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Met beau before holidays got engaged quick
January 8, 2003
2:01 pm
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In a local watering hole that I go on weekends, I met someone that developed rather quickly into a torrid live affair. I brought up the subject of getting married, because I despise the idea of fornicating as a way of life. After carrying on about 2 months and Christmas was looming, he asked me to marry him. After the tedious search for a ring, I do have an engagement ring. 3 days after I am wearing his ring, he punches me in the lip leaving it busted and in the cheek which was just left sort of red for a couple of hours. The reason, I have 2 children and as we were leaving the house together for a short errand leaving the children at the T.V., I changed the T.V. from the stupid Fear Factor to public television and he changed it back because there was a good looking girl performing some stunt. I said (in my mommy tone) no leave it back where I had it. We then left and got in the car and he said before we drove off, do not ever use that tone in front of the kids, I began to argue my point which was the fact that my kids watch what I say they do and after going back and forth between 2 very different points: his and mine - he hit me twice. I have not seen him since ane everytime I call and want to discuss the issue he hangs up on me. I know this seems obvious to most people what to do, but go ahead and tell me. I have been called hard headed in my day. I feel so despeate for a relationship that I am willing to take this??!! Please advise.

January 8, 2003
2:54 pm
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It seems to me like you got engaged pretty quickly, but that's OK. Just because you are engaged to someone does not mean that you have to marry them. At the very least, I would call off the engagement while you sort this out, and if you are living together, get separate places to ensure your safety. Logging a case with the police is a good idea as well, in case this should happen again you have a history and a file already begun. Long engagements are sometimes a very good idea, to give both people time to show their true colors and see if you can live with them.

I'm not saying absolutely that the two of you can't work things out, but the fact that he won't discuss what happened or admit that he was wrong to hit you does not bode well. He is also criticizing how you raise your kids (and by the way I applaud your taking control and an interest in what your kids watch), and it's really none of his business, he sounds very controlling.

So with the immediate concerns out of the way, dig deeper. Why the rush to get married so quickly? Are you looking for a father for your children? If so, where is their real father? You mention "fornicating as a way of life". Getting married just to make sex "legal" in the eyes of the church or according to some standard of morality is not the right reason. Why else did you want to marry this man? Because you love him? Or because you believe that he would make a good life partner? How long has it been since your last relationship?

January 8, 2003
3:48 pm
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My opinion? End it. There is absolutely no reason to be hit. And this was over what the kids were going to watch on TV? No way. What happens when more serious issues come up that need discussion and you have different points of view? Sounds like this man has some issues to deal with.

How much do you really know about this man? Does he have a history of abuse? What about your kids? He hit you, would he hit the kids?

If nothing else...at least some time before getting married to find out if this could really work.

January 8, 2003
5:14 pm
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I saw fear factor for the first time this week and I definitely wouldn't want my children watching it.

It was disgusting, morbid, and plain disturbing to me.

Were you abused as a child? Have you ever been abused by a boyfriend?

Hitting is not something that I find acceptable. Give him back the ring. Life is too short to deal with physical abuse. No one ever deserves to be hit, children included.

January 8, 2003
5:50 pm
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Oh my...this has NOTHING to do with Fear Factor or a mommy voice or kids...this man struck you and more than once. Take it from someone who knows-give him the ring back NOW! HE isn't someone who you want to be involved with. This behavior only escalates and could also involve your children some day. GET OUT NOW!

January 8, 2003
7:15 pm
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Annabelle, you KNOW the answer, but okay, I'll say it for you.

If I were you, I would never call him again, see him again, speak to him again, allow him to see my children again. Plain and simple. There is MUCH more to this on both sides than a simple disagreement. You have much more to lose here than him....your children, their well-being, their safety, their respect for their mom, their respect for themselves in the long run. End this mistake RIGHT NOW. There is no need to counsel, no need to try to work it out, there is no working it out with so much at stake. He has years of anger and problems that you have not known him long enough to know about. If it was just you with no kids, I'd still say end it, but if you had to bog down your life with it, okay, it would be only you. This man hit you TWICE, not just once and instantly apologized and begged for your forgiveness, even that is unforgiveable. He has problems, get it? It cannot be fixed overnight. This is just the tip of the iceberg, it will only get worse.

A single mom raising her children is alot better than a beat up, nervous wreck mom preoccupied with a brutal man. You asked to hear our opinions?
Be thankful he is not returning your calls. Stay away from him. Stay safe, and good luck.

January 8, 2003
7:42 pm
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a man that hits a woman! Wow what can I say. Can't say I have ever been hit by a man and I feel sorry for the man that ever trys. You have kids here, and you found this guy in the bar for God sake. It's big world out there don't let you self settle for a man that will hit on you.

January 8, 2003
8:40 pm
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The guy should have just walked out rather than smack you. He probably doesn’t want to discuss your issue, because he knows the TRUE issue was his lack of control simply because you got under his skin. You are probably to smart for this guy, and he couldn’t battle you wit for wit. His reaction was a stupid, classless, and immature. Your reaction to the punches makes me question your common sense. You simply devalue yourself even more by calling this guy back. He made the mistake and should be begging YOU for YOUR forgiveness.

I hope your bruises heal quickly. Good Luck

January 8, 2003
9:17 pm
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am sorry. i dont wanna get kicked out of here again. but why t... f.... did he hit u!!!? (that got me mad!!!) he has no right to put his hand on u. if i were u i would go to his house and give him back the ring and say "sorry i cant marry someone who is so violent with me when they're supposed to be the sweetest person to me"

sorry i will read what other people have said later.

find out more on the guy and stay away from him. he must have been hiding how he really is, now he is showing u how he really is, take advantage of it, is better to know now then after the "i do" *_* be happy.

January 10, 2003
6:41 pm
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Ditto...not worth your time if you are looking for a :good" relationship.

I was pregnant with #1 when boyfriend hit me...end of story...got rid of him adoopted the child out and ended up later married to the one p erson who saw the guy hit me.

Someoone nice IS out there. WAIT for him.

Your kids are better off with just you and si are you!!!!

January 10, 2003
7:18 pm
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Sounds like classic charmer manipulator, some narcissism stuff. Where are those threads. These guys don't change trust me, the more you forgive the more they hate you, Right Joe ?
This guy in his own way is doing you a big favor , he knows what he is, go hock the ring and take you and the kid a weekend vacation.
You got sucked in, it happens to the best, the smartest, the most confident, the most what ever, it happened to me. Once you get caught in the game its damn hard to get out, trust me, and even when you do, you are still tantalized, and tippey toe around it, you really have to believe me, that although I lived through my own experiment, I wouldn't wish it on any one, the cost is really high, and not worth the risk, like would you go to Iran today ?
I can say that when I went back once I escaped which took me 12 years to do, I went back with my eyes wide open, but.... here I am sitting, with out a damn thing but my dog and a bed, almost 16years later, almost 50 years old, and I am free, free at last, and won't ever experiment with my self again, or fall for the tricks of a master mentally ill person. There really was not one person that I can think of over the time, that supported the relationship, even me, so go figure, its a mystery, like drugs, just say no before you are hooked. Not one of my heroin addicts would support heroin use either, and its the same damn thing.

January 10, 2003
9:43 pm
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((((((Molly))))))((((((your puppy dog))))))

January 11, 2003
6:13 pm
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Your right Molly. I don't have the concious for this, but I have witnessed other guys demoralize their women to the point they felt noone else wanted them, and that he was the best thing since sliced bread.

Now here's the silliest part, the very girlfriends that would pound the girl to drop the guy, WOULD BE the very girls that would jump into the coals once this jerk would flirt with them.

I'm convinced there is a population of girls that would sacrifice their integrity, moral value system, and self respect in exchange for this drama.

Annabelle, I feel your pain. As a single guy in the dating world trying to find a level headed young lady, I know it must suck even more to be a single mother of two, looking for someone that is willing to take on a ready made family. I have no answer for you on what to do.......... I'm still working on my own problems : ) Good luck to you

January 11, 2003
11:48 pm
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Men wouldn't do half of what they do if women wouldn't let them.
Joe tried to tell me and I couldn't hear it.

January 14, 2003
8:13 pm
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Anna belle, DROP THIS LOW LIFE!!! It gets WORSE, PLease , forget about HIM, adn DON NOT CALL HIM AGAIN. It WILL happen AGAIN ANd AGAIN, no matter how many times he apololgizes. I KNOW THIS from EXPERIENCE!!! The longer you stay the harder it gets. Cut loose NOW!!! PAwn the ring..LOve that idea!!! take care of YOU and let us know you are OK, please..?

January 15, 2003
10:15 am
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Annabelle, I wish Ladeska was here right now. But since she's not I think I'll speak for her. Seems to me you're stuck in that mindframe of "I'm lonely anyone will do." Come on, you aren't so weak that you need our permission to kick this looser to the curb. You're stronger than that. You want us to tell you that you deserve better. But I'm not gonna tell you, I'm gonna ask you. Do you deserve better? You know we only deserve what we allow people to do to us. So are you going to allow him to continue to hit you? If so then perhaps you don't deserve better. Do you enjoy being somebody else's punching bag? Didn't think so! So now, you can do better than this noise you're making here. You know what you need to do. But you're the only one who can decide to do it.

January 15, 2003
1:44 pm
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hey annabelle been there done that, get out of it before you get too far into it to get out, you deserve better and think of you children

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