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MEC WHERE ARE YOU
February 19, 2004
5:22 pm
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If he calls again, Ali I mean, I may be nicer to him, if I decide to pick up ... I don't know yet. I'm kind of sad that I accepted this job offer without getting his opinion but oh well ...

February 19, 2004
5:33 pm
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Why would you need to get his opinion on it? Hot cubans ohh so you wanted to know how to do a background check, its simple really if its instate for your state there are a lot of resources to find court cases, and to find out criminal history like we have a process server that does that also we use the system on WestLaw to track people down,,, you seem sad, right now

February 19, 2004
5:36 pm
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Think of this, you have a great new job offer and you accepted it, that could totally change your life, and for the better, you know different people to work with, different chances, I think this is great for you, plus you know that Ali is trying to get you back because he keeps calling and the only reason he is saying its over too is because you said it first, If I called someone and they said its over I would say I know it is even if I wasnt calling for that reason wouldnt you

February 19, 2004
5:40 pm
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I'm not sad. I'm really excited. I'm just curious if he will call again to ask again and tell me again that he loves me. I guess I would like to hear it again right now. I will tell you if he does ...

February 19, 2004
6:02 pm
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and if he doesn't than today is still Detox Day 1

By the way, you are not the first person in the last few days to tell me that they have a feeling it's not over yet ...

February 19, 2004
6:14 pm
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yeah dont you get that feeling for yourself, you will have to tell me, I only get on this at work, but if I get a chance to swing by later I will try to get on and see, I might, but most likely since its cold cold cold here right now I will go home and curl up with my fat cat, and work out. But you will have to let me know, do you miss him?

February 19, 2004
6:28 pm
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Yes, of course I miss him!!! It is so difficult not to pick up the phone and call him right now.

February 19, 2004
6:29 pm
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Don't do it, you hold the power right now and you are on top so stay that way. It will be okay, and I bet you anything he will call you again.

February 19, 2004
6:38 pm
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I won't do it. It's hard not to, honestly, but, I won't do it. I like the power. I want the power, etc. and if I can't get what I want from this negotiation then I would rather detox any how.

February 20, 2004
9:53 am
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MEC

So tell me what happened?
I am sick of Ron, he pissed me off last night, and now that I am pissed and angry I am done, because I think I deserve more respect than what he shows me. I mean he said he would call me yesterday later to talk about my email and then he calls at like 12:30 his time to tell me hes going to sleep so I basically hung up on him and told him telling someone you care is a lot different than being able to show it

February 20, 2004
11:50 am
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MEc

Are you doing okay?

February 20, 2004
1:27 pm
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Hey Aces,

I'm okay. Basically I went on my date last night and the guy was really nice, kind of cute, and actually kind of smart too and he smelled good, but, he was all over me, kind of pushing it if you ask me.

So, when I got home, I called Ali. I broke down. I knew he was at work and I didn't say much, just hi. I'm calling you only b/c I'm drunk, I'm still angry with you. He was like that's okay. Then he proceeded to tell me how proud of me he was and how much he loved me and how stupid he was for not having showed it to me the right way recently and for not having treated me right. We had like at 7 minute conversation. I am starting DETOX AGAIN for like the 8th time today. DAY 1 AGAIN. We'll see though, if he calls I will speak to him today.

The other thing that happened is when I got to work today and openend my computer there was a letter inside from Pancho telling me how much he loves me and how I have been the person he's loved most in his life and how he always imagined we would be together forever. I felt really sad when I was reading it, thinking to myself, am I doing the right thing letting him go? The thing is is that in part I feel that right now I am not ready for the type of committment that he wants from me. Maybe I should have thought about it sooner before I got involved with him three years ago. I want the best for him, I want him to succeed and be happy. But, I can't promise him all the things he wants b/c I can't even do some of them when I promise them to myself. So, all in all, I'm sad and scared.

The new job called me today and they agreed for me to start on March 15th. So, I am going to Cuba the week before. I am going to give notice at my job today (still have to write the letter of resignation). I am kind of hoping that my boss will not want me to work the entire 2 weeks so that I can go to Poland for a week too. I would love that. I wish that I could take Pancho to Poland with me and Ali to Cuba with me. Weird huh?

So, you've decided to detox again? Are you sure you're not exagerating?

February 20, 2004
2:42 pm
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Im detoxing forget him, that was totally rude of him, do you think Im overreacting? I think that you need to go on vacation with no men, that way you can decide more clearly you know, and I think that pancho is good for you but right now you aren't good for him, you got to figure your own stuff out first, same as me, I gotta figure things out, I have this one lawyer guy who wants to date but I wont cause I need to figure things out and my ex- who is a DA wants to get back together but I wont because I have to figure things out, Ron really told me a lot last night by not caring enough to call and talk to me about the email, he may want to proceed forward or so he says but it takes a lot more than words to impress me.

February 20, 2004
3:13 pm
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I think you are jumping to conclusions. Maybe he had a really busy day and as much as he wanted to talk to you, he just couldn't. SO, he called late to let you know that he was thinking about you, didn't forget about you, and wants to talk and proceed, but, couldn't do it last night.

I think I need some time without guys too. So, I am definately going to cuba to see my aunt and cousin and relax and hopefully whatever I decide, if Pancho and/or Ali really love me, they or the right one will be here when I get back. It's just sad and scary. I don't want to lose the love of my life and realize it that they are the love of my life too late, know what I mean?

February 20, 2004
3:17 pm
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Yeah I know what you mean, I think the reason I was mad because to me if it was important enough to him he would have made the time, you know, this is a guy who called me five times a day so now he can't call once, or at least at a decent time, I dont know we shall see Im not going to call him, he can call me and I really dont know if I want to talk to him, it kinda shows me that he could care less about needing to talk things out, who knows, I mean he could call me all the time, at least he use to, and now I think he feels he doesnt have to, well forget that I went shopping cause I was mad, I think that you need to think long and hard about what you want, Has ali called you yet today?

February 20, 2004
5:56 pm
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MEC where are you?

February 20, 2004
6:47 pm
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Hi,

I had an appointment and I am having a difficult day b/c I am very nervous about handing my boss my resignation letter.

No, last I heard from Ali was at midnight last night when he called and left me a message with "our song." I just called him though and he was sweet. There are still a lot of things we need to talk about, but, probably I will give him another chance.

I don't know. I'm kind of glad we are not really talking about serious relationship stuff right now and just letting a bit of time go by. We both probably need to think about some stuff. I don't really miss him that much today. I do miss Pancho though.

I did tell Ali about my date last night and how the guy was totally trying to get into my pants on the first date and stuff and how it offended me. I asked him if I had a sign on my forehead that said "Use Me" and he laughed but said I didn't have a sign and that he would kick his ass ... I thought that was kind of cute. Of course, he doesn't know who it is. Anyhow, I told him that if he really wants to be with me he has to think about a career change. So, he said he is going to take the CPA exam and is suppossed to sign up for a review course today.

February 23, 2004
9:45 am
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MEC: Hey how are you doing today? HOw did your weekend go? Anything exciting?

February 23, 2004
1:37 pm
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yes, a lot. i will write in a bit, update me on you in the meantime,

mec

February 23, 2004
2:05 pm
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You know that saying kill em with kindess Im doing exactly that

February 23, 2004
3:01 pm
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So then you are not in detox? or are you?

February 23, 2004
5:31 pm
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WAIT, before we get into this tell me whats going on with you

February 23, 2004
7:39 pm
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Ali and I are back together. We talked a lot Friday night and kind of patched things up. WE decided to give it a shot at living together. He will probably move in while I am in Cuba or shortly before then.

He has been trying really hard and been incredibly nice since then.

In the meantime, Pancho got really hurt when he found out that I spent last night with Ali and freaked out on me. He is moving to Phoenix this week. He is really depressed and is asking me for another chance. I feel really terrible but if I gave it to him I'd be lying to him and to myself. I love him, but, I'm not in love with him and I don't want to be with him in that way. What do I do? I am really sad about this whole situation. Suggestions?

What is up with you?

February 25, 2004
1:27 pm
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Aces, what is up with you? Are you okay?

February 25, 2004
1:33 pm
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Im here Im alright, I was reading your thread, congratualtions, are you excited, so much has happened with Stupid, Im so sick of this MEC;;;; arggg,,,, so tell me the whole thing Ali apologized? and of course pancho is going to be sad, but what do you mean freaked out?

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