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Midnite bedtimer just married 9:00 PM bedtimer. HELP! [Ma Strong]
January 18, 2007
4:47 pm
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nappy
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The one lady that I ask (she have been married for 35 years) said that it is a form of (control sex) or (control of not knowing what the woman is doing while he is in there laying down).
I think that this subject is funny because why do you have to adjust to his sleeping pattern when you have been doing what you did when you was single.
I agree with Loralei, I would have at least two bedroom because I don't think that I could even stand for my husband to tell me that it is time to go to bed. Please, who he would think he is MY DADDY (SMILE)

January 18, 2007
4:53 pm
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smarterone
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Strong
Amazing, i am going thru the same issue.. My b/f, i have been living with about a year, i know you have read other stuff on me. My stbx husband is in prison anad gets out one year. Just filed for divorce today. Dont plan on marrying either. But, this man gets up at 4, isnt silent either, comes home dragging ass at 6 or 7 depend on traffic. Has to take a BATH, oooh that bothers me, dont know why, falls sleep by 8-9, I go to bed late. Habit, thats when i relax and dont have to do anything for anyone, not that there is anyone here. But he is also tired on wkends and we are still doing nothing. He is happy with a cup of coffee, cigs, and sleep. I feel like i live alone and now am getting used to it, just keep depositing the bill money and we are ok.

January 18, 2007
5:22 pm
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doubleloss
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sleep is such a necessity, perhaps the separate bedrooms is a good idea, (OK, I don't like it but it might just be the practical way to deal with this).

as you know this little/silly things are what end up breaking up relationships, if he becomes sleep deprived and grouchy, and you resentful for changing (or trying) to change your own biorythms it's not good.

my sister's husband likes to sleep and sleep, so she stays on the sofa watching TV or goes out and gets to bed when she is ready for it, as she says: "it's really not that thrilling to watch him sleep....!!" they've been married for 11 yrs and about to pop their first child. remember: negotiate, don't compromise.

just my 2 cents. LOVE you double

January 18, 2007
6:16 pm
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taj64
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Do you remember having a baby and having to adjust when the baby came? this is no different. New change, new adjustments. You will do fine. Try not to read too much into this and just let it happen naturally. There is not a problem until there is a problem. I think you're going to do just fine and I think it is nice to have a man in your life and one that wants you next to him. It is called the honeymoon period. Enjoy it while you can and like having a new baby, you lose a little sleep at first but you go on and it settles into routine whatever that ends up being.

January 18, 2007
7:29 pm
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lollipop3
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Okay....after reading this thread I found it interesting that there are so many of us whose husbands or boyfriends want us to go to bed at the same time as them so I decided to ask b/f why that is.....

My question.....why do men want us to go to bed at the same time and why does it matter?

He responded by saying that for him.....it is the only time of the day that he really gets to relax and it is a comfort to him to have me with him. He also said he thought of it as a time of "bonding".

Good answer I thought.

He went on to say that no one should get "angry" if the other person doesn't want to go to bed at the same time and that if he/she does get angry...to him, that would indicate a problem.

Just figured I would share a man's perspective on the subject.

January 19, 2007
12:56 am
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turnabout
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And how strange that we aren't hearing from the other end of the spectrum ... the ones wanting their partner to go to bed at the same time.

January 19, 2007
7:20 am
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lollipop3
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Hummmm....interesting.

January 19, 2007
9:13 am
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risingfromtheashes
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I have had two kinds of boyfriends.

one wanted to snuggle and spoon long after he fell asleep.

and two others that decided that it's time to "go to our corners" to sleep.

And for me...I LOVE cuddling, but when I am finally ready to SLEEP, I can't have someone breathing on my neck, or his heavy arm on my chest, etc. I sleep on my tummy, so I can't fall asleep in the spooning position.

Going to our "corner" was a great way of having our space but being connected...often, our feet or hands were touching.

When I was dating the spooner, I would lay there, enjoying the snuggle time, but once he fell asleep, I would pry myself out from under his embrace and move to my side to sleep.

Or, I would adjust until I was comfortable...depending on how close I wanted him. When it was hot out, I needed space...when it was cold out, it was nice to have body heat.

Anyway, you have to respect eachothers needs when it comes to sleep...cuz sleep deprivation sucks.

I DO understand that whole thing of going to bed alone while your partner stays in the other room...for me, it felt weird.

If they weren't home, it was one thing, but if they were home and downstairs watching tv or playing on the computer...it bothered me.

BUT - if we retired to the bedroom, I didn't mind if he stayed up watching tv or reading or playing on his laptop while I went to sleep...it was a compromise.

Now I am dating someone that decides when it's time for both of us to go to sleep - without asking me. I do not like that at all. My ex used to say "are you ready to go to sleep or do you want the remote?" and then roll over and go to sleep himself and let me do what I needed to do.

But yeah, I don't know how I would adjust knowing someone is kicking around in the house long after I went to sleep...but then again, I am not a night owl and don't know how people can stay up late anyway.

January 19, 2007
9:57 am
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nappy
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This is one post that I really got a kick out of. Just because I didn't know that SLEEP was one of the things that can cause a disagreement in a marriage or in any relationship.
When I was going through it with my ex when we were living together, I didn't give it much thought about why he was angry sometime when it was time to go to bed. I am a night owl sometimes when I have things that I want to get done. I guess I have always been like that growing up because I could never clean or get things done while everyone was up and in the way. He was a early bird and always got up early. I knew that I had to get up to because I had a job to go to but him telling me when to go to bed, I couldn't figure out why I was getting angry because it was him telling me what to do. Then it would be so funny because when I would finally get into bed, now mind you, (he went to bed early), he would always turn toward me because that was his way of wanting sex but once I started to figure out what he was doing, I would always turn the other way. I'm in the bed now and I am going to sleep.(smile)
It was funny because I had to ask guys that questions and they all responded with the answers that it was a type of control. I said that also because why would you get mad because that person is not in the bed with you when you go to bed. If you in the mood and want sex, the person should say something but acting like a child, the respond would be, go in there and lay your self down somewhere and go to sleep! (smile)

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