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MEC WHERE ARE YOU
February 16, 2004
2:30 pm
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Hi Aces,

Good to hear from you. This is my advice, if you really like this guy Stupid and you want to work things out with him, I guess you can try talking to him and see if that works or you can just start being nicer to him, not talk about it and see if he starts reciprocating.

Pancho lived with me for 2 years when I lived in Seattle. Then I moved to LA and the plan was for Pancho to move with me, but, he stayed up there for a year before he moved down mainly b/c there were reasons like jobs he had to finish or work that needed to be done on the house I own up there. (He's in construction.) Etc. Anyhow, then I met Ali and things moved really fast. Within a month he had moved in with me. Then in Oct. of this past year Pancho from one day to the next said I'm moving tomorrow and it took me by surprise but I didn't say no and I told Ali to move out of the house. I thought that I needed some time wtih Pancho to decide who I wanted to be with. So, I asked Ali for that time. First, he said he would give it to me, but, then he kept getting upset, he hated the fact that he couldn't come over and sleep with me or that I couldn't come over and stay the night with him. He kept asking when I'm going to decide and when I'm going to ask Pancho to leave, etc. I tried separating from ALi for a week or so but couldn't last any longer and that was when I realized I wanted to be with him.

I have to go now, will finish in a bit.

February 16, 2004
3:08 pm
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Well I talked to Ron and told him that I thought we should be nicer and he agreed and I called him after I went home to take a nap for lunch since I got no sleep last night, and asked him if he wanted to hang out tonight and so forth so we shall see, he has an interview today, so if that goes well, we'll see, but I think this being nice thing is a little weird for me, I don't really know how to be nice to him, you know, its like I have to put up this wall and so forth and now in being nice, I have to be vulnerable. YOU NEVER answered my question? SO which one would you pick if you had to pick one RIGHT now? first one that pops into your head, that is the one you should be with, I think that pancho is more stable for you but I think your feelings for Ali are stronger just from what you've told me, I dont know if that is true though? So if he doesn't call tonight and want to spend time together than I guess I have my answer

February 16, 2004
4:44 pm
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You say that if he doesn't call tonight and want to spend time together than you have your answer. What will that answer be? and what will you do about it?

I think if I had to pick right now, I would pick Ali, but, it would be a hard choice. I guess in a way that is something I already did when I told Pancho about Ali back in early December and when I tried to stay away from Ali for a couple of days but couldn't do longer than a week. It's just really hard b/c Pancho has given me stability and support and everything else.

February 16, 2004
4:52 pm
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Yeah I know the feeling. Well pretty much if he can have me come over last night and then not want to get together tonight or do anything that I will have my answer of where he stands so to speak. And once i get that answer I will be done. It may be hard very hard which I will need your super support but I will be done. I just won't be the one that is always making an effort anymore. I'm tired of it. He asked me last night to be honest with him and tell him if I had slept with anyone else while Ive been with him since him and I first slept together. I mean who asks that he said he asked it because I seemed different last night, whatever that means, so I told him no since i havent. I just dont get it, he says it is hard because he cant trust me because I have lied to him, well he hasnt been 100% honest either. I dont know what to think anymore I really dont I like him I want it to work but to what point do I keep trying you know.

February 17, 2004
1:57 am
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Hey,

SO, things tonight were horrible. I am drunk last night and I hate him. I just called him and told him that I never want to hear from him again. This time I am really going to go through the detox thing. I really need everyone to remind me what a jerk he is so that I can stay angry at him. Everyone please help.

Aces, I may tell you the details of what happened tomorrow when I sober up. IN the meantime, maybe we can keep each other strength.

Talk to you soon,

February 17, 2004
1:59 am
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Aces,
by the way, i think that whatever it is that you are trying to hold on to, sooner or later it is going to end ... why prolong your misery ...

February 17, 2004
8:16 am
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So, after I write all these messages and we have an argument, he calls to assure that x, y, z first on my cell and leaves a message, then at home at like 12:30 am. I really don't get it, why all the trouble? Anyhow, I was still drunk when he called, so, I yelled at him and told him to leave me alone, not to call me, not to return my calls, just freaking leave me alone. I am pissed enough that I am not letting it go this time and it's really over. Honestly, I know that maybe somehow I'll give him one more shot at some point, but, I'm really trying this time not to give in.

February 17, 2004
8:17 am
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So, Aces, if I had to pick today, I wouldn't pick Ali any more ...

February 17, 2004
10:01 am
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MEC: We can detox together since I'm done with Ron, he called me at 12:30 too, probably to check up on me and see what I was doing because he is a control freak he called last night at 7:30 too, but I was totally nochalant on the phone, I don't get him and I'm done with his stupid games. THe guy is so selfish and self absorbed. I don't need that at all in my life. And he is going to NJ on Sat. for his high school reunion. I mean hello the guy doesnt have a job where does he get this money from? PLus he just got back a week ago and now he is leaving again yeah really shows he cares, so Im done. I have so many other things to focus on rather than him. What happened with ALI?

February 17, 2004
11:24 am
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Hey Aces,

Let's do it, maybe together we can actually do it.

First, yesterday I call him to see what he is doing and ask him if he dropped off his son already. He tells me that he never went to get his son. I was like what? You were on the phone with me for an hour yesterday saying you were driving to get him and we hung up when you "got there"? I was pissed. I was like what the hell? What is going on? What is wrong with you? Why did you lie to me? He tells me that he wanted to know how it feels and why I did it. Since I lied to him about going up north and he said it worked for him that he figured that I lied either (1) because I didn't want to see him, or (2) because I was doing something I didn't want him to know. Anyhow, this whole thing pissed me off and I totally chewed him out over the phone and he was like, don't be mad, it's not a big deal. I was like fuck you.

But, basically, then I went over to his house and we went suit shopping for him. He was cold. THen we went to this comedy club with his friends where his friends were performing and had a horrible time. He was just a jerk to me all night. Finally, I just sat down away from him and got drunk and said fuck it. Then he took me home and went back. I just got pissed b/c of the way he treated me really. I could have forgiven him for the lie since I did it to, but, he was a complete ass. Any time, I got close to him, he would move. Or if I pulled out my hand to him, he would give it to me but then pull away. So, I just got pissed. I mean it's not like his friends don't know me or something. They all know we are together, etc. They all like me. I didn't get it.

Anyhow, then on my way home, I called a friend from college (an ex) who has been trying to get me to go out with him and I told him I would go out with him on Friday night. He knows the whole story with Ali and he was like, just call him and tell him to fuck off that you never want to talk to him again, etc. and why am I doing this to myself getting drunk on a monday night when today I have a big job interview, etc. Anyhow, he was like but wait until tomorrow to call him when you are sober. But, of course, I couldn't wait. I called and guess what the jerk turned off his phone after the second ring. So, I left him a really nasty message. This was at like 9:30. Then I check my cell this morning and he called at 12:21 saying, "MEC I'm going home now to sleep alone. I'm not doing anything bad, I'm not going to big bear etc. Just going to sleep." Then he calls my house wakes me up to tell me the same thing. I totally was like, "Ali, I don't give a shit. Do not call me any more, do not return my calls if I happen to call you. I want you out of my life and never want to hear from you again." and then I hung up. Today I was suppossed to go get ready at his house before my interview b/c the job is like 2 blocks away from his house, but, I'm just going to get ready now. I think he will expect me to call him for that, but, I'm not going to and honestly, I hope that he calls me to ask if I'm going to come over to do that b/c I really want to see his number on the caller ID and not pick up. I guess I will tell you if that happens.

Why are you upset that he is goign to NJ? Is that why you want to do detox or is that just one of the reasons?

February 17, 2004
11:40 am
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Hey Mec:

Im not so much upset that he is going there I just think it is foolish since he does not have a job, and he is spending all this money on trips. Im more wanting to Detox cause I think there comes a time when you realize that they aren't worth it, and I think that has finally hit me, and I can't wait for him to call and ask me to take him to the airport and Im going to tell him I have plans, Im not going to be the only one putting forth effort into a relationship. Plus, I don't know I kinda don't want to be with anyone right now, I want to be alone and do my own things, not worry about someone always getting jealous I mean he called me seriously 7 times last night when I didnt answer the phone. Freak,,,, yeah Ali sounds like he was definitly getting back at you and it worked, you let it work, why did you give him so much control MEC? Thats what they want.And you know he loved your reaction, but do you think going out with an EX is the best choice right now, cause I bet it will be like my date last friday where I had a terrible time cause I thought of Ron the whole time.

February 17, 2004
1:15 pm
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How should have I reacted to not give him control? and not make it work for him?

Well, I know I'm not going to sleep with this guy. I actually told him to take me to the new place where Ali works and I figured I would piss him off by giving Joseph a lot of attention and stuff. But, now, the anger is wearing off a bit and I'm just thinking of going out with Joseph, but, not, to the place where Ali works.

I know how you feel about wanting to be alone. I kind of feel the same way right now. I think I came to the same realization that you have that he just isn't worth it anymore. That's part of the reason I think I should go out with Joseph. I know I'm not going to sleep with him and this way I will get distracted and have some fun. And, I won't be going out with any one old to do it and he'll foot the bill. You don't think I should do that?

What would you do?

February 17, 2004
1:24 pm
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Well I would do the same thing, but I just think that you will feel like I felt friday night when all I did was think of Ron and I didnt have a good time at all with this guy I was distracted and all that. So I mean I would go, but if you think he will help you get over Ali I wouldnt count on it. IVE Done the let me take my current date to the place where my former BF is at. To get the reaction Ive done it, Ill tell you this, its not worth it, but it does get the adrenaline going and it does give you some satisfaction but also know this, he will know exactly what you are doing and why you are doing it and it will show him that you care enough to take a date there just to piss him off which is a reaction. Tell me this what would piss you off more, knowing the other person is doing things and saying things because they want a reaction and they care about you, or not hearing from them and now knowing what they are thinking or anything. Ill tell you this, when its over you can tell when the other person is done because they stop talking to you, they wont take your calls, they wont pick up to even argue. They are done, and they dont do things for reactions. We only do things for reactions when we know its not over and we want to make the other person realize how much they care. Am I right?

February 17, 2004
1:29 pm
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Yes, you are right. So, the anger is wearing off a bit and I'm thinking of not taking Joseph there b/c if anything I will cause anger and jealousy in him that night. But, you are right, he will know what I'm doing and knowing him he will probably do the same thing to me sooner or later. So, I'm thinking I may just go somewhere else. I'm not going out with Joseph to get over Ali. I'm just going out with him to get distracted and not call Ali and try not to miss him and/or think about him. Plus, I guess if I go to his work place I'd be breaking detox. But, we'll see .. between now and friday we still have a whole week ...

Detox day 1, I guess this is the hardest day ... but, i'm not going to call.

The weird thing about this whole thing is is that I still fucking wonder whether he ever gave a damn and whether he does now ...and whether he feels shitty for making me feel shitty last night.

February 17, 2004
1:30 pm
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By the way, I am so mad

February 17, 2004
1:38 pm
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MEC -

I can tell you are mad, I wonder the same thing all the time, this is day 1 for me too, so we shall see. So Ive think Ive figured them out would you like to hear my theory?

February 17, 2004
1:41 pm
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Please!

February 17, 2004
1:44 pm
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This is men - I think that they love a challenge, like women do too, but men, at least some of them are all about control, and so they love winning us, so to speak, getting us to care, after we have vowed not too, and then when we do they know they can start doing stuff and it wont matter because we now care again. The thing is that I think Ali is also into this punishing thing which Ron does, if I make Ron mad, or I do something he doesnt like, he will punish me by not calling, or not returning my calls, and then i get mad all over again. I figured we take the control, we control what makes us angry right, so why do we want to give them the control to make us angry, I know Ali will call you and apologize, and I have a feeling that you will accept it, you and I both know you aren't ready for this to end. BUT I also know if Ron called me and was being all nice I would cave in too, so now we have to figure how to get out of this cycle

February 17, 2004
1:47 pm
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Also, I think this, remember if Ron just stopped talking to me and everything it would make me miss him and want him more right, so dont you think it would do the same thing for them

February 17, 2004
2:13 pm
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Well, I hope that it would do the same thing for them. Sometimes I honestly wonder though? Sometimes I have a feeling the man doesn't have a heart or feelings at all, not just for me, for anyone but himself.

I think you are right. He wants me a certain way and by punishing me for things I do wrong, he is trying to change me and be the way he wants me to be. But, I guess he still wants me.

Yesterday, I got pissed and was going to tear up the V-day card I gave him. He totally physically fought me for it (not violently) and took it away from me and hid it.

I think you are right, I think (at least i hope in a way) that he will call, but, I will try really hard not to pick up and I really don't think that he will apologize. I think that he will not feel he did anything wrong and somehow turn everything around and make me feel bad about it.

Yesterday, when we were driving, he was like, I'm not sure any more if living together is such a great idea, etc., etc., I was like fine. Then, he said, I'm not saying I don't want to do it or that I'm not going to do it, I'm just discussing it with you. What the fuck is that?

February 17, 2004
2:28 pm
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Aces,

You are going to laugh at this but last night when I got home, I called a psychic hotline. Yes I did! I know, I can't believe it either.

Anyway, the lady said the relationship is over and will be totally over in 1-3 months. She said he's being a kid and I'm pressuring him to grow up and basically we'll both get tired.

What do you think about that?

February 17, 2004
3:56 pm
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MEC: I am laughing that cracks me up, she doesn't know anything, and you can determine when the relationship will be over, and 103 months is quite a lead way for her. Yeah I hope Ron calls too, and I know he will, just like he called me like 7 times last night at 12:30 cause I hadnt picked up the phone, dude is a control freak, and at least I have that on him so tell me HOW ARE WE GOING TO AVOID GETTING BACK WITH THEM??

February 17, 2004
5:18 pm
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Hey Aces, I'm glad you wrote, I was wondering what happened to you. I guess you must have gotten busy at work. I guess one way would be anytime you feel like calling Ron and I feel like calling Ali, we should come to this site first and write and maybe we'll forget about calling them.

1-3 is not that far away, but, I'm glad you think she didn't know what she was talking about, i was feeling discouraged by it, but, at the same time it kind of gave me strength to say, shit, if its going to be doomed in 1-3 months anyways, might as well make it now and have it be by my will versus his, what do you think?

So, when he called you last night did you finally pick up and tell him to buzz off?

February 17, 2004
5:19 pm
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Never mind the last question, I just looked back and saw that you talked to him.

Really, though, he's being nice by calling you ... should you really be mad at him?

February 17, 2004
5:20 pm
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Not that I'm trying to encourage you in any way ... 🙂

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