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MEC WHERE ARE YOU
February 18, 2004
5:26 pm
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MEC
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See, the things is, I do think you and Ron are just like Ali and I. Ali and I had this conversation on Mon. the 9th. I told him I can't do this roller coaster. I don't want to go up and down all the time. I hate roller coasters. I either want to give it a shot or move on. He was the one who brought this topic up and he was the one who suggested we try again. That is when I told him the roller coaster spiel. Obviously, I feel like that talk was a waste. So, if that is something you really want to do, go for it. Will it bring the results you want? I'm not sure ... What do you think? Do you honestly thing that will work?

February 18, 2004
5:39 pm
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It is like that though a roller coaster, good one day terrible the next, and like you I am tired of it so I am going to be honest stop playing the games and tell him that I dont see this going anywhere its not like i need marriage definilty not but I would like to see this go somewhere other than what it is, and if he cant do that than I need to move on how does that sound?

February 18, 2004
5:41 pm
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Ok, tell me how it goes. When do you plan to do this?

February 18, 2004
5:42 pm
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Im going to send him the email right now, I wish I could send you a copy of it

February 18, 2004
5:53 pm
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Okay so Im basically telling him that we arent going anywhere and that I would like this to be proceeding and that Im not looking for a serious lets spend every day togther or marriage type relationship but what we have isnt healty and its confusing. So I told him if he didnt want to proceed forward than for him to walk away and that he can make his decision by either calling me tonight or not. we shall see

February 18, 2004
6:09 pm
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BY the way MEC Im so proud of you, you are doing way better than I am, but I feel good about basically giving him an ultimatium. You know it will either be a ok or move and if its a move on boy will I need super support. I probably will fly out there just to party for a weekend..: )

February 18, 2004
6:21 pm
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If you really want to you can cut and paste the email.

I'm curious to see.

I'm not doing that well at all. I'm still on Day 1 for the 3rd or 4th time.

But, I will definately be there to support you.

February 18, 2004
6:28 pm
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alright we will support eachother cause you are going through hell too alright here is the email

February 18, 2004
6:28 pm
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So here goes, I had told you that I think we should think about things while you were in Cancun and while Im sure you didnt I did. The thing is that I do like you but I really don't see this going anywhere right now. I mean we don't even say we are dating. To me that is strange to care about someone go out with them have sex with them yet not be dating them. So I feel this. If you want this to go forward and be something other than what it is than okay, but if not I need to move on. This indecisivie game playing is wearing thin on me, and I'm losing my patience quickly. I don't like wondering and you know I hate assuming things. So Im telling you what I would like. I would like this to be more than what it has been reduced to lately. I think that before you went to New Jersey I liked what we had, and you know Im not looking for marriage or some serious relationship where we spend every day together, but I am looking for something with some substance, which I feel we have been lacking as of lately. Maybe you disagree I don't know. You fail to talk about things, and this isn't "tell me your emotions crap " type pf letter, it's bascially a are we going to proceed forward or walk away, I think that is the choice we are left with here, don't you. I mean do you want to continue down this road of we sleep together we go out, but we both would be upset if the other person was dating someone else, yet we aren't dating, so what is it. We need to set the boundaries here. So this is your opportunity. You don't see this proceeding forward, then I will walk away. If so than we need to be doing something other than "this". So I figure you will read this tonight, and if you do want to try to figure things out than give me a call, and if not, I guess I have my answer don't I, and I will move on and we can call it a "great learning experience". Thats why I would never regret anything in life, because you always learn something from it. And if you want to bring up the issue of trust, that's fine, but that's part of it, if you can't at least for now try to give me another chance than we need to move on. And I have been trying as well, I leave my phone on I answered that call and I didnt even know who it was, and I still don't. I don't answer restricted calls, and the only reason I did was to show you I wasn't hiding anything, and if you could honestly believe that I could be cheating on you, or sleeping with someone else while with you than I suggest you move on because I certainly will not date someone who would think that I would do that. I don't operate that way, and if you think that little of me, than I would walk away as well from you. There comes a point where you have to have a little faith in someone, and while I know I have lied to you, that doesn't mean I would be sleeping around. I understand that the way our relationship started didn't give you a whole lot of faith in me, but I also know that you haven't taken the time to get to know me, nor have I been that open to allowing you to get to know me. In that aspect you haven't been that open to letting me get to know you. So what do you propose, a night of drinking wine, and talking the whole night? I don't know. All I do know is that we hold on for something, and while I don't figure it's just the sex, I know it isn't some lust/love that people say, I think it goes a lot more into a type of game don't you? A game of control. I have no idea, I think we both like control a lot, and so its a battle. and Im only saying this because Im being honest, I have no idea if its true for you but I know its true for me. So think and figure it out, have fun in New Jersey and try to stay out of trouble with your buddies. You know drinking will not help your cold, SICKO.

February 18, 2004
6:33 pm
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I just had a thought. What if Ali wanted to tell me in person that he met someone else?

February 18, 2004
6:37 pm
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Aces, what happened at the beginning of your relationship? You cheated on him? How did you lie?

I think the email is good. Very to the point but nice. Are you going to stick to it? I mean, if he doesn't call you today but calls you tomorrow?

February 18, 2004
6:42 pm
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Yeah Ill stick to it, Ive never cheated on him, we just slept together very early like 2nd date, and he has held that against me for the whole time. I dont think ali was going to tell you in person, why would he say it was something good, besides the way he said it it reminded me of me, when I want to spend time or see someone Ill say I have something to tell them, but its good, just so I can see them and be with them, have you ever done that, I dont think it would be to tell you he met someone he could easily do that on your voice mail you know

February 18, 2004
6:48 pm
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2nd date is not that bad. As long as it's not the 1st. Why did you sleep with him so early? My rule is a month minimum.

I think you are right, he hasn't met anyone. I just had that thought for a minute and I freaked out.

February 18, 2004
6:49 pm
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Why would he hold that against you anyway?

Did you have another boyfriend at the time? I don't get it?

February 18, 2004
6:55 pm
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No I didn't its the hypocirtical rule its okay for him but for me it makes me a slut because I did that I have a 30 day rule too, but for some reason that went out the window, so no it wasnt like I cheated on him or anyone else or lied to him about it or anyone else, it was just that we had sex early on in the relationship and since then he thinks that Ive done that on all my dates now

February 18, 2004
6:56 pm
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Oh my God!! That is so insane and childish. Instead of thinking she really liked me, he uses that against you? What a weirdo, hello?? I guess that makes him a male slut too though?? Have you thought of turning it around against him like that?

February 18, 2004
7:02 pm
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So, if he calls you tomorrow you won't talk to him, really?

What if he doesn't check his email today?

February 18, 2004
7:31 pm
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I guess you are gone for the evening. I really hope that Ron calls you. Just because things didn't work out for me, I hope they work out for you better. You have to tell me tomorrow if he called and how it went. I am sure that he will call you. Good luck!!!

February 19, 2004
9:59 am
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MEC-

How are you doing today? any new news? So he called last night but he hadn't even read the email, you are completly right, he is childish and very immature, but he called last night at like 10:30 our time so 12:30 his time, and said he was going to sleep I asked if he had read the email he said no he would read it in the morning, but part of me really didn't want him to call after he had read it. I think for me that would be my way to be angry enough at him to leave. Anyways, he did call last night but hadn't read the email so I will wait today out and see, but I don't even know if I should talk to him when he does call, just because I am getting tired of this game. So how are you doing? Did Ali call again? Did you talk to him? Do you miss him?

February 19, 2004
11:33 am
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Hey Aces,

So, yesterday I was really bummed out. He didn't call all day and when I was driving home from work, I was compulsively checking the cell phone for missed calls and nothing! I was totally bummed. Almost called him. But then I finally got home and I got that job offer for which I interviewed on Tuesday and I became excited about it and decided to have a new life! Forget him!!

Well, this morning, I couldn't sleep. I woke up at like 3:30 in the morning and was feeling miserable. I missed him terribly. I tried to log on to this site at home but my internet wasn't working for some reason, so, I started getting ready for work so I could get here faster and come to the site, check email, get distracted, etc. At 6 am, I get a call at him and it's him. He says: "Good morning." and I say, "What do you want?" He wanted to talk to me. I said that there is nothing to talk about and I don't really want to talk to you. He said, he really wants to talk to me and please, will I talk to him for the last time b/c he doesn't want to leave things this way. Against my better judgment, I finally agreed and said he can meet me at starbucks at work at 7:30 am. He said, I was hoping to bring you breakfast. I said no. He said why not. I just said no b/c I want to get ready and leave. He asked if someone was at the house with me and I said no. He said, don't lie to me and I said I'm not lying to you, I just don't want you here. He said, well I'm parked in front of your house with breakfast but I will meet you at starbucks b/c obviously you have someone over. Well, someone was over (it was Pancho) but he had come over in the morning before I had to leave for work to talk to me about the tiles in the bathroom for me to make some decisions. Anyways, Ali saw his car. I walked outside just to see if he was really there and he was but he was driving away when I walked outside.

Then I called him back a few minutes later and told him that I changed my mind, there was nothing to talk about and I don't want to talk to him. He called my cell phone 6 times and kept calling me at home. The first time I picked up and immediately hung up without saying anything and then I didn't pick up any more.

February 19, 2004
11:39 am
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MEC -

Wow,,, I can't believe he came over to your house and was waiting outside. So what do you think he wanted to talk about, good for you for not talking to him, OMG this has got to be so hard for you, what did Pancho say about it,,, and CONGRATS on the job offer thats great, are you going to take it? What kind of position is it? WOW,,, Ali must really want you back if he continues to call all the time, and then shows up at your place. Im so proud of you for holding your ground, you are doing a great job, so what do you think you will do with him, continue to detox?

February 19, 2004
11:44 am
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Finally, on my way to work I picked up my cell and asked him what he wanted? He said he just wanted to talk to me and didn't understand why I was being like that and if I hated him. I told him that I don't hate him, I just had enough and I want to move on with my life. I'm tired of all this.

He said, well, I'm tired too and I want to move on too but I just wanted to tell you how I felt before we both did that. I was like, okay, talk. He said that in the last couple of days he was thinking about us and he was trying to figure out why one day he feels like he loves me and the next he feels like he doesn't love me and he said, now, I realize that I love you and the days I felt I didn't love you was when I was scared and trying not to love you b/c I was scared and didn't want you to hurt me any more. He said that he wants to put all the past behind us and if what I said the other night, that I loved him, was true, to tell him now and give us a second chance. I didn't say anything to that, I just said, that I want him to take me to Palm Springs and introduce me to his ex Carly and he said no. Then I said, fine, I have to go now. 'Cause I honestly got to work by then.

He also said that he wanted to get rid of the truck b/c everytime he looked at it it reminded him of me and what we had and made him sad that he lost it all and he doesn't want it. I told him that I didn't care, if he didn't want it, get rid of it.

So, what do you think?

February 19, 2004
11:49 am
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Well, now you know what you wanted.

Before I called him back to tell him I didn't want to talk to him, I was pissed and was yelling at myself in the bathroom, saying, what a fucking jerk!! Now, I have to start detox from Day 1 again. It's like the 6th time now that I'm on day one. Pancho came in and asked who I was talking to and I told him that I was talking to myself and explained the whole detox thing to him.

You know what Pancho told me? He said that if I really love this guy, Ali, to give him a second chance. And, honestly, that kind of made me mad. I was like, I don't want to give him a second chance. I want to move on and have a stable life and not have all this. I was suppossed to take the WA bar exam in Feb. and b/c of this roller coaster ride with Ali I didn't study and now I have to postpone, I don't want that.

About the job. I think I am going to take it. It's a 20K pay raise, the job atmosphere seems more pleasant (the people I work with are assholes) and the area of law seems more intersting. Plus, my boss has this favorite lawyer here to whom he gives all the fun and interesting stuff and I always get the cases no one wants to work on (including him) so I'm not getting much supervision or feed back and I feel like I'm not learning much. This new place, there is one parter and two associates who are like 5th year associates. So, I would be the youngest. They both seemed very nice (the 2 associates) and I think that even if the partner is busy, then they would be supervising and teaching me so I would get more out of that experience.

The thing that kind of sucks is that this job is like 2 blocks away from Ali's house. So, temptation ... But, I don't care.

What do you think, should I take it?

February 19, 2004
11:50 am
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OMG- you are awesome,,, seriously you are standing up to him, and he is the one apologizing, and coming back to you. Good for you, do you think you will give in, I think that what you are doing is good if that is what you want, why did you want him to take you to palm springs to meet his ex though? And why would he say no if he wants you back? And you have got to get the truck thing figured out, so do you think you will talk to him again?

February 19, 2004
12:01 pm
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I don't know if I will talk to him again. I know that I am definately not going to call him. If he calls me, maybe I will talk to him, but, I'm not sure. Right now, I don't want to pick up the phone if I know it's him but I don't know how I will feel by the end of the day, honestly.

The truck thing from my perspective is figured out. He is suppossed to change it completely into his name by the end of the month or sell it and I am sticking to that and he said he wants that too b/c he doesn't want me to think that this is why he is saying all this stuff to me.

I'm not sure if I really want him to talk me to Palm Springs to meet the ex but she was the girl that he made me feel bad in front of and I felt like that was what I wanted at the moment. Maybe i just wanted to see what he would say, whether he would do it. That's what I said, if you really want to get back together, why wouldn't you do it? He said that if we really try to make things work and they are working then he will do it. I said, I see, then you want to try and make things work with me suppossedly but keep her on the back burner in case things don't work out. That's where our conversation ended this morning. What do you think?

Do you think I should pick up if he calls?

What do you think about the job offer? Should I take it? I don't really like my job now, but, I make decent money - 75K with benefits, 401 k, etc and I've been here for a 1 and 1/2 and I'm quite sure that I would have to do something really terrible to get fired (not likely). The only thing about this new job that I am afraid about is that what if I am not smart enough and I get fired soon after I start?

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