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Mind over Matter
May 31, 2005
10:19 am
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Anonymous
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I have come to the conclusion that the power of mind is the best thing. I KNOW that if I just keep telling myself when I miss jack that I don't miss him, and SAY it out loud, and then also state that IT is over, that will help me alot more.

I think.

Has anyone experienced this?

May 31, 2005
10:26 am
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2bstrong
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Yes, aces. I have been doing the very same thing!

I've been telling myself for a little more than 3 weeks that I never want to see or hear from him again. Even though, in my heart of hearts, I don't really mean it. I just keep thinking that one day I will really feel that way, or at the very least, not care at all if I ever see or hear from him.

2b

May 31, 2005
10:28 am
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2b I have heard it works though. That even if it isn't true the more you start to say it, the more you believe it.

We can do this. I know we can. It has been two months of no contact for me, and I KNOW I can do this. There is better out there than him.

for BOTH of us.

(((HUGS)))))

May 31, 2005
10:46 am
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lollipop3
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Aces-----I've been doing the same thing myself....the situation is a bit different but for myself, everytime I start obsessing about what I can do, I say out loud.....

THIS IS NOT MINE TO FIX

It seems to be working for me

I hope this helped,

Lolli

May 31, 2005
10:48 am
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It does, I have heard so many people say that is what you need to do. if we dwell on missing someone, we will miss them more.

I also think that the healthier we are, with what we eat, working out, not drinking, the better it is and better we feel.

I am going to try to start doing that more.

May 31, 2005
11:46 am
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peacesoul
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Aces, can I suggest something to you?
I see from your other post you're not too into this new guy b/c you keep thinking about Mr Jack !

Do you think that maybe you should just stop all contact with all men for a certain amount of time in order to heal and let go of Mr. Jack?

Of course it's so normal to want to find someone else to replace the loss we feel, but it does make one feel worse. From the time I've been reading your posts, you've been with one lad or another and I think this has hurt your soul more than healed it.

After my ex dumped my butt, I was dating 2 guys, but once it came down to having sex, I could not do it knowing I could not allow my emotions to be drowned out by other men.
So I just sat in my wounds for 4 months solid without even thinking about another guy. It gave me time to reflect and get over my ex.

When I broke up with my ex of 11 yrs over 5 years ago, I went from one guy to the next in hopes to get over the loss of my ex. Well that break-up took me 2 years to get over. What I was doing with being with many men after that break-up was instead of healing, I was escaping reality of the situation.

So for this break-up, I was SANS man for 4 months and just took that time to BE ALONE and find my true self. Of course I am not totally there yet and in no way am ready for a relationship (just yet), but I have "dated" this new dude and it was fun and I was emotionally strong enough to handle it.

Not sure if you tried this, but this really worked for me.

Just a suggestion

May 31, 2005
11:54 am
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kc30
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I dunno about this one...I believe in "fake it til you make it" but I also am wary about denying feelings. If you miss him...you miss him. The real question is WHY??????

Everytime your mind wanders to him...ask yourself WHY and get to work on figuring out why you want this terrible, gay man? What is your payoff? What are you getting out of this?

That's what's worked the best for me...rather than trying to block thoughts of him...I try to replace them by turning inside.

Yeah....it's working really well too right now...ha!!

I tried "mind over matter"...but was in total denial about how I really felt. Left me too vulnerable, and I ended up letting my feelings take over after one too many glasses of wine...and presto! Baby 3.

Fake it til you make it, but deal with the feelings too.

kc

May 31, 2005
11:54 am
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Anonymous
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Peace- i do agree with you. I have been going here and there with many men. I guess I am just trying to go out and have fun. At times I am not trying to replace my ex, and at other times I guess I am.

I think that the reason it has been so hard for me this time is that I never really thought or think it is over. We always end up going back to eachother in some sense or another.

I just have to keep it in my mind that it is truly over, because if you never believe it is, then you will never move on.

I was his rebound from his ex, and now I am doing the same to other people.

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