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married, unhappy , very confused!!!!! HELP
May 7, 2002
1:11 pm
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vanessa10
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Well its morning. Didnt get much sleep. My husband came to get my older child and he said he would pack his stuff up when the kids are asleep. It is going to be so hard to watch him leave. God i am crying just typing it. I feel like dying right now. Last night we said all the things we should have said years ago. Maybe the time apart will be good for me. I can work on myself. I only hope we can make ourselves happy and one day make each other happy again. By the way i bought both those books. Thanks and much love

May 7, 2002
1:20 pm
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Molly
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Vanessa--- I am sorry for your pain, sometimes the choices we make do create consequences that we aren't quite prepared to deal with. I am sure you can understand your husbands shock. Perhaps time appart will be a good thing. Questions: 1) What kind of relationship do you have with your inlaws ? 2) have his parents been married for ever ? 3) Do you and your husband belong to a church? 4) Are you active in it ?
I ask these questions to see what other support there may or may not be to forgive, and hold on to the commitment. I prefer spiritual counseling sometimes to hold on to the marriage, when it is a good thing to hold on to, and yours definately sounds like it is worth salvaging. Practice patience with your self, try not to dive into the blues. It is going to take some time for hubby to process this. Hopefully his parents will try to steer him back in the family direction. Keep the faith, keep your chin up,learn and grow. Let him have some space, but maintain a respectful connection. Prayers to you lady.

May 7, 2002
1:43 pm
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vanessa10
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Thank you molly! I have a good relationship with his father but his mom NO! She hates me i think. She is also not a happy woman. Her oldest son killed him self, Middle child is autistic and then my john who is the youngest. She doesnt even sleep in the same room as her husband. So she will probably tell him hes better off without me. We do belong to a church but dont go. I dont know why. Maybe i will start going and bring my kids. I know what i did was terrible and it is going to take a long time for him to get over it> But every time i look in the mirror I look at myself and say "You stupid ass! Why did you do this? Why do you fuck everything up? Now youve fucked up your life, your kids and his!" Well its to late for that now. I guess i will have to take it one day at a time and try to see what makes me happy and hope for the best. Thank you again Molly xoxo

May 7, 2002
3:04 pm
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Molly
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I am not trying to justify what you did, just trying to be clear. There is a big difference between some telephone flirtation, and jumping into bed, sure its a fine line, and hubby is feeling violated, as would we if the tables were turned. Can't believe he talked to the guy and he said there was something between the two of you, wishful thinking ? I think going to church would be good, great energy there, with all the love and forgivness, not a bad idea at all. Maybe there is even spiritual counseling, or a womens group ? Something for you. sorry about the mother in law, and gee whiz with those family dynamics, I bet hubby has some baggage that he brought into the marriage. Again, not trying to transfer blame, but all the pieces of the puzzle. ya know too kido wouldn't hurt to pick up a copy of that book for him, with a little note in it, let him have some home work while sitting round with mom's and pop's. Who knows maybe she would say he is just like his father, and wouldn't blame you,then send him home with a weeks worth of dirty laundry now that was supposed to make you smile, not go crazy!!!! 🙂

May 7, 2002
4:45 pm
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vanessa10
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Thanks it did make me smile! not go crazy. And about the other guy. He said he never talked to my husband he was just trying to call my bluff. Yes he did have alot of baggage we both did. Thanks i am going to check into the spiritual counseling and womens groups. Thank you Everyone has been wonderful. You guys are a great bunch of people. Luv, Vanessa

May 7, 2002
11:32 pm
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nikka
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Lucky you had Molly, Vanessa. She's very good. Just try to recall one other thing as your life goes along. -- You did not F*** the, or your, whole world. A lot enters into broken marriages and other ills that we suffer. And nothing is ever set in stone. And even if it is, stone erodes -- go look at the Grand Canyon, see stone erode. -- Take your share of responsibility for your choices, but you didn't ruin your world, but sometimes the change feels that way for us all. -- Take good care of you and your kids, and your husband as well. Take your time and if the marriage can be saved go that way. All the best.

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