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maybe it IS me
July 23, 2004
12:47 am
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natty
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All my life I have had a low self-esteem and felt not good enough, that people don't like me.

So often i am told I am being paranoid, that it's my low self-esteem that makes me feel that way etc.

But today is my last day at work. I have been here five years. Out of 27 colleagues, 3 came to my farewell drinks. I thought I got along with everybody. The three that came to the drinks are the only ones that even bothered to answer the emailed invite I sent around.

So maybe I have low self-esteem because people genuinely do not like me.

I don't even know why I am posting this. I just feel so low and unlikeable right now.

July 23, 2004
1:51 am
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annastar
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We are very lonely in our life. There are usually only few people we can count on, and this is a treasure. Long as you still have those- you have nothing to worry about. Think about those who care.

July 23, 2004
2:13 am
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natty
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Thank you Annastar, you are actually spot on with your comment.

But, paradodoxically, that is what upsets me. I don't like only have a few people.

I guess, I just wonder what it is about me that is so unlikeable. It's not that obvious to me, and nobody will tell me straight out what it is!

July 23, 2004
9:29 am
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MUGGER
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I agree with annastar...its better 2 have a few good people who showed up than the others who didn't...sometimes I call them fake friends. Be happy, 3 good people did show up and they do like you...the others are not even worth the friendship i guess.

July 23, 2004
9:42 am
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mimster
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natty,

I wholeheartedly agree with Mugger and annastar... it is QUALITY, not QUANTITY that matter.

Do you even care what fake friends think? No! In reality, you really just need one good friend who really understands you... the rest are just peripheral friends.

This is something I struggle with often, especially since I returned to grad school after working in the "real world" for several years. I go to a very small business school where everyone knows everyone... and because of all the hours we spend together, the gossip mills begin. It took stepping away from that environment (this summer) to realize who were my "real" friends and who were my "fake" friends (those you just wanna have a beer with, but don't feel comfortable confiding in).

All in all, I really only have 2 "real" friends from b-school... and that is OK. And if the rest don't care for me, then that is OK too.

Please don't beat yourself up about this, especially for your colleagues. Work can sometimes be a very fake environment. And you may have been in the wrong corporate culture to begin with... If only one person came to your farewell drinks, that is all that matters.

July 23, 2004
10:09 am
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eve
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Well,

it could be like you think it is......

or the computer system could have eaten up your e-mail and people didn't know. Or your supervisor could have let people know that she wouldn't like people to leave their work to say good bye to you in a subtle way. Or they are envious and don't dig the fact that you really made a smart career move, or, or, or...

How did you decide that out of all possible reasons - it is that people don't like you, and that this must be because you are not good enough to be liked?

What I would do is: I'd make a round whith a box of donuts or suchlike, and say farewell to everybody. Because that shows that you are a polite and considerate person - never mind what the others think. Do as you think you should do, not as you think that the others would expect you to behave.

July 23, 2004
10:11 am
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eve
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Oh, and the best of luck for your NEW job!!!!

July 23, 2004
8:52 pm
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Anonymous
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Natty who is to say it is you? People might be jealous of you..
They also have their own problems and might be so self absorbed that they can't be there for you..
This world is so full of people that are only out for themselves and if they aren't getting anything out of it they won't bother.. that's not to say it is you sweetie.. It's a reflection of them. I know it doesn't feel that way.. I often struggle with feeling unwanted, unappreciated, undesirable with my husband and even though I know it isn't me it's hard not to belive that.. It is true though..

July 23, 2004
10:53 pm
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gingerleigh
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Actually, it's probably even more harmless than speculated... people are notoriously into themselves. And sometimes after a bad day at work, the last thing people want to do is go to a bar with coworkers, especially to celebrate the sendoff of another coworker who has escaped!

I'm going through a similar thing right now, Natty. On Sunday, I'm having my big recital. It is a HUGE deal to me. I invited all of my friends, coworkers and musical colleagues. I think that perhaps 3 people may show up to support me. At first I was sad, still am a bit, but I'm considering all the angles. It is going to be beautiful in Seattle this weekend. A lot of people are taking off to go camping. Who wants to sit in a stuffy auditorium and listen to boring flute music? But the thing is, the people who RSVPed and said that they were going to come truly want to be there. And I know that they won't flake out. It's not that they absolutely love the type of music I'm going to be performing... but they love me. And they will stomp and cheer no matter how many times I mess up.

And it occurs to me that I'm damn lucky to have that many.

Natty, I would have gone out for drinks with you. *grin*

July 24, 2004
8:32 am
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natty
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Wow!!!

Thanks you guys. It really moved me that you all cared enough to respond, and gingerleigh, thanks hon, I would have a drink with you too.

You are all right - it is the ones that showed up that are the true friends and three true friends are better than a hundred false friends.

It really touched me that you all responded. Bless you all.

Love and hugs.
Natty

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