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Meyers-Briggs/Socionics types and codependency
November 1, 2005
5:41 pm
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AstralGlamour
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I was wondering if specific meyers-briggs personalilty types are more prone to codependency.

I usually test out as a meyers-briggs INFP, and as a Socionics INFJ (P and J are reversed between meyers-briggs and Socionics).

I have several codependency traits, mostly being a 'rescuer' type and all the problems that ensue from such a thing.
I was/am in a relationship with someone who has proven to be emotionally unavailable (big surprise) and I'm having a hard time detaching myself from this. Especially since I have the intense desire to take care of her.
I know in my mind that this is futile, that I only have control of myself. It's hard getting that message to my heart though. That's kind of off topic, but I just wanted to do a little introduction.

November 1, 2005
10:10 pm
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Matteo
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"I usually test out as a meyers-briggs INFP, and as a Socionics INFJ (P and J are reversed between meyers-briggs and Socionics)"

Would you please decode?

November 1, 2005
10:43 pm
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lost and found
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where did you do these tests? on the internet?

November 2, 2005
12:24 am
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AstralGlamour
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Here is a link to a free Myers-Briggs test:
http://similarminds.com/jung.html

Here is a link to a Socionics test:
http://www.the16types.info/beginners.php

I've done most of the tests online, yes. From a variety of sites. I don't always get the same results, but more often than not, I'll get INFP or INFJ.

November 2, 2005
12:26 am
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kkay
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Introverted, iNntuitive, Feeling, and P is leaving things open (not closed)

This is very interesting question to me as I have often wondered this myself.

My thoughts are though that learning what your feelings are and expressing them at an early age is more key to the codependent problem than the personality/charicteristics of an individual.

And what about a reverse, that the experiences in upbringing leads to an individual learning to respond in certain ways more often than not which denotes personality/charicteristics?

Something like this: These 'tests' are based upon Psychologist Jung's studies/findings and categorizing of the way that people react in given situations. There are 16 different combinations of the following letter codes - E(extroverted), or I(intuitive), S(sensing) or N, F(feeling) or T (thinking), P or J(closed, finished - probably all accountants?). The idea is that we all use these different responses depending on the situation, but you get labeled based upon the way you respond MOSTLY.

You can get the descriptions of the different types and ways of responding from the internet, but I do not know if the tests are available online. Try typing in INFP into search on the web and you will find lots of interesting info. Frequently the other types will be available for you to click on once you have a website open.

November 2, 2005
12:40 am
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AstralGlamour
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I guess I was wondering if iNtuitive Feeling types tend to exhibit codependency more than people who are predominantly Sensory and Thinking types.

I started going to a therapist a few months ago and reading books on codependency. I'm not sure if my problems stem from how I was raised, or if it was a specific event. Nature vs. nurture. Or maybe a combination of the two.

November 2, 2005
12:43 am
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kkay
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Also, my Mom is an INFP and a good friend I know is the same - same temperament, same position in relationship with the husband, same, same, same. It doesn't surprise me that I became close friends with her as its so familiar. So I feel that I have a good understanding of this rare type.

The one thing that always stood out when I read about INFP's is the feeling for many of them of being separated from oneself, as if to be looking down from above at yourself or your life. This always sounded like disassociating with oneself (or feelings) to me.

I test out (X)NF(X) which is about even on the introverted/extroverted and on the open/closed. Its no wonder I cannot find an occupation I feel passionate about to pursue in life. I am much too flexible and there are too many job 'fits' for me, so it seems that they are not a passionate fit. Blah, I'm too old for this whirlybird I keep riding.

November 2, 2005
12:50 am
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AstralGlamour
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I know what you mean about passionate fit in regards to occupation. I hardly ever test out as Extrovert, but almost always INFx (INTx at times too), and I'm actually very competent in my job; but it's the kind of job that strikes me as 'unnecessary in the grand scheme of things' and thus inspires little passion in me anymore. It is very comfortable though, and it's very nice to have at least one thing in my life that I excel at.

November 2, 2005
1:33 am
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kkay
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Here is what I have gathered over the years. I am no expert of course, this is just my onion - err, opinion.

NF types are complicated to understand in the feelings areas, not only for others but for themselves. And they are endless soul searching types. Have you felt like you needed to go find out about yourself and put labels on your feelings as I did? That's when I discovered the INFP info.

I believe that nature plays a roll - my son was born very sensitive and it was immediately obvious to my mother. Like on day 3 of his life, she commented about his sensitivity. It really spooked me when she said it because it felt like I was at the fortune tellers or at a fire with a Medicine Man. I never forgot this and she was sooooo right.

This website definitely made sense to me. Check this one out:

http://www.allaboutcounseling......ndency.htm

Specifically look at: Why do we become codependent? What causes it?

** Also note the end of the page that discusses therapists having their own codependent problems

I married my Dad so to speak and it has taken me years to see this. My Dad and my husband are emotionally unavailable. I didn't realize this for a long time because I did not get much therapy and when I did, it was not quality.

At first, I categorized my Dad as 'angry', but wouldn't have categorized him as emotionally unavailable because I lived in the ignore your emotions household. CONFUSION! The downfall is that early in our relationship, my husband watched his p's and q's and so I didn't catch on to this part of him. I know though that it takes two to tango and I did my part to bring this out in him.

They are emotionally unavailable when you meet them, but why isn't it evident (to me) and how to identify it in the future if I became widowed or divorced? Frequently 'being in love' in the beginning is named as the culprit that clouds the reality - or is it that there is an underlying sense of not knowing why you still want to be involved with this person (but you just do).

Mostly what is taught online widely is that without counseling and learning to relate to others better, the same thing goes on and again.

Good luck!

November 2, 2005
2:31 am
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AstralGlamour
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I'm definitely a soul-searching type of person, so what you say about NF's doesn't surprise me.

And about how they're emotionally unavailable even when you first meet them: haha! That's so true for my case. I mean I knew she was the type of person that really has trouble letting people in/being in relationships prior to our romantic involvement. Of course, that didn't stop me from getting involved and putting on the rose colored glasses and kinda forgetting what I knew about her. She was worth taking that chance to me....and still is; even though I know that right now she can't give me what I need, and that those needs should be met by myself if we are to have anything healthy, let alone whatever healing she needs to do on her end. It's a complex situation basically.

I first started going to therapy because I noticed a pattern in my behavior, and that pattern was that I base waaaay too much of my esteem on how others see me; and also the whole rescuer thing.

Thanks for the link and the insights kkay!

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