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* * * * * * *~MICH~* * * * * * *
November 7, 2006
7:47 am
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cyndra820
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Mich,

I’m sorry I wasn’t around yesterday to post. I was getting caught up on the thread when FIB called (No, d Need, he isn’t the ex-FIB because he still is a Fucking Idiot Boy). I’ll tell about that another time.

Anywho, you are NOT worthless. I value your friendship, love and support more than you know. You are a vital part of my life, even if I don’t always hug you. I would miss you beyond words if you left here. You are so important to me!! Woman, if you leave I will have to come find you!!!

As for taking my head off, you did it what? Twice? I NEVER took it personally!!! Please understand that. My only concern was for you to get the love and support you needed from GG, LL, Need or whoever else you needed it from. I was concerned about YOU, Mich. That’s it.

Mich, I won’t even pretend to understand about the loss of never having another baby. It must be devastating when you love children so much. I love children and want them, but having never held my own, I can’t comprehend what the loss means to you. I am sorry that hit you and hurt you so much. I wish I had words to bring a small measure of comfort, but I don’t. All I can do is hold you close, stroke your hair and tell you that I am sorry you are hurting and that I love you very much.

Mich, do you realize we’ve all lied at some point in our lives to get what we want? Don’t think because you hate what you did that you aren’t worthy of us. You are definitely worthy of our love and friendship. We don’t hand those out to just anyone you know. We give them to people we believe have value, even when they can’t quite see it themselves.

You have NEVER been selfish. You have given and given and given. You need us right now and I know we are more than glad to give to you. You are not a selfish bitch, no matter what your mother may have said. You are a warm, caring, loving, giving woman who is a very dear friend of mine. I don’t like selfish bitches, let alone love them. I love you, Mich, from the bottom of my heart.

Just because I made the afghan doesn’t mean I made the Afghan Sisterhood or created the love and safety that makes us sisters around this cyber object. Remember, love makes us sisters. We have a special bond OVER the afghan, not because of it.

I doubt you scared the shit out of Jim. I don’t know how long he’s been a therapist, but I’m sure he’s read case studies worse than you. He may be scared FOR you, but not because of you. IF he’s scared FOR you he will let you know. Believe me.

Mandy, I want you to take care of yourself. Do what’s best for you. Don’t worry about us. You aren’t letting us down. You aren’t letting me down. The only way you could do that is to NOT take care of you. But then you would be letting yourself down more.

How can you hold us back? You can’t. I like the experience Kroika related to us. I’m not going anywhere without you Mich. I will put you in a pram and WHEEL you with the rest of us. Kinda like the Footprints in the Sand story. Mich, I am NOT leaving you. I will stay with you and hold you until you are strong enough to continue.

Mich, I want you to view the sisterhood as I do, a place of refuge. You can say whatever you want, we understand. You need to have a place where you can vent and you can do that here.

I love you very much. You are my sister in every way except the physical. So, don't leave, don't be afraid to share, and always remember I can boink you over the head like LL!!!

(((Mich)))

Love,
Cyndra

November 7, 2006
8:09 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Cyndra...

Thanks a lot. I was reminded last night of why I am here. I know that my heart is in the right place...I do. I know that healing CAN come from this, IF I allow it to. I love you guys SO much. I just can't stand the thought that I might hold you back. I just have to tell myself that I can't. Your progress, your choice....RIGHT? MY progress, my choice!! I am in the right place, and I know that.

The letter you wrote me this morning means a lot to me. I admit it, I cannot read you to save my life. I just hope you know that I love you and I care about you, and I am GLAD that you are my sister...I need you all right now, maybe a little more than I should, but I do.

Thanks for everything Cyn. I so appreciate you. Your letter to me brought tears to my eyes....

I LOVE YOU SIS.

Mandy

p.s. Just continue to hold me for a little while of you don't mind..thanks.

November 7, 2006
8:35 am
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needtoheal
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Good morning CYndra and MICh

*******my sisters********

Cyndra-- sorry about wanting to refer to him as an ex... I am in that mode of thinking right now.. so I am sorry

Mich-- I do love you and I am so glad that we were together last night with LL, GG, and Friendma

Have a good day and I will chat with you both soon

Holding you both

love,
need

November 7, 2006
9:18 am
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cyndra820
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Mich,

Not to worry, I won't let you go all day. I will hold you close. Believe me, I always hold you close because you are very special to me.

As for not being able to read me, it's a process. I'm not always readable, but always know that I love you and am here for you. I think the world of you and my world would not be the same without you.

Your Loving Sister,
Cyndra

November 7, 2006
5:47 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Cyn are you around somewhere? I am holding you sweet sister...but I want to talk to you for a minute..

November 7, 2006
6:02 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Just came back to re-read your original post to me,because I needed it. I am going to print it off, so I can read it when I need to. Going to put it in my purse...

November 7, 2006
8:59 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Can I chat with you here for a minute? I am being snotty on other threads and I am bout to blow a nut on someone...SO PISSED. Anyways, I want to talk to you for a sec if you've got one...

November 7, 2006
9:03 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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i am holding you too promise...

November 7, 2006
9:17 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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CYNDRA? Where have you gone?

November 8, 2006
9:32 am
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cyndra820
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Mich,

I owe you an apology. I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you. I thought you had wanted me to go here to read what you wrote. I'm so sorry!!! I feel like an idiot.

If you have the energy and still want to talk, I'm here. If not, I'll understand. You've been through a lot these past few days.

I love and will never let you go. I will hold you until you tell me to stop.

Love,
Cyn

November 8, 2006
10:01 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Cyn,

You are ok. Don't worry about it. LL ended up dealing with most of it. When I couldn't find her, I wanted you to read what I had writen to her in libs...Actually it was the email that I sent Jim, and the one that he returned, and then, the one that I sent as a reply to you. I just needed someone to talk to. You need not feel bad that you were not available to me last night, please. I was just so scared....not exactly as if that feeling has left...Pretty much a mess...but I guess I will be ok at some point...

November 8, 2006
10:15 am
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cyndra820
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Mich,

I know how it is to be scared. When I had my break down at the end of my marriage I was terrified I was going to die. I just hurt so badly all the time.

I will make a better effort to be a better sister.

Love you!!

November 8, 2006
10:18 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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Please don't see yourself short..you are a wonderful sister, and I love you with all of my heart, Cyn. Thanks for being you.

Mich

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