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Mind of the Married Man
September 12, 2001
12:48 pm
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Cici
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September 24, 2010
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I was killing time before late-night yoga last night and flipped to HBO and saw a new drama, supposedly like "Sex in the City" for men. I had to see what these writers came up with, so I called in my husband and we had the giggles while we watched.

The story was that a man with a wife and a toddler got caught looking at porn on the internet by his wife, who got upset. They argued about it basically the whole show, one night here, during dinner there, in a taxicab, before bed, you know the drill.

She was upset because she was tired when got home from work, had to take care of the baby, didn't feel sexual. He felt badly and tried to stop. So both of them ended up unhappy.

So I wanted some perspective on this, because personally I think it's fine to masturbate, be ye woman or man, go forth! ha ha ha. Seriously, though. How can one person in a relationship expect the other to have exactly the same sex drive? I accept that my sex drive is somewhat less than my husband's sex drive, so why should I try and force him to stop pleasuring himself?

Granted, there is a huge difference between going to chat rooms and registering on online dating services, which I've read on other threads, and just looking at porn. One involves motivation and action while the other just involves passive observing.

Basically, I'm really trying to understand both sides of the fence here. Obviously I understand why in couples where the two have different sex drives, one may masturbate. I just don't get why the other would get angry about that?

September 12, 2001
1:07 pm
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Molly
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I think most of it has to do with ignorance, and the way of up bringing.
So many women were tought it is dirty.Most women do not understand the males sex drive, the age etc. Imagine how once we get it that they want/need on a certain basis, then it gets stopped. They need to educate sexuality in some different way, so we all have a better understanding.

Then there is the what happened experience, same old same old, and then all of a sudden the mate changes on you different things, approaches, intrudicing new options, and how do you process that with out hurt feelngs, or trust issues, or ultimately a fight?

September 12, 2001
1:28 pm
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Cici
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I guess it also has to do with how you view porn. It doesn't register on my radar at all because I'm completely neutral towards porn. I mean, I've had classes in feminism where we talk about female exploitation, but I feel like the women in porn chose to be in porn, so what can I say about it? It's private morality.

But I know some women are extremely offended by porn.

It's funny to me that "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" was such a hit, because it seems like a fairly obvious conclusion. Men and women are socialized differently, so they communicate differently and have different needs.

September 12, 2001
1:47 pm
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sue2001
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I don't mind him LOOKING at porn... there are some things that I like to look at also... the thing is I don't look at things that are innappropiate i.e. underage, teen, and same sex... I have no problem with him masterbating... I do it... I expect him too... but I can't tolerate the lieing I Told him that I don't mind him looking at the porn... I don't mind that he likes that stuff and he knows he is doing this secret stuff for mind games I guess, I don't know what his motivation is...I think he thinks that it is wrong any way and that is why he does it in secret... any way.. I am not against it ....

September 12, 2001
2:55 pm
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Molly
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Martians are different, I didn't have a clue as to my ex- husbands frequent masturbation until I caught him 10 years into the marriage, I thought it was embaressing, and must have been good, as I wasn't real quiet, perhaps he wanted me to join?????
My current husband is very private about it, and shakes his head, when I as if he has pleanty of soap. he is real two faced with the porno thing, and is inconsistant with it. That bothers me, but I think he is into pretty straight stuff. I asked him, boldly upon reconcilliation, why do you bother, when you look at it, you are so serious, and detached, more excitememt on the cooking channel, he said it was his machisimo. Now what does that mean?
Its the lieing, sneaking, and with holding that makes us crazy, and sue you have good reason to be upset. Whish sometimes I could get into mates computer, but if there is anything it would be on his office computer. But then what would I do with it, we are all entitled to some privacy, right? Its just that damn trust thing.

September 14, 2001
3:20 pm
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rckhor
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Sorry for disturb, im wandering if let say a girl ask u where to get the porn website n video cd. What should a man do???

September 14, 2001
6:41 pm
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Molly
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Well, it all depends on your boundry lines, if your not into it, take a stand, just say no, if you are into it, say whoppee.
Makes no difference if your man or woman, the same applies.

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