seems to be a stress-buster!

I love you

thinking of you
NEED

May 1, 2007
11:44 pm
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Thanks so much sweet need for the post. Cleaning is a great stress-buster! That reminds me of something. Once I took this survey that asked how you release stress and I wrote clean and organize the house. My youngest daughter saw it and said, "Gosh, mom, you must be highly stressed, because you are always cleaning and organizing!" LOL

I am so glad you are taking care of YOURSELF...that is what I need to do NOW. Everytime I say I am going to, I tend to move in a different direction...

Love you sis,

gg

May 2, 2007
10:19 pm
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needtoheal
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And I love you too ...

missing you..

you are in my thoughts

love,
NEED

May 3, 2007
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(((need)))

Hoping that you are ok....

Mich

May 6, 2007
8:20 am
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needtoheal
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Hi GG and Mich--

I am ok.. Still working on cleaning and getting this house more organized.. It is definitely a stress-buster!!!

JC is still pushing to be with me again..

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